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Original poster

Am I over-reacting? I don't know if I am ...

44 replies

KitsAndBits · 04/08/2007 14:33

Basically my BIL comes over on a sat night. He smokes weed - alot.

DP goes in the garden to talk with him, and naturally smells of it.

About a week ago I asked him if he had smoked it,

he said no.

I asked and asked and asked and he said NO.

I found out today he has - twice,

its just not 'him' he doesnt even frink!

Im furious (not becaue he smoked it - well kind of - but i tried it one - only onne drag and it was awful) so i would be a hypocrit for saying that.

but its more that fact he lied to my face.

and the fact hes done it more than once.

Try it - ok but twice,, when will it stop?

I dont want him being like BIL

Plus the fact he lied to my face has torn me apart.

Theres a girl at work, i have this feeling, and instinct. d ONT think anythings happened but ive asked if theres anything there and hes denied it, again and again

but now i know hes capable of lying to me, and its just this gut feeling about her.

OP posts:
Original poster
KitsAndBits · 04/08/2007 14:33

*drink i meant, he doesnt drink

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Original poster
KitsAndBits · 04/08/2007 14:38

sorry about the shit typing, am a bit worked up

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tribpot · 04/08/2007 14:43

I think, based solely on the facts you've given here, you're overreacting. Your gut instinct about the girl at work has latched on to the fact that he's lied about smoking weed and is making 2 and 2 equal 5.

When did he smoke it? Recently? Years ago? Do you know why he lied to you? That would strike me as more important to sort out than smoking weed twice.

Seems reasonable that you are worried about the fact he's lied, how did you find out?

strawberry · 04/08/2007 14:43

I think you need to step back and take a breath. Some men lie for an easy life, but this doesn't necessarily mean they aren't trustworthy IYSWIM. I agree that generally the truth would be better usually. I don't think being dishonest about the weed means that he is having an affair. is there another reason you think this and how did you find about the weed? Also I think you should only ask a question once in a direct manner and then accept the answer - it sounds like you are interrogating him TBH! Are there underlying issues?

harleyd · 04/08/2007 14:48

he probably thought you would nag so lied for an easy life. doesnt necessarily mean hes shagging the bird at work

tiredemma · 04/08/2007 14:56

I lie when dp asks me how much my newest addition to my shoe collection cost ( Always half price in the sale!)- doesnt mean im lying about other, more important areas of my life. Easy life- cant be bothered with the lecture about me only having one pair of feet- why do I need so many shoes? blah blah blah

having a sly toke is not the same as having it away with another woman.

I think he lied because he knew you would be on his case, not because he is an deceitful, inherent liar.

Original poster
KitsAndBits · 04/08/2007 15:09

But I dont want him to smoke it.

He said he lied because d 'react luke this'

but hes a grown dad of 2 kids!! he shouldnt be doing drugs!!

Months ago before he became mates with my BIL he wouldve laughed at anyone smoking weed or drinking! - he did neither and thought it was daft.

Now i feel like hes just doing it to be 'cool' with his new mate., and fit in.

and that pisses me off because hes not 13!!

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Original poster
KitsAndBits · 04/08/2007 15:11

Hes just gone mental at me, screaming kicking the door,

in front of our 132 month old,

tipped me out of the chair,

hes not himself anmore

i love him, but i dont like him anymore

whats happened to him

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Original poster
KitsAndBits · 04/08/2007 15:12

13 month old

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harleyd · 04/08/2007 15:12

but thats the point, he is old enough to make his own decisions and if he is going to smoke weed there isnt really anything you can do.

Original poster
KitsAndBits · 04/08/2007 15:13

so if i just decided to start shooting up- thats ok as im old enough???

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tiredemma · 04/08/2007 15:14

Smoking weed twice would not cause such a rage in someone- has he been violent before?

Original poster
KitsAndBits · 04/08/2007 15:15

he says hes depressed, but i do everything for him, he has it cushy

never hit me, but threw things, very rarely tho.

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tiredemma · 04/08/2007 15:16

K+B there is hardly a comparison between smoking the odd spliff with your brother in law to scoring smack.

Im not saying that weed is not a bad drug- over time it can be- but its NOT the same as being addicxted to heroin.

perhaps you should go to the 'talk to frank' website to get some info.

and im not trying to sound patronising.

harleyd · 04/08/2007 15:16

didnt say its ok, but its your choice to do it. if i chose to smoke there isnt anything dh can do to stop me

Original poster
KitsAndBits · 04/08/2007 15:18

its just the icing on the cake really

hes changed so much, weve been together since 15 and he was just so lovely and now hes anything but.

i just cant see how he can change so much

he was so antidrugs and its shocked me that he would do this,

its like hes not him, hes the opposite of who i fell in love with, and i miss him

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tissy · 04/08/2007 15:19

listen, an occasional bit of weed doesn't make him a bad father.

You are completely over-reacting- he knew you would , and you did, so don't be surprised that he lied to you!

My best friend's brother has a 10 year old girl, smokes weed not regularly, but often enough, and is one of the best Dads I know.

Give him a break, and for God's sake don't go accusing him of having an affair because he lied about this.

Original poster
KitsAndBits · 04/08/2007 15:20

But it does!!

its a drug! and its illegal!!

gos why does it seem everyone thinks its ok??

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harleyd · 04/08/2007 15:20

smoking weed twice doesnt cause a big personality change, you would need to be doing it every day for that. do you think he has been hiding it from you for ages

Original poster
KitsAndBits · 04/08/2007 15:22

no, he was mega anti drugs until my bil started coming round about a month ago,

hes been changing since we had kids

i dint think hes happy

i think he feels trapped, but we made these babies togrther, on purpose.

if anything its me thats trapped

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eyesfront · 04/08/2007 15:24

good grief - who cares about the odd toke of a mate's spliff, you've got FAR bigger things to worry about. 'he's the opposite of who i fell in love with' is the big issue. Stop focussing on the symptoms, have a hard look at whether, if you met him today, you'd be with this bloke at all.

tiredemma · 04/08/2007 15:24

???

sorry k+b what is the problem here? that he smokes weed or he is not the person he was when you were 15?

I know that drugs are illegal- however I am educated enough on them to know that weed is not compariable to heroin.

Weed can be a 'gateway' drug to other drugs but that very much depends on the person, and weed has recently been proven to have links with some mental health issues- but only really when smoked literally day in day out for many years.

Im not disputing that its illegal!

It seems here that your issue is with him generally- the weed has just nailed it for you.

harleyd · 04/08/2007 15:25

i think you should give him a break on the weed thing, its not that big a deal really. but he cant be throwing things and tipping you out of chairs esp in front of the kids.

Original poster
KitsAndBits · 04/08/2007 15:25

''It seems here that your issue is with him generally- the weed has just nailed it for you.''

yea

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Original poster
KitsAndBits · 04/08/2007 15:26

i dont want him to leave, i dont want anyone else, ever.

i just want him to go back to normal

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