New guy, would you sack it off?

[KneeDeepInMess]

I've been seeing somebody for the past 8 weeks so it's very early days, but he was growing on me.

Sunday afternoon after dinner the conversation steered into past relationships and he told me about an "emotional affair" he'd been having with a married woman shortly before we met. Him single, her married. They have a mutual passion for something which is how they met and the EA developed as they'd meet up and spend time together away from the shared hobby and associated friends. Married woman kept it all from her husband and he says the message content was more than just friendly, think sending love hearts and what not.

He says nothing physical happened and he decided to stop contact and block her because lines were being crossed nevertheless and he became aware of the fact he wanted to sleep with her, which he was conflicted about because of her being married.

Fast forward to now he's got her back on social media and says its because he "felt sorry for her"

I took that as him meaning he felt bad for blocking her, but it seems quite strange given the nature of the relationship.

I'm not looking to be dragged into any dodgy triangulation and it seems a bit weird to me so I'm debating sacking it off.

What do you think?

Well sussed out KneeDeep.
I think you can do waaay better than Sigmund Freud.
Yep, time to say Tutty Bye.

Let him analyze that.

He sounds like a toxic nutjob, well done for getting rid.

While you're at it, tell him to take down those photos on social media showing you together. Not good. And a REALLY creepy thing to do. Sounds like he plays women off each other and no doubt has a few on the go.

You sound really perceptive, well done!!

I've just dumped a narcissist too.

Sadly I didn't see all the signs but my gut was telling me something was up. Now, I have researched narcs and so many things he did fit this:

• love bombing
• constantly complimenting me and had me on a pedestal
• talked about himself and didn't ask much about me
• LOTS of selfies (yet maintained he was insecure about his looks)
• Spent lots of money on clothes
• Always did more than everyone else at work
• had an abusive mother and an ex that cheated

I hope I am now more equipped to spot one quicker next time!

I'm sure you are already prepared that he will not take it well. Mine sent about 20 messages after I ended it refusing to believe it was happening, how I could I do it to him when he had been nothing but, kind and loving etc etc.

Let us know how you get on.

good morning princess

I've text him back

Hi, hope you're well. I've been thinking and decided that it's best we nip it in the bud as we're at different stages of our lives and i don't think we're a good match. It was nice meeting you and I wish you luck with (current project) take care

I've just remembered when we were talking about what we look for in a partner he said his ideal age was 21, the cheeky sod.

Never before have I been made to feel old at 25

So his ideal woman was someone young enough to be his daughter?

Shudder...

But of course he was trying to undermine/neg you.

These low key/soft manipulation skills are so advanced.

I really do hope you’ve blocked him now.

But, not gonna lie, there’s a part of me that’s dying to know his response.

But your life is not my entertainment!

Block and delete

Fucking hell, he sounds fucking awful. To be honest the stuff about him liking much younger women would have been enough for me to want to give him a wide berth.

Good riddance.

But, not gonna lie, there’s a part of me that’s dying to know his response

I'm shamelessly saying..... me too!

This is wonderful to read! I hope this will be an inspiration for other Mumsnetters.

And yet, I want to know if it wounded his ego too

I've just read this thread and have been so impressed by the OP and her sense of self worth. My first thought was that Id be so proud of my DD if she ended up like this, willing to give a guy a chance and yet still able to see through all the bullshit.

I'd love to hear his response too

That message to him is OP!

I want to be you when I grow up and I'm 7 years older than you - well done, it's lovely to read a thread where an OP has clear boundaries and sticks to them. I haven't done this in the past and wish I had!

I find the fact that a guy like this is doing a psychology/psychotherapy/whatever degree quite significant and not a good thing. Get the impression he thinks he's s manipulator and puppet master and wants to get better at it/justify himself ... Especially as he wants a (much) you get partner.

*younger

Ideal age 21? 🤮🤮🤮 that alone would be enough to put me off him!!