New guy, would you sack it off?

[KneeDeepInMess]

I've been seeing somebody for the past 8 weeks so it's very early days, but he was growing on me.

Sunday afternoon after dinner the conversation steered into past relationships and he told me about an "emotional affair" he'd been having with a married woman shortly before we met. Him single, her married. They have a mutual passion for something which is how they met and the EA developed as they'd meet up and spend time together away from the shared hobby and associated friends. Married woman kept it all from her husband and he says the message content was more than just friendly, think sending love hearts and what not.

He says nothing physical happened and he decided to stop contact and block her because lines were being crossed nevertheless and he became aware of the fact he wanted to sleep with her, which he was conflicted about because of her being married.

Fast forward to now he's got her back on social media and says its because he "felt sorry for her"

I took that as him meaning he felt bad for blocking her, but it seems quite strange given the nature of the relationship.

I'm not looking to be dragged into any dodgy triangulation and it seems a bit weird to me so I'm debating sacking it off.

What do you think?

What a twat! He likes younger women because he thinks they're easier to mind fuck. He sounds like a player who is negging you. Just nope out. 'I'm not feeling this relationship anymore. It's time for me to move on so I'm ending this. Best of luck to you in all your endeavours. xOP' and then block. I'd probably ghost him.

we had a great time when we get together and really hit it off

Ugh, mirroring

narcissistabusesupport.com/red-flags/narcissist-red-flag-mirroring/

Thank fuck you got out early!

Not one post mentioning what a disgusting home wrecker he is?

Not one post mentioning what a disgusting home wrecker he is?

Yes, the OPs.

I doubt very much this other woman exists, or at least if she dies, any relationship between them was in his head or fabricated to triangulate the OP.

Given that he said his last relationship ended due to “cultural” issues- oh, the romance and drama - I strongly suspect everything this man said was was a lie.

I'm firmly against the notion that just because somebody is single then it's ok for them to engage with somebody who isn't, because it's not 'them' with the responsibilities and commitment to vows.

I think he and the married woman are both as bad as each other and even if It were her doing the pursuing which is unlikely then he's a shit for letting it get to the stage of daily texts, secret meetings and love heart emojis or whatever else they were sending.

I haven't been able to think about him in the same way since I found this out on Sunday. I've lost respect for him on that basis alone, without the additional red flags (which have of course put me off wanting to continue anything)

Truth be told, Morris, he'd never have got that far with me. The second he pulled that psychoanalysis shit he'd have been gone and in far less than 2 hours.

Dump and run. Please don't settle for a twat like him.

The woman does exist. I sneak checked her out on Facebook after he said her name I momentarily wondered whether she existed too, though.

Again very strange how he would need to divulge her full name, it's likely wanted me to look her up and see that she's attractive.

There was past interaction between them that looked innocent (hobby related) but of course anything that is public would, wouldn't it.

He doesn't know I've looked her up and I have no intention of telling him that because it will only be playing into his hands if his motive was to triangulate.

She's %100 married.

Yeah, but that doesn’t mean she had an EA with her.

She maybe blissfully unaware that she’s part of his game strategy, he may’ve picked her cos he does have photos of them together and he knows you’d have a look.

Who wouldn’t?!

It’s not as if you would’ve ever spoken to her.

But anyway, he’s in the past now and not worth any of our headspace.

Yes that's entirely possible blocked you raise a valid point.

I agree

You are excellent at spotting a prat. Well done on the swift dump.

Not to be patronising OP but I wish I’d been as on it when I was 25!

Definitely dump...and why was he psychoanalysing you? Is that his actual job? That alone would have weirded me out 😨

Not to be patronising OP but I wish I’d been as on it when I was 25!

Totally! You seem to have excellent instincts. All of this is weird, from the triangulation to the psychoanalysis (which gets very old very quickly I can say having myself dated a grandiose so-called therapist).

Well done for taking the decision OP.

Unfortunately I've had the displeasure of being with a narcissist previously so I'm fine tuned to the red flags. He doesn't know that, though.

In regards to the psychoanalysis, he's doing a degree and thinks he's an expert already. I did tell him I found it strange how he was intent on working me out, he didn't get very far as I kept my barriers up.

Lord what a tosser. I wouldn't stop running

I was going to say the same @Mandarin, you're brilliant OP!!

The "secret house" joke sounds very passive aggressive too as he knows full well the reasons you dont want to take him there but he wants to make you feel like it's because of something untoward.

I have a feeling he'll be abit stalkery for a while too. Block and delete!!

I am not going to give you any advice because you sure as hell don’t need any. I just wanted to let you know that your kids have a very smart mum and I wish to Hell I’d had the kind of emotional intelligence you’re demonstrating when I was your age! 🌟

What lovely things to say, thank you ladies you've made my morning

I didn't hear a peep from him yesterday which was unusual for him so I was hoping he'd lost interest as I'm not a good source of supply but he's back today with a "good morning princess" and a selfie

Morning Princess Ugh, physically repulsive... but then add in a fucking selfie...

Must admit, that deserves a ghosting on its own but...

we're at different stages of our lives

Bwah ha ha ha ha! That’s brilliant...

Basically fuck off old man!

I kind of adore you OP.

My hat remains doffed to you, I wish I had your level of emotional intelligence at my age, let alone yours.

You’re going to be just fine.

Tell him the reasons why, let him know. It'll kill him.

No, Rubbing OP's " at different stages of our lives" is excellent!

You are my hero!!!

"good morning princess" and a selfie Blurgh, that just brought back lots of yuk narc memories for me.

Do you think he may have been with another victim yesterday if you didnt hear from him? (especially as it's not usual for him).

Not that it matters now but that message is even more gross knowing that he probably took that selfie whilst his bed is still warm.

Enjoy telling him to get in the bin OP!! I have a feeling he wont take it well but you can revel in the fact that you foiled his con before he managed to get his claws in!!!

The good morning princess alone is a good kick in the Nads offence op

Make like a cyber man and delete delete 😏😁