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Original poster

Divorced Dads and holidays with kids

50 replies

toobusytothink · 20/08/2019 19:13

Hi - just wanting some views please. If you are divorced, how many of your exH’s weeks holidays do you expect him to spend with his kids? Say for example you get 25 days a year. Or if you are a divorced Dad how many of your weeks off do you spend looking after your kids/taking them away?

Just wondering if any exW out there would ever be ok with 1 or 2 weeks being used to go away with friends/girlfriend?

Thanks

OP posts:
Parent999 · 20/08/2019 19:15

Half

SueBrouqet · 20/08/2019 19:16

I would expect him to spend half of the kids holiday with them or being responsible for them.

(because that's what I agreed with my ex - every other weekend and half the school holidays. In reality???? hahahahah fucking ha ).

Original poster
toobusytothink · 20/08/2019 19:17

So if he had 25 days holiday would you expect say 13 to be spent with kids and 12 to do what he wants with them?

OP posts:
c3pu · 20/08/2019 19:18

I share the care of my kids 50/50, how I manage my annual leave allowance isn't something I run past my kids mum. Generally speaking I use my holiday to look after them when they are with me in the school hols, but inevitably there's times where I can't escape the office and I use childcare for those occasions.

However in the situation you describe there's not really anything the parent with care can do to try and force the NRP to spend their annual leave with the kids if they have other ideas.

Original poster
toobusytothink · 20/08/2019 19:18

But if they have say 13 weeks holiday a year that would mean 6.5 which is more than total hol allowance. But guess it’s the same for women

OP posts:
Angrybird123 · 20/08/2019 19:18

I think assuming neither parent is a teacher and both have similar amounts of annual leave, they should both be obligated to either cover half the school holidays or pay for appropriate childcare / sports camps etc for the portion they can't cover. If they choose to use some of their annual leave doing something else that's fine but the other parent should not have to cover it and their expense.

Parkrunner25 · 20/08/2019 19:19

I would expect him to be responsible for half of the kids' holiday days. How he chooses to cover them (childcare, annual leave, family help) is his call.

SueBrouqet · 20/08/2019 19:19

no, I think that the kids have (say) 13 weeks holiday a year. We are responsible for half each.

We are both working.

in reality my ex has had them for one week last year and one week this year. What he's done in his other days off?

I have 30 days holiday a year and have spent 100% of my days off with my children. Plus more - sickness, doctors appointment etc

I think (unless maintenance reflects otherwise maybe), 2 working parents are responsible for half the school holidays each

If the kids aren't at school yet? Yes half of their entitlement each maybe.

Pipandmum · 20/08/2019 19:20

Op I think they mean half the KIDS holidays, not half of YOUR holiday.
But you must have an agreement in place?

Original poster
toobusytothink · 20/08/2019 19:20

Ah ok - some common replies there. Thx very useful. What if one was a teacher? Would that make a difference?

OP posts:
Angrybird123 · 20/08/2019 19:21

No OP, not half of YOUR holiday, half of theirs. Its a fact of life as a parent that your obligation to them comes first, divorced or not. Far too many NRPs dump the burden on RPs because they quickly lose the habit of prioritising the children over their single life / new relationship.

paul291 · 20/08/2019 19:21

As an ex teacher, my boys would spend first two weeks with me, next two with their mum then final two with me. I would have them for a week at Christmas(making sure we did switch over on Christmas day) and Easter and we would split half-terms depending if one of us had booked away.

SueBrouqet · 20/08/2019 19:22

yes OP. I have 30 days holiday - and my kids have far more. I have to deal with their holidays in whatever way I can. My ex should do the same for half of the holidays.

If I wasn't working, I may think differently as I like spending time with my children in the school holidays (although it would cost me more).

SueBrouqet · 20/08/2019 19:23

yes - I think it's THEIR holidays that are important. My leave? I spend practically 100% (30 days) of it with my dcs. My ex? 5 days.

Angrybird123 · 20/08/2019 19:23

If one is a teacher then some of their leave is unpaid.. They only get 4 weeks paid holiday. The rest is unpaid and the reduced salary is spread evenly over 12 months. It entirely depends on how well the coparenting thing is going, the age of the kids etc but I think as a minimum the non teacher should do 2 of the six weeks plus weekends in the interim.

Angrybird123 · 20/08/2019 19:25

And as close to half of the other holidays as they can. The teacher parent should not automatically be left with 24/7 care with all the additional expenses of keeping them occupied etc.

Hellohah · 20/08/2019 19:25

DS is 14 and his dad has spent a total of 3 weeks annual leave with him over the school holidays. That's over the 14 years, so it works out at just over 1 day per year 👍

Original poster
toobusytothink · 20/08/2019 19:26

So how do exH or exW go on holiday with new gf/bf then? Or is that not generally considered acceptable?

OP posts:
firesong · 20/08/2019 19:27

My ex just does however much time he wants, pretty much, when it comes to holiday. Over the summer holidays he has got 7 days with our daughter (additional to his usual weekend days). It's hard to insist on a certain amount of time as he decides when to book his holidays... I did tell him that if I struggle for childcare because of this, he can pay for those days! He hasn't ended up needing to, as his mum wanted to spend time with her granddaughter.

Lucyccfc68 · 20/08/2019 19:27

When we attended mediation and he said he would take use half his holidays and take them off with his DS, the mediator reminded him that there were 13 weeks school holidays a year. Ex-DH just looked blank.

He was told in no uncertain terms that 6.5 of those weeks were his responsibility and he needed to plan a mix of leave and childcare.

I smiled to myself and kindly offered to book the childcare and I would give them his details for payment.

Cheeky sod had expected me to sort out and pay for 11 weeks of the holidays.

To be fair, he did take more time off and paid for the rest in childcare.

ladybee28 · 20/08/2019 19:28

So how do exH or exW go on holiday with new gf/bf then?

They go in the half of the school holidays when they don't have the kids...

Littleduckeggblue · 20/08/2019 19:29

Absolutly fine for ex and their partner to go on holiday together one or two times a year without the children

Parent999 · 20/08/2019 19:29

I’d rather have my dc all the time but dc needs to spend quality time with her mum too

OllyBJolly · 20/08/2019 19:30

However in the situation you describe there's not really anything the parent with care can do to try and force the NRP to spend their annual leave with the kids if they have other ideas

Yep.

So how do exH or exW go on holiday with new gf/bf then? Or is that not generally considered acceptable?

Ha ha ha ha!

Original poster
toobusytothink · 20/08/2019 19:31

Ok so generally seemed acceptable as long as they pay for/arrange childcare for the weeks they “should” have kids but don’t then

OP posts: