Partner with no job

[Pan1920]

My partner and I are both in our mid 40s and have been dating for 7 years. He's very kind and compassionate, which is a breath of fresh air after my previous abusive marriage. He's been unemployed for the past 8 years and claims unemployment & housing benefits. There have been times in his life when he has worked, such as when he's been in a relationship with someone who has their own accommodation. (He says that he can't afford to live on his own as he's currently better off financially on benefits). During the past 7 years he has managed to retrain and has gained several high level qualifications which would enable him to find good employment, but he keeps saying he's still better off financially by not working. I have worked (full & part time) since I was 16, I own my own house outright and he's now asking to move in with me so that he can start looking for work. I'm a little concerned about him moving in as I'm not convinced of his work ethic. He's also very selective in what work he will undertake. I've spoken to him about my concerns and he tries to reassure me but also doesn't like me "hassling him into getting any old job". My family and friends are advising me not to let him move in but am I being selfish?

Actually this reminds me of someone I know who has a mental illness but doesn't want anyone to know, or admit it to himself apparently as he is too ashamed. I can imagine him saying this sort of thing as a "logical", "sensible"-sounding explanation of why he hasn't got a job - when actually, despite his qualifications (the person I know does have good ones) he is not capable of holding down even a pretty basic job.

I agree with @ravenmum. I think there's an underlying mental health condition he hasn't disclosed to you or maybe himself.
ESA is not easy to claim and there's no way he would be financially better off not working if he's only on jsa.

ESA is easy to claim if you know the system and the way to answer the questions, and you can get it for being a piss head. He really is playing it well and playing it like a professional. Is this really the kind of bloke you want to saddle yourself too? Fair enough, if he had genuine challenges and needed the support but this bloke is just taking the piss. Are you proud when you introduce him to friends or work colleagues? Only you know your relationship but I'd be running for the hills

OMG.... Have just left my ESA claiming partner as he was starting to financially abuse me! Get rid, seriously, if he's not worked in 7 years, A) how is he going to get a job that he likes, as employers will not be falling over themselves to give him a job with his work history and B) how will he cope having not been in the working world for all that time? Odds say he does it for 3 months and is back on the benefits. Like other posters have stated you have to be in quite a specific bracket to be on ESA.
I had to be shaken quite vigorously by several MNers to see what my ex was doing to me and looking back at the whole scenario I can see why and you will too, in time
Good luck xx

Very unattractive feature. Cocklodger alert too

He has no disability but has managed to convince the DWP that he is unfit for work by arriving to his assessments drunk, unkempt and refuses to talk to them coherently. They give up and recall him at a later date. He claims PIP and ESA.

As a disabled person who had the most humiliating assessment for DLA when I lived in the UK (a decade ago now, but I will never forget the intrusiveness and distrust), this fucks me off.

The fact that you're even wondering if you're being selfish here boggles the mind. I wonder why you're even with him.

I wouldn’t be dating him let alone letting him move in.

Nothing less sexy than a partner who doesn’t work / has no work ethic and won’t share the financial responsibility whilst quite happy to let the other person do it all imo.

Whatever is going on with him, he's either lying to the authorities or not being honest with you. So he's a liar. He's also accusing you of hassling him to get any old job when you bring up the subject of him working - i.e. he's portraying you as a nag who doesn't care whether he's happy, so as to stop you from asking him perfectly reasonable questions about his employment plans.

Probably not a good idea to let a person like that live in your house.

I just couldn't have respect for someone with that attitude. Benefit scrounger is a label he certainly deserves. That attitude can't be a healthy one and I doubt a good omen for a long term relationship

As I already said earlier, I'm willing to bet he actually does have a drink problem and is hiding it from the OP. I dated an alcoholic who was on ESA because he was getting his doctor to write him 'unfit to work' notes due to alcoholism. He would have to have a doctor sign him off and not sure its as easy as just 'turning up drunk'.
Either way, he's a total loser.

did he work when you met. if I meet a man who doesn't work when he is able to, I walk off, no need to explain why.

Keeping him at arm's length is not selfishness but self-preservation. Or do you actually quite like the idea of keeping a human being as some kind of exotic pet? You say he's kind and compassionate; I imagine he's got quite good at presenting that persona over years of sponging. What's the saying - you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar?

No, I don't know him. But I do know the type. Hell, I was married to a prime specimen for 25 years. I sincerely don't recommend it.

How is this man kind and compassionate, he is sponging off the state and massively taking the piss out of all of us! You can do so much better than this waste of space.