It's been awhile since I was on here - my last post was a stressed out anxious one - then things improved - and some of the paranoia I had were justifiable!
We're at a crossroads - things had gone well but now due to a number of factors we've began to move back to a toxic situation. During one argument I raised my concerns over paternity of our children.....the reason I had done this was due to her reaction to my questioning paternity when I found out she was having an affair.
When I was asking what other affairs she might have had (we had been together for almost 25 years at that point!) and how long - and that she was capable of anything after the emotional abuse and long term affair and her utter denials, gaslighting and attitude towards me (during one argument before I confronted her with my knowledge of her affair she called me a 'fucking piece of shit' and would at times even try and hit me during arguments.
Anyway, she was upset that I had found out about the affair and was in her car crying and talking on the bluetooth (handsfree) when I asked about paternity - her response was the most primal, fearful shrieking noise I have ever heard - and it's left a very deep mark as she vehemently denied ever cheating before and that she would never ever carry another mans child and claim he was mine.
It got brought up in an argument a few months ago and now we're talking about paternity tests - as otherwise I will always use this against her..
When we were first trying for a baby - we had tried for months - and then I had my sperm tested - it was 'clumping' and we were told that this sperm agglutination might have an impact on my sperms fertility.
I remember the period well as my partner was completely driven motivated and obsessed with having a baby - her hormones went crazy - and it was a constant process of having sex at key points - which was more robotic rather than sexy! She went from not wanting to wanting children and went to the extremes!
We had been trying for a year before our eldest son was conceived......I did have some minor doubts at the time as the potential infertility or low fertility of my sperm freaked me out!
Our 2nd son was born 3 years later....with a number of miscarriages suffered along the way.
It used to upset me when people would always say our children look like their mother. When my partner would point out to my Mum some feature of my son that he must have inherited from me my Mum would kind of ignore it or say she didn't see the link.
Anyway, (sorry for long post), we're still together as we've been working on our relationship and trying to give it a shot....My partner has now brought up the paternity testing and got angry - saying that if I don't trust her now then what's the point.....and now she has said that she wants to have the most expensive test done that has no margin of error and is recognised by the courts - and that this could then be given to the Child Maintenance Service so that I'm paying the correct amount in Child Maintenance - so that I pay what I should - and that I can never use paternity against her or hold it over her ever again as some kind of moral victory.
It feels like my bluff is being called - that the financial element - of me paying hundreds of pounds for each test -and child maintenance (while we're still together and living together as a family!) will intimidate me.
She has also said that I should feel proud that I will be subjecting our children to DNA Tests and I will have to explain to them why I am doing this - that I had questioned if I was their father.....I told her that that would be completely damaging and horrific.
So....any views, comment please! I love my children -and the last thing I would ever do is cause them any harm or upset!
My partner doesn't realise that I would only pay Child Maintenance if we split up.