5 years together and he dumped me by e-mail

[PennysPocket]

Just that really.

We didn't live together as I have DC who liked him but I didn't want their home taken over and he did not want to move in either. We stayed at each others house 4 times a week and did stuff as a family. He said he loved me and we talked about a future together.

We have been bickering a lot the last few months mostly started by him or because of his behaviour.
We had a stupid argument and didn't talk for a few days.
I e-mailed him and said "can we talk? I love you but I don't understand what's going on. I want to be with you"

He replied " I have been unhappy for quite a while. I have reached a point where I just don't want to be with you. We're done Penny you need to deal with it".

I am devestated. I have hardly slept or eaten in 4 weeks. I asked him for a better explanation but he has ignored me.
So I blocked his number and deleted it so I don't beg.

I cannot see a future anymore. I don't want anyone but him. I don't understand why he would treat me this way.

Now MN you are going to tell me off but in the last 7 months which he says he's been unhappy for. He happily accepted the following from me:
£200 TV as he got a new place and didn't have much money.
£50 microwave.
£60 worth of household bits.
New clothes.
£350 weekend away in Newcastle.
£115 to repair his car.
Countless meals out and nights out paid for by me.

In truth he wasn't a good bf. He spoke to me like crap. Constantly critised me and made me feel I was not good enough. He started smoking weed again (I never allowed it in my home and he couldn't smoke it in his old house). He never had any monet despite a decent job but then again I didn't care I loved him.

Turns out most of my family and friends didn't really like him either and it seems for good reason.
I know he's a twat. I know I deserve better.
So why I am still so heartbroken? Why would I take him back this second if he asked me?
I think at 41 I am just so scared I will never meet anyone else and will be alone I am holding on to him.

Please give it to me straight. Help me see what a shit he is so that my heart mends.

PennysPocket, this contemptuous man got a charge out of diminishing you while you were gifting and supporting him.

Surely you will not take him back when the new woman stops boosting his ego and bank account.

You know what respect looks like. Never accept anything less. Move forward and look for ways to rebuild your confidence and self-esteem. You owe that to yourself and your children.

Wow.

I nodded so much reading that article my head nearly fell off.!!

It is my ego that's hurt not my heart.
I did so much for him and put up with so much how could he dump me?

Thank you to all that posted this is the first time I have felt positive in a month.
I know I will still have shit days but I think on those days I will read this thread

The saddest thing about this @PennysPocket is that your self esteem must be so low to ever have accepted a man treating you like this. Before you enter any other relationships I would focus on building that up so you only consider partners who you deserve - decent and respectful. Everything that last bastard wasn't.

I'm pleased you feel better and I little more positive.

This should cheer you up....I'm actually quite jealous of your shitty dressing gowns and groupon meal. I got for xmas......wait for it.....cat litter. Yes, you read that right, cat litter! To be fair, I also got 4 Tesco finest croissants. But he kinda spoilt that by eating them all the next morning

(I may have outed myself because I have told a lot of people about this. I'm known at my hairdresser as the 'girl who got cat litter for xmas' )

Nooooooooo!

OMG Min is it bad that I laughed? I am so sorry.

Some men just do not deserve good wome or any woman at all for that matter!!

Hi op, please read the attached pic of a comment from another thread I've found really useful.
I hope it helps you as much as it did me.

“ if a loser like him didn’t want me after everything I did for him then I must be unlovable”

Turn this around: he treated me badly. His opinions about me are biased and unreliable. I’ll discard his opinions.

From your posts it's clear it was your open purse that kept his interest and he must have now found a new source of income, almost certainly another besotted OW.

It shouldn't take you long to realise you are much better off both emotionally and financially without him in your life.

That's ok PennysPocket.
Im pleased it's made you laugh and cheered you up.

If I can get through it, so can you. You just need to be kind to yourself (and also laugh at the truley stupid arseholery that he did!)

Woke up feeling sad again and missing him so I read the thread.
Feel much better so much so I made and ate breakfast!

Everytime I think of him or miss him Itry to remind myself of what a shit he is.
My lovely friend is coming to stay at the weekend as she is worried about me so we are going for drinks tonight. Should be fun.

You aren’t heartbroken, you’re just desperate to be in a relationship, even a really shitty one.

This is the perfect opportunity to ask yourself why you chose to give this twat so much power? He didn’t have super powers, he just targeted a woman who didn’t appreciate her self worth and was prepared to accept shittiness.

I am so pleased for you. So pleased you are no longer involved with this horrible toad of a man.

He sounds disgusting. Really foul.

Now, it's time for you to really enjoy yourself. Indulge in what you love to do.

You know you'll meet someone else in a while.

And now you won't put up with the same crap this creepy man gave you.

Be prepared if the OW doesn't work out, that he'll want income again...I had an ex come back and plead, I kept avoiding his eye and saying no, he kept pleading and got desperate 'If you don't come back I won't have anyone to look after me'
Well that got me cross!! All I could think of was the fact that to start with in our living in he did the loos, the bins etc but by the end...he did NOTHING, and I earned about 4 x what he did .
I am not a slave, nor a bank to dish out ££for a lowlife.

OP, that wasn’t love, it was codependency. He needed your money, and you needed to feel wanted and useful. He was seeking a comfortable easy life from a woman, and you were seeking validation from a man.

The only validation that matters is from yourself. Your worth is not determined by whether you can hang on to some (any) crap man.
Take some time to rebuild your self esteem and confidence, before you even think of dating again. And when you do, choose a partner who gives as much as he takes, who prioritises your happiness and wellbeing equally with his own, who actually cares about you. That’s not an ideal, that’s a bare minimum. Good luck. It will ease with time, and you will look back and be so relieved you’re not still with that twat.

Stay strong and for kicks and kicks flick him an email
Dear Dick
No worries re the breakup just a shame you beat me to it. Please let me know when you will be dropping my tv, appliances and watch back and if you have a repayment plan for the money you borrowed from me.
Penny