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Original poster

Online date number 25 (ish!). How many people did you meet...

70 replies

User20000000012 · 14/08/2019 19:26

Before you found someone who was right for you? And how long did it take?

I’m in year two and I think I’m on around date 25. Fed up is an understatement!

OP posts:
aleto · 14/08/2019 22:26
  1. I was 50 and not particularly hopeful. The first two were awful, number 3 was wonderful and we're now married :-). I think I struck lucky though, most of the men that contacted me were totally unsuitable and had no idea how to have a conversation. Hopefully you'll meet that wonderful person who's right for you soon.
Original poster
User20000000012 · 14/08/2019 22:28

It’s been 16 months of it so it seems like it will never happen.

Don’t know why but it’s hit me hard tonight.

OP posts:
Grobagsforever · 15/08/2019 19:32

@MummyLikesCrisps for men to pay for food????

MummyLikesCrisps · 15/08/2019 19:45

Yup.... and the pleasure of my company Grin

Omega369 · 15/08/2019 19:46

Well over 100! Try speed dating instead, that's how I met my DH

DDIJ · 15/08/2019 19:47

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

JustWantaloverLikeAnyOther · 15/08/2019 20:04

I think it's the worst way to meet someone.

So calculated and fake.

I went on several dates; some I saw more than once; all asked to see me again; a few I dated for a while.

Yet, every single one of them ultimately had a problem with me not 'womaning' properly.

I'm still single.

I think that, unless you're very 'mainstream' or very willing to toe the line, men aren't really interested.

Original poster
User20000000012 · 15/08/2019 20:14

Well this is quite depressing!! Ha ha

OP posts:
ukgift2016 · 15/08/2019 20:53

I was on the same number of dates as you. I finally met my now partner and glad to be out of that hell. Keep it up OP but give yourself breaks if you need it.

Original poster
User20000000012 · 15/08/2019 21:03

I feel so shit about it. There’s so much messing around and juggling people’s feelings if they like you and you don’t feel the same. The whole thing is just shit and I would love so much to no longer date.

I feel like the only single woman my age.

OP posts:
SonataDentata · 15/08/2019 21:07

JustWantALover - I think you might be on to something there. All the single women I know are unusual in some way - unusually successful, wealthy, artistic, clever or something like that. Or just really individual. Personally, I think it puts men off that I live outside London, despite the fact I’m only half an hour away on the train and have a lovely house that I own Hmm It’s truly pathetic that so many seem to think they can’t be bothered coming to see me out here.

Original poster
User20000000012 · 15/08/2019 21:09

Do people just keep at it? Is that how you ended up finding someone?!

I could have settled so many times. That would have been preferable as I sit here alone !

OP posts:
boredboredboredboredbored · 15/08/2019 21:12

I signed up to POF had a few messages over a few hours then one around 5 hours later. Seemed attractive, my type on paper. Chatted for a week on Whatsapp then met up. That was 2 years ago and we are getting married in February. So only one date....he had many dates though over a few years I just got very very lucky.

SonataDentata · 15/08/2019 21:24

I regret not settling and I also regret leaving my ex. Although our relationship was unhappy towards the end, I’m even unhappier now. I wouldn’t even mind being divorced if I’d just once had someone who liked me enough to propose.

Original poster
User20000000012 · 15/08/2019 21:27

I feel the same.

Never having even been married or had any sort of life with someone...that’s what’s so shit. I have everything I need and want in life but my god it’s lonely.

OP posts:
SonataDentata · 15/08/2019 21:28

I feel like it almost makes it worse... I have such a lovely, full life, and I really make the most of it, but I have nobody to share it with. The massive irony is that I’ve got everything I ever wanted apart from the thing I wanted more than anything else...

gwilt · 15/08/2019 21:31

@User20000000012 I felt the same. It really helped to take a break sometimes.

I think I online dated for 6 months, had a few months off, then tried again. Best was when someone I'd had a first date with (who wasn't interested in a second) asked me out again, not remembering who I was Grin.

Also I think I'd normalised odd and manipulative dating behaviour to an extent, so when I immediately felt comfortable with my now husband all the other dates paled into comparison. I might not have known if I hadn't had them.

All the best Flowers.

Original poster
User20000000012 · 15/08/2019 21:34

Sonata I feel EXACTLY the same way. How old are you if you don’t mind saying?

Gwilt how long were you dating for?

OP posts:
SonataDentata · 15/08/2019 21:38

I’m 29.

cookiechomper · 15/08/2019 21:49

I was on it for 2 years. I think I met about six people but I spoke to hundreds. I never wasted time going to meet people unless I clicked with them first. I think my husband was about the 6th or 7th date I went on.

Fl0rence1985 · 15/08/2019 22:06

I met my partner on a banter group on Facebook (it's not as Jeremy Kyle as it sounds)
I was on there when I wasn't feeling great and it helped to chat and have a laugh with a range of different people without any expectations or pressure of anything else.
I have also met some of my closest friends on there who I see fairly regularly.
I never expected to find anyone on there but I did and he's lovely. If I'd have met him on a dating site, I probably would have passed up the opportunity to be this happy as there's too much pressure and it feels a bit forced.
We spent a good few months just chatting on there before private messaging and when we first met it was easy as I felt like I already knew him really well.
It's not for everyone, I know but it's an option.

Ker100 · 15/08/2019 22:07

@sonatadentata don't despair! Honestly annoying as it probably sounds- you are still young.
In my group of female friends not one of us had a serious relationship at 29. Now we're late thirties/early forties and are, without exception, married with children.
Agree with a pp about speed dating. It's how I met my DH and a good friend of mine too.

Wombleish · 15/08/2019 22:08

You'll hate me. It took me 2 months and 3 dates to meet my now DH Blush

SonataDentata · 15/08/2019 22:10

I know that’s true, rationally, but I’m the only one left. If nobody wanted me in my late 20s, when I should (theoretically) be at my most attractive, I can’t imagine anyone wanting me later. No offence meant to older women, of course.

MiniTheMinx · 15/08/2019 23:27

5 days, 157 messages and 3 dates, I married the 3rd.

I ruthlessly sifted, sorted and deleted. First on looks, secondly on first message, thirdly on profile. I never did read all those messages. I got bored.

I'm not especially lucky, I'm certainly not any man's dream doormat who 'womans' well, but I am clever, quirky, odd, 40s, difficult, and fussy. I've been described as a Tom boy, as odd, and as eccentric. I don't live in a city either. I don't have a blazing career, a huge house or have exotic holidays. But I do have an ability to spot bullshit.

Some of it is luck, some of it is judgement. But mostly I think that my ability to accurately weigh people up quickly is due to having had such a fantastic mother. She was sharp and understood very well how the world worked.

I believe that how we behave, our expectations and therefore also how we are treated is dependent on quite complex dynamics that are rooted in our life experiences, mostly in our very formative years. I don't believe OLD is some strange aberration where only chancers hang out. It's fairly representative of society, there are good people with intentions. You need to believe you deserve to meet them, and know how to spot them.

If someone wonderful can find this mad old bat (me) and I can find him (aging old romantic who is better looking than Oliver Reed) ) then there is hope for you. I was 45 when I got married, and I don't mind a bit that it took so long to find him, because I did.