Silent treatment

[Cherry180419]

Anyone experienced this in a relationship before? So confused

Not in a relationship with a partner no, my mum would give me the silent treatment as a child and I really hated it. It's a deal breaker for me in a relationship and would mean the end.

It's not acceptable, OP. Tell your partner that the silent treatment isn't OK and you'll be moving on if they don't pack it in.

I'm assuming they've been doing it for a day or two? An evening of grumpiness followed by an apology isn't so bad. We all have off days.

I have...or the pushing away/ so incredibly polite

Its hideous

Emotionally draining. I had it with my ex. Sometimes he was silent treatment, sometimes physical. I would often prefer the physical attack over the silent treatment as it was like scratching nails on a ballon waiting on it all kicking off when he came out his silent huff.
Get out because I promise you he won’t change. Life’s too short to spend it unhappy with a twat like this.

Its kind of becoming a pattern, i feel like its all one sided and its only me putting in the effort, he does apologise eventually, he says hes not happy with his life routine at the minute, we hardly see each other in the holidays as our work hours clash, hes mentioned living together but hes kind of put me off with the silence thing, i have 2 children and ive been in an abusive relationship before (13years) im quite resilient but the silence.. its worse than physical, my kids adore him, i adore him hes perfect, apart from this. It makes me feel unwanted, confused, unloved, rejected, used, like theres a hole in my chest.

It really is

I think you've got to be upfront with him and say that although you love him, you can't tolerate this sort of behaviour. He needs to treat you with respect, OP, and if he can't do that, he can't be your partner anymore.

I get that his "life routine" isn't great right now, but that's no excuse for treating you like this. In fact, it's all the more reason to value the positive things in his life, i.e. you!

Thanks for your advice x

I have this with my partner when things don't go his way. He cannot process how other people feel and has no empathy. When I talk to him about it or how it makes me feel, it makes the situation worse. It really impacts our family life, the DCs resent his behaviour and how it makes me feel.

Hi life routine. Jesus. 🙄

Most of us have trouble with our "life routine" but we don't take it out on the people we profess to love.

When your kids ask "Why haven't we seen cuntychops recently?" then you answer "Because he was repeatedly unkind to us all, and that's not a healthy relationship for any of us."

You mentioned you have been in an abusive relationship before - have you fallen into the trap of going from a grade 10 abuser to a grade 6?

My dad did this amongst other things. I think he has undiagnosed narcissistic personality disorder. My XP did it a bit too (as well as taking about himself all the time). It's not a good sign and not good for your kids to be around it.

Yes ive been there its awful. Leaves you confused. Feels like you making all the effort. It's ultimately controlling and manipulative behaviour designed to put you on edge, to make him superior. He feels entitled to do this.
It's sad when you thought he was amazing at first but then this creeps in leaving you with knots in your stomach, feeling uneasy.
Then they're nice again and you push it aside.
Sadly it gets worse.
As someone said he sounds like a 'grade 6' abuser instead of yr previous grade 10.

@Cherry180419 When / Why does he give you the silent treatment?

It's not okay and personally a very childish way of dealing with things. It's passive aggressive and controlling.

My mother used to do the silent treatment, and I swore to myself that I would never tolerate it again.

So even the abusive ex only did it once. He was a sociopath, he saw I just up and left him to it, so he chose other ways to abuse me that did work.

You have another abusive relationship. If you ignore his silent treatment by going back to your own home and not contacting him, the relationship will either end due to no-one breaking the silence, or he will find another way to abuse you.

Remember, abusers always seem to be perfect men except for the smidgen of abusive behaviour. Then the longer you stay, the worse the abuse gets.

Don't tolerate abuse of any kind, however 'perfect' a partner seems. Good luck

Please do not move in with him.

He is already showing you who he is. He was problems with his 'life routine?' Jesus, don't we all!

It's notexcuse for treating you like that. And it's a very passive aggressive means of controlling you. To make you come running. To beg for forgiveness for whatever sin it is he thinks you've committed.

I would throw in the towel today. As said above, the longer you stay, the worse it gets. Get out now while you can still see this for what it is.

It is unacceptable.

He's not perfect, he has decided to use you as his emotional punching bag because you have allowed him to.

Tell him the next time he does it, it's over, and mean it.

Agree with the grade 6 abuser.
I understand going from a grade 10 abuser to a 6 feels like a huge improvement at first.

He's still an abuser. You know what to do.

@Cherry180419 My partner does this too! I don't have any advice but I know what it feels like, it's awful

Once - I left after day 2.
He couldn't understand what he had done wrong.
We had a conversation and I found out it was learned behaviour from his mother.
I told him I would not be accepting it ever again and the next time he did it I would not be coming back.
He realised that as adults you can have a conversation.
And compromise or agree to disagree.
He never did it again.
We were together for 15 years after that incident.

But it's abuse.
Tell him google 'Stonewalling abuse'
See how he feels about what he is doing to you and if you live together what he will be doing to your DC.
Don't live with him until this is fully resolved.
It's a total deal-breaker for me after 1 chance.
Call him out on it. Tell him it's abuse and you won't tolerate it.

Yep and sadly I just mirrored it and then left as it was boring :D

Just give it back and if it lasts more then 3 days move on :D

don't let anyone control you with this, if they do it ALWAYS do the opposite of their desired results. Even if it looks nuts they soon stop. Nothing more then a manipulative adult tantrum.

The silent treatment is always a form of punishment. It's emotional abuse
www.heysigmund.com/the-silent-treatment/

Terribly sorry OP but you've picked up a Narc. ST is a manipulation.

You need to go NC.

But of a change of perspective here, but I am guilty of this.
I stop texting, dont pick up calls, and literally cant face communicating with oh. I have worked out this times in to my PMT, about a weeknight before. I dont know what switches in my head, but it does, it's not right and I'm aware of it so try and change it. As soon as I start my period, I feel healthy in my head again and realise what a tit I've been. I do tend to push people away as well, to see if they fight to come back- in my mind that's them proving they care. That comes from severe childhood rejection though, so I suppose that and pmt is a perfect storm.
Maybes try speak ing to him gently about it? All I wanted to day is it's not necessarily something he can help or control :/

My mother used to do this - i was five the first time she stopped speaking to me, and I'd been arguing with my brother. Yes, a five year old child, arguing with her brother was sufficient reason to stop speaking to me...

And then I married a man who did this. By that time I'd learned to just go my own way. So when he started ignoring me (when I spoke up for myself usually), I'd just treat him like a sulky baby (which is, in effect, what they are) and I'd speak to him normally. When I got no reply, or the turned back, I'd just answer for him ('do you want a cup of tea? Oh, I guess not then') or walk out and leave him to it.

It wasn't healthy though, and we broke up anyway. It's such a childish way to manage conflict.

Refusing to communicate with someone is widely recognised as a form of abuse. It's horrible, and designed to control and distress the person on the other end of it.

If your partner persists with this, OP, your only option is to leave him. It will only get worse if you allow him to continue manipulating you like this.