Online date number 25 (ish!). How many people did you meet...

[User20000000012]

Before you found someone who was right for you? And how long did it take?

I’m in year two and I think I’m on around date 25. Fed up is an understatement!

I’m happy for you, but don’t you think that most of us have the ability to judge character and spot bullshit? I certainly wouldn’t be very good at my job if I couldn’t. I agree that patterns from our childhood shape our adult relationships - for better or for worse - but I reject your assumption that we haven’t found someone because we lack “judgement”.

Six weeks online dating 2017.. went out with 2 lads

First guy: one date, snogged him but was moving abroad

Second guy : brought me 5 birthday presents for my birthday the following day. 2 year anniversary next week :) is the love of my life and treats me too well lol x

6 months, first guy I met has become on of my best friends (we dated briefly but really weren't right for each other romantically) then another 40 or so dates, a few disappointments, a few crazies but mostly just nice enough people who didn't click then met a guy for coffee after chatting online for a few days, coffee turned into a 12 hour date with dinner and drinks and a romantic walk. Been together for 10 years now, married for 8 with a 2 year old son. OLD can work but it can also be soul destroying and relentless. Nothing wrong with taking a break from it for a bit if you're not enjoying it.

3 dates over 3 weeks. I was very lucky, now married to date number 3.

Are you only going on one date with these men before you dismiss them? I wasn't really looking for a relationship when I was on tinder. I went on probably 30 dates in about 3 years.
My now husband and I dated casually as we both weren't looking for a relationship..As time went on we fell in love with each other. We both admit there was no magical spark on the first date. For me, I am never fully myself the first time I meet someone and I give the other person the benefit of the doubt too - to a certain point. I was ready to never see my husband again after the first date as didn't feel any chemistry but that came the more time we spent together.

@bubbles1960 I find your post very interesting. I also gave some guys another chance if there was no initial spark but I did find them attractive and compatible... however that never worked out for me and ultimately felt like a waste of my time. Whereas when DH and I met we sparked immediately, we're also very compatible, and our relationship is fantastic because we have both.

So personally I would never give someone the advice you have. & also I would advise people to be more open about who they are from the first date so avoid wasting time. I think your situation is rare and you are very lucky to have found love that way.

13 dates over 16 months. 11 of them I only saw once, and there was only one of those 11 I'd have been happy to see again.

One short term relationship (3 months) which I should have given up on much earlier, and after which I took a break, then met my partner of 5 years. We are very happily living together and I'm very glad I persisted even through the weirdos, dull dates and younger men just after a shag!

It was disheartening at times, but I had good friends who'd laugh at the bad dates and dreadful messages with me; met some really nice men whose company I enjoyed even though they were not right for me; didn't meet anyone a second time out of politeness; and called off dates if something felt a bit off when messaging after agreeing to meet.

In my situation it would have been hard to meet someone IRL as I didn't want a work relationship and most of my friends were married/couples so no pool of nice men. My lovely partner lived on the other side of the city and we had very different interests and backgrounds so would never have found each other. OK Cupid was the site we used, because there are lots of questions which go beneath the superficial. I also tried paid sites and more high-brow ones, but in the end it was the free one which worked.

Good luck.

@Omega369 Never said we didn't find each other attractive to begin with. This magical spark though that my single friends go on about just does not exist for everybody. If you are dismissing people after one date and are unhappy you are single then why not give people a second chance? I don't think you should continue with someone if you're repulsed by them after the first date just that people need to be more patient. I don't think it's rare that people find that they are more compatible the more they get to know each other. Also, being open with new people is great advice! Just don't get nervous, have any type of anxiety etc.

Oh I've lost count how many dates I've been on how many people have met probably 100 people over 8 years.
Thinking about it I probably say two-thirds of those people would not worth meeting.
Because it was not what you would call a nice evening it was boring or weird or strange.
Even a decent lunches/dinner dates or drinks seem like it's just dating by numbers going through the motions.
A small handful of people I've dated for a few months or longer but even then we didn't click that well.
Or maybe I mean we seem like in a different type of stilted relationship compared to other people.
I also have issues with people that want to meet you again but yeah keep you down there on their list of priorities so it's only it's only when it's convenient for them.
Last year I could have keep meeting someone but I wasn't sure if I was if I fancied him enough as I should and be he was always seeing his friends and felt like he wasn't prioritising me at all.
I could try meet up again or joining a hobby but at the end of the day that never ever works I can't even meet friends that way.
My best success was probably in the first couple of years I did meet a couple of very good friends only after a year or two things didn't work out because obviously friendzone and things get complicated.
I do like a natural kind of relationship so I really am trying to become friends first and then just go for it if it feels natural the problem is that takes such a long time to happen.
It's very rare.
For various reasons and issues I do know success in my 30s Now is very limited compared to mid to late 20s.
And loads of people are still on the same side so it's the same faces.
I think a couple of years ago or 3 years ago more new people within a 30 mile range were joining.
maybe more people use tinder but I don't like that or I never wanted to use that kind of site.

@bubbles1960 I don't think you read my post properly, & perhaps you're confusing the concepts of "attraction" "chemistry" and "compatibility" - these are all different things.

I'm glad that you're happy in your relationship and you're right that it's not rare that your compatibility increased over time, but it does surprise me that you so happily gave up looking for chemistry too and are happy to settle for a relationship without it. You say it doesn't exist for everyone - have you never felt it with anyone? I think that for most people, once they've experienced chemistry in one relationship they can't settle for a future relationship without it.

It's not essential though of course - eg there are many happy arranged marriages built on compatibility without chemistry.

I've been OLD for over a year. I've met with 9 people. 4 of those have gone on to be second or more dates. And I've slept with those 4. The others are one offs and not kissed etc.

I've had 2 relationships out of the 4. One for 4 months but not exclusive (I'd have liked it to be) and one for almost 6. I thought this was 'the one' but he wasn't in the same place. I've now been dating someone for 2 months but not yet a relationship or exclusive as I'm unwilling to throw myself into anything at this point.

You do hear of success stories. And I don't know how else I'd meet someone. I get approached (sometimes) in clubs but always by much younger men. So I'm sticking with it, for now.

I have noticed a pattern that with other people's relationships that work the relationship happened very quickly rather than slow slow slow.
I don't necessarily agree with having to meet somebody three times a week when you don't really know each other that well but at the same time meeting every two weeks or less is never gonna work.

@unique1986 You're absolutely right, at the start of a great relationship you should want to spend every spare minute with them! & it should feel easy - no trying to second guess what they're thinking or playing games!

True that a normal sane relatively confident person with a job a car home has friends has family has some sort of life.
So it's like is it only the weird ones or the really quiet ones that are willing to just spend their time with a new partner...

I just think if you can't fit somebody in once a week there is not enough interest.
I've had excuses like finance problems or working too much or really tired.
I mean come on everybody has time everyone can spare a few hours a week even if you're an hour and a half away from each other.
Exceptions are if you've already booked a holiday or you are working all weekend.
A guy I thought I liked accused me of being bored for the reason why I wanted to keep meeting up with him..

They might have got rid of their exes, but a lot (majority) of people still carry psychological baggage. Just got to keep wading through.....

One.

That was POF in 2011.

We've been married 5 years.
DD is almost 3.

(He'd been on there a while and had a fair few dates/short flings. I was just lucky.)

In 13 years on and off excess of 300 people.

I used to date 7 0r 8 a week, used to fill up 2 days with coffee dates and short greets, then if I liked them enough for a second date then it would be a little longer about 2 hours. then I gave up and I met the one. Lots of pointless but fun relationships. Good bit of experience don't remember most of them lol.

Id say for anyone is to have a basket and put all those lovely eggs in there and throw any out who dont fall into place.

I blitzed it and did about 6 dates in 6 weeks before meeting my current partner of 10 months.

The mistake I made initially was choosing the good-looking, charming ones with flirty banter (I was looking for something casual). The traits that make someone appealing online don't necessarily make a good partner.

I nearly swiped left for my current partner as he seemed a bit too nice and possibly boring. His profile was underwhelming but I wanted to make my date quota (I was on a mission).
Then we met up and as the evening went on I felt this intense connection with him and I just wanted to know everything about him and see more of him. I cancelled the other dates I had lined up because I couldn't stop thinking about him.
So I think, don't discount the ones with underwhelming profiles and try to be open-minded. I went in thinking I just wanted something casual and here I am ten months later...

@Omega369 haha nope sounds like we're misinterpreting each other again. Oh well,maybe I'm not explaining myself correcting. But anyway, both have great chemistry with our chosen partners so everybody's happy.