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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex wants me to sign CB over to him

61 replies

KindnessIsNotWeakness · 21/08/2019 21:21

Ex messaged me today to ask me to transfer the child benefit of our Son to him because he wants to reduce the amount he has to pay in maintenance for his daughter (who he’s going through court for access to at the moment) she is 2. He said he will pay me back the amount I will loose.

I’ve told him no because it protects my NI - also it feels wrong that he is doing that to get out of what he should be paying for his daughter,

He pays me £20 a month for our son & the split is 60/40.

Would there be any other implications of doing that?

OP posts:
Millie2017 · 21/08/2019 21:49

£20 a month and he wants the child benefit... are you mad?!

expatinspain · 21/08/2019 21:49

Does he work? Why have you agreed to only £20 per month off him? He really needs to stop procreating if he can't afford to support his children. He's a disgrace. Don't help him at all.

EL8888 · 21/08/2019 21:50

He’s a delight! No fucking way. I wouldn’t even debate it with him to be honest. Child is with you = child benefit goes to you

HappyParent2000 · 21/08/2019 21:51

I think my son costs me way more than £20 a week, the partner double...

Quartz2208 · 21/08/2019 21:52

No don’t do it

And go via Cms

Windydaysuponus · 21/08/2019 21:55

My exh wanted the CB so he could tell the dc I had signed THEM over as I didn't want them!! Do not do it op.
It's fraud anyway if he isn't the primary carer surely?

frazzledasarock · 21/08/2019 22:02

Why would you even consider this?

It only give the man who thinks it’s ok to pay £20 a month for one child more power over you and you’re beholden to him for the child benefit.

What if he doesn’t want to hand it over? And let’s face it it’s a lot more than he’s currently paying towards his son himself.

I’d send him a two word response ending in off.

And open a CSA claim and get a decent amount of maintenance for your son.

titchy · 21/08/2019 22:04

Why the fuck are you only getting £5 a week for your child? If he was on income support he'd be paying more. cCMS first thing tomorrow.

Jesus woman up! Doesn't your kid deserve more than a fucking fiver?

He'll use the CB as a gateway to tax credits or UC btw. Receiving CB makes no difference to how much he should pay for his other child.

He sounds utterly shit.

Sorrysorrysosorry · 21/08/2019 22:10

I’m not even separated but I would say DONT DO IT!

Brandnewshit · 21/08/2019 22:19

Why does he pay so little, is he on benefits?

burnyburny · 21/08/2019 22:25

Nether of use is eligible for any additional benefits.

So he's earning a full time wage? What do you estimate his salary to be?

Ginjanotaninja · 21/08/2019 22:28

Don’t do it. CB is your proof that you have care and custody of your children. If you need to claim any benefits you’ll need it, if you intend to apply for social housing you’ll need there too.

Ginjanotaninja · 21/08/2019 22:32

Sorry forgot to add if you, in a moment of madness agree to his plan, then he can apply for benefits with them on his claim and get more money. He could royally screw you and your children over.

PickAChew · 21/08/2019 22:34

Soooo.... he wants to have the child benefit and be obliged to pay less? But he'll magically pay more?

Fuck that. You're not as green as you're grass looking.

PJMasksGhekko · 21/08/2019 22:44

So he wants you to sign the child benefit over to him, only pays £20 a month maintenance, which means you'll be getting less money? Ok then, tell him to fuck off.

Moonflower12 · 21/08/2019 22:47

Also the address that CB is paid to is used to confirm where the child resides when allocating school places so this could go against you when your child gets a place based on your ex's address.

ilikethisusernamethemost · 21/08/2019 22:58

No don't do it.

Cabezona · 21/08/2019 23:05

How on earth has he managed to get his payment so low??? He could find that down the back of the sofa each month.

Graphista · 21/08/2019 23:33

I'm genuinely interested in this 60/40 thing.

How does the schedule actually look?

Who buys your son all the things he needs? Like clothes, shoes, books, toys... Who pays for his haircuts? If he's in childcare who pays for that? If he's school aged who buys him his uniform, equipment, stationery, who gives him money for school trips or non uniform days? If he does things like swimming lessons who pays for those?

I suspect you are paying for the vast majority of this stuff and if he is earning enough to not qualify for benefits he owes a damn sight more than £20 a month in cm!!

You really need to consider the reality of the situation and start making him properly step up for his son.

Butterymuffin · 21/08/2019 23:36

I can't see any reason why you'd consider this. What would be in it for you or your son?

TheJellyBabyMadeMeDoIt · 21/08/2019 23:48

Take the £20 he pays you, call CMS and pay them the £20 to start a means tested case against him.

Don't give him your CB

Ever.

PumpkinP · 22/08/2019 00:01

Why are you even questioning this?

I’m guessing he is on benefits with the £20 a month. Standard amount for those on benefits to pay.

Original poster
KindnessIsNotWeakness · 22/08/2019 03:04

The reason it’s £20 is basically due to threats on his part in the past to with hold my Son & going through court would not be worth the money & stress on my part.

I told him no & he accused me of being hostile and that I do not know the ‘full circumstances’ - it then turned to a pity party that he won’t be able to afford his house & he doesn’t know what he’s going to do. I told him I’m not going to be pulled into a conversation about it.

Useful to know about the school postcode - that would be applicable to us.

OP posts:
Spingtrolls · 22/08/2019 03:14

Fuck that.
He wants to reduce your household income so that he can claim he supports another child full time, and have the money reduced towards his other child. Wow. What a catch.
Having the Cb could then help him get additional support.

NutFreeFlight · 22/08/2019 03:14

You don't have to go through court/spend loads of money to get maintenance.
Phone up CMS and get the ball rolling.
It costs £20 to pursue it with them, but that's waived if you've been a victim of abuse (financial, physical etc).

Remember, the money is the legal minimum a non resident parent should pay for the upbringing of their child. You're doing your son no favours by letting him off the hook.
Even if you don't need the money, it's your sons. Put it in a bank account for driving lessons, or his wedding etc.

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