Emotional abuse

[aiyshajc]

Hi I posted this on 'mental health' but been suggested to put it on here for advice from people could help more? Or that have been in the same situation
This is a hard and long one.
Basically I've been with my now husband for five years. Married for 2. We have a and one and half year old and he's the absolute love of my life he's the best thing in my world.
Since we've been together it's always been rocky. He's always been mean and controlling. I have no friends. I had to leave my bestfriend she was more a sister I can't tell you how many nights I cried as it felt like I was grieving. I've had numerous arguments with my mum and sister since me and my husband have been together. (Me,my sister and mum are like best friends we are all super close). He hates my mum I think it's because she tells him straight and doesn't like the way he treats me and the things he says to me.
When we row he calls me the most hurtful names that I'm fat, disgusting, a dumb C word. He laughs at how much of a failure I am and how if I died everyone would be better off. He says that I'm being horribke so I deserve it. I mean I'm not perfect, who is but I do not deserve the things he says to me. Tonight we rowed because I was wearing Colette's and a vest top. I purposely wear Colette's so he can't moan they are too tight fitting. He said I was showing my bum off and my boobs. I WAS CHANGING MY BABIES POOEY NAPPY.
If his friends come round I don't look at them or get into convos as I'm afraid I'll get accused of flirting. I used to wear makeup I'm not aloud to anymore because 'I shouldn't care what people think'. When really I think he just don't like me wearing. He wishes my mum and family dead. Says that I'm scum and a rubbish mum. When I'm not. I cook, I clean, my baby is always fed always happy not in the slightest neglected he's my world I just wouldn't dare he gets the best of everything. The other day we had two slices of bread left and a out of date bagel. My bubs had the bread for toast for breakfast and obviously I had the bagel, I always put him before me. Since he's been born I've been without him 4 hours as I'm not aloud out without either baby or my husband as he don't trust me. I can't even go for lunch with my mum. He can go out whenever he wants for as long as he wants. I've been with him since I was 16, I'm not 21 and it's now getting to the point where I'm struggling to be around him without recanting him. I love him of course I do I wouldn't still be here if I didn't. But I'm starting to hate myself. I have severe eczema which I struggle with and he picks on me when we row and says my skin is disgusting and I'm fat. He then apologises and says he feels bad and like a mug I forgive him. I feel so alone.
If I leave him he said he will take me to court over custody of my baby. His parents will do anything for him and will pay anything for him so he's saying he will move back in with his parents and get everything for our son and I won't be able to even afford food because I have no one supporting me. He said if I get put in a hostel for emergency accommodation he won't let me have my baby as it's not safe. My mum is not in a good financial situation to help me she is also disabled so I wouldn't be able o stay with her or rely on her financially. It was my my Nan and grandads 50th wedding anniversary and I wasn't even aloud to go because he doesn't like my family. I cook, I clean, I feed him and my baby,I do everything and he sits there because he works 6 hours a day and he 'provides' he takes all of my benefits which are in my name I don't have any money to spend if I needed it.
I need advice, I don't want my baby to be taken away I won't be able to live. Do I leave or make it work? How will I survive without his financial help? Anyone?
Sorry for the long message I just felt like I needed to get the whole picture out

He will NOT take the baby away. For all sorts of reasons...
You’ve been brainwashed into all these thoughts. None of it is true. Your skin problems are all stress related.

Ring Women’s Aid ASAP and get yourself and your little boy out.

He’s poisonous.

Pack a bag and take you child and go to your mums ASAP.

Get out now! As your title says, you are being abused.
Go to your mums and stay there. You are not going to lose your baby. You must get out now while you still have the mental strength to do so - you have posted here (that take strength) and you know it's abuse.

Go now. This is horrific. You can't go on like this. Think of your precious boy. You can't expose him to such abuse. It will have a devastating effect on both of you. Leave.

You have to get out now. He is severely abusive. Go back to your mum's. See what you would be entitled to and let him take you to court for access. You do not want that abusive scumbag around your child all the time.

Please leave and go to your mums. First priority is yours and ds. He will not change. Focus on you and ds. You will be able to claim help. U should depending on the area be able to claim universal credit. And for all its faults it is a step away from an abuser. Please look up woman's aid and freedom programmes. And take a moment to know u are doing the right thing. It may not seem it now but think how it would be in 5 10 or 15 years from now.

Please leave and go to a women's refuge. They'll take you and your child in and help you get back on your feet away from that evil shitbag!!

You can do it!

You are so young and you've been groomed to think this is ok
Get out and get out now

You are being very severely abused. He's ground you down until you don't know which way is up.

I recommend you read some of the Mumsnet stuff here on the Relationships board. You should probably speak to Women's Aid too. But if you have any family who can take you in for a few days I'd just pack up and go. You can get more help once you're away. This is a terrible situation for you and your son. You both deserve better

This is an awful account of emotional abuse that I have ever heard so far on hear.

You don't love him, you have some kind of Stockholm syndrome.

I can't advise you, there are plenty of people who can but I suggest you pack a bag and go live with your mum at the first chance you get.

Your post is painful to hear and I'm sorry this is happening to you but you need to get as far away from this man as possible.

This is heartbreaking to read. Please take everyone's advice and get yourself and your beautiful baby away from this horrible man.

I'm sure your mum would be happy to help you the best she can. Go to her.

How can you afford it you asked? Well firstly you will get your benefits that are in your name into your account. Why are your benefits going into his account? Have you got your own bank account?

Couldn't read to the end. This is so sad and you and your baby deserve so much better. This is not the love of your life. This isn't love at all! You need to get out of this ASAP. Can you imagine if your child was an adult and was with a woman who treated him like this? What advice would you give them? Your mother may not be in a financial situation to support you, but I am sure she would rather have you at hers while you sort all the necessaries out, than living with this awful man!

He is already successfully managing to alienate you from the people you are close to, which is a bad sign of worse things to come, and a classic abuser tactic. You need to contact women's aid/shelter/DV organisation. In the interim go to your mothers.

Just leave now .... things will only get worse and you could be in danger.

Pick up your son and go.

This situation is dangerous for you both. Go to your mum or sister. Contact Women's Aid. Get out now, you will manage

He is abusing you horribly, emotionally and financially. He won't be able to take your child from you, the courts wouldn't allow it, its an empty threat from him so you don't leave him. I would get your benefits back into your own account and leave to your mums or grandparents, none of your family would want you to suffer like this, they love you and will want to help.

OP, you and your son deserve so much better than this. You are still so young and can turn your life around without this vile man. He's threatening you because he doesn't want you to go. Please, for you son, get out of this toxic situation. You can do it and this post is your first step and catalyst for change. Well done for being so strong.

Hi I've read every one of your Comments and I think I know what the general consensus is lol.
The reason I didn't reply last night is because it kicked off again at around 10. Baby was asleep thankfully I'd set up camp on the sofa with him. Husband came out with annoyed I was sleeping on the sofa. Threw a fan across the room and got a really bright torch and started shining it in my eyes.i tried hiding my face but he just got in my face. He scared me so much I had to call my sister. He then like he always does called his parents. So my sister then told my mum to go round which she did with my cousin who is around 60 but she's bloody wise. He was being all civil, then as soon as my mum and cousin left he turned again tell his parents he wants me to die and that he's 'f**ked in the head and wants to kill him self' so if all became about him. He says without our son he would have killed himself by now and if I ever take him away he will do so. It literally looked like he was having a mental breakdown. His dad can see straight through him his mum doesn't and see him as the apple of her eye. Last night was the first night he actually scared me to death. And then when my family was on their way he started begging me for my forgiveness (which he wasn't getting) today is another day and tbh I'm scared what's going to happen. Thankyou SO much for everyone support. When someone's ins a place like I am it feels like no one cares but seeing how many people care and how many people think the same thing then I know now I'm not going crazy and what he's doing is wrong x

GET OUT
GET OUT NOW!!!!
Take your DS away from this abuse.
Your DS does not deserve this awful upbringing.
Social Services now consider abuse of the child to be in an abusive household - so you are allowing your DS to be abused.
You are his mum and only you can save him from this.

Call your mum and sister and pack up some stuff and leave.
This is awful abuse.
If he wants to kill himself then that is entirely his choice.
He won't though. It's all part of the abuse and manipulation.

If you really some reassurance that this is abuse then please call Womens Aid.
But for now, just get away.
Block him on everything and only have contact with him regarding access to DS via someone else, i.e. your mum our your sister.

RUN RUN RUN RUN AWAY - FAST!!!!!

Leave him. Go to your mum's, call Woman's Aid - don't tell him you're leaving, do it while he's at work. Get you and your son safe. It seems he can feel he's losing you and this makes him more dangerous - the light in the eyes was physical abuse, not emotional - he's stepping up the abuse.

Make a list of every shit thing he does, every reason living with him is hell, and give that list to your mum and sister. When he begs for forgiveness, or when you have a weak moment, your mind can get foggy and the thousand reasons for leaving him will suddenly be hard to remember or minimized in your head. In these moments you MUST talk to your mum or sister so they can remind you.

You are still young enough to have so many awesome, happy years ahead of you free of him.

And YOU WILL NOT LOSE YOUR SON. Do not let him scare you with that bullshit.

Call women’s aid asap OP this is dangerous for you and baby & he sounds beyond vile & unstable. Your baby will not be separated from you do not let him brainwash you into thinking this.

His mental health is not your responsibility. And also no excuse for being an abusive arsehole.

The safety of yourself and your DS is first and foremost here. His behaviour is escalating and I am scared for your safety.

Please do the following:

1. Pack a bag for you and DS as soon and you safely can.
2. Walk out. Do not tell him where you are going. Go to your Mum's.
3. Switch off your phone.
4. Breathe.
5. If comes anywhere near you and your Mum's house, call the police.

Once safely out, please do call Women's Aid.

He will not get custody of your baby. He sounds unhinged and dangerous.

JESUS

GET OUT NOW

RING WOMANS AID

BACK A BAG

GO TO POLICE

THESE ARE CRIMINAL OFFENCES

GET OUT

• he will soon kill you

I am sorry to say this Your story mirrors mine and I managed to break free the day he attempted to murder me

RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN AND DONT LOOK BACK

do not allow unsupervised access to baby he is not safe
Stay strong
Tell agencies EVERYTHING

GET OUT NOW. TODAY.

DO NOT TELL HIM, JUST GO.

He will attempt to Hoover you back in the next 24/48 hours. You must resist this. Did not answer the door. Do not take calls. He is a very very dangerous man who I shudder to think what hes capable of.