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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Silent treatment

34 replies

Cherry180419 · 16/08/2019 01:21

Anyone experienced this in a relationship before? So confused Sad

OP posts:
Nursejackie1 · 16/08/2019 17:48

It’s the beginning of years and years of hell abuse and confusion. Get out now. No chances. I lost years of my life in a realm of hell due to it and other behaviours which definitely will start to creep in. I am still dealing with the aftermath 3 years after leaving. I had no idea what the hell had happened at the time. Do yourself a massive favour and leave and don’t look back.

BertrandRussell · 16/08/2019 17:50

Dump.

Nursejackie1 · 16/08/2019 17:51

And don’t take the advice from others about talking to him... it’s inbuilt behaviour and it will not change. You will destroy your souls trying to get him to change or to “get it”. Just Protect yourself and your kids from mental torture and just get rid of him.

LittleFairywren · 16/08/2019 17:58

im quite resilient but the silence.. its worse than physical, my kids adore him, i adore him hes perfect, apart from this. It makes me feel unwanted, confused, unloved, rejected, used, like theres a hole in my chest

Not meaning to be flippant, but why would he hit you when he can make you feel like this just by the silent treatment?

My ex was like this. He was abusive in lots of other ways too but he never hit me. It didn't need to be physical for it to be abuse.

LittleFairywren · 16/08/2019 17:59

He's very very far from perfect by the way. The perfect bit you see is the other half of the nice/nasty cycle. The silent treatment part is the real him.

lhun3 · 17/03/2026 18:56

hellsbellsmelons · 16/08/2019 11:12

Once - I left after day 2.
He couldn't understand what he had done wrong.
We had a conversation and I found out it was learned behaviour from his mother.
I told him I would not be accepting it ever again and the next time he did it I would not be coming back.
He realised that as adults you can have a conversation.
And compromise or agree to disagree.
He never did it again.
We were together for 15 years after that incident.

But it's abuse.
Tell him google 'Stonewalling abuse'
See how he feels about what he is doing to you and if you live together what he will be doing to your DC.
Don't live with him until this is fully resolved.
It's a total deal-breaker for me after 1 chance.
Call him out on it. Tell him it's abuse and you won't tolerate it.

Oh my god! This is an old thread but I’ve only just read it and realised the term stonewalling!! I had no idea this existed but it is 100% what is happening to me right now

Thank you @hellsbellsmelons

nc43214321 · 17/03/2026 19:29

My partner used to do this and it really upset me. But these days it doesn’t bother me as much and I enjoy the silence and just do I want to do. It really bothers him so he starts talking to me very quickly again. So maybe next time he does it, don’t get upset just get busy.

ThatGoldDuck · 17/03/2026 22:43

My ex used to give me the silent treatment after arguments. I can’t say it was ever an ‘argument’ because he would blow up, not let me speak and then ignore me, so I’d ultimately have to wait until he decided to speak again - baring in mind we lived in the same house.

I once asked why he did this, and I’d prefer if we could just speak through things.

He said he did it because if not i’d ‘never learn’

Take that as you will.

mrandmrsrobinson · 18/03/2026 06:42

BIn Bin Bin

Seriously do yourself a favour.

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