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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Midwife tommorow and mostly worried about one thing.. someone help?

77 replies

Sjoe456 · 08/08/2019 14:23

Okay this is a little embarrassing.. but you know what fuck it were all human.. so I have my midwife tommorow for the first time and I'm very anxious as I know they ask everything. In February 2016 I had an ex boyfriend and sorry for the TMI but he done oral on me and a few days later I got cold sores down there and went to doctors and was told it was HSV type 1 which is mostly just mouth cold sores! I am 10 weeks pregnant on saturday.. and I THINK I'm having an outbreak now but theres no sores my lady area is just very swollen especially in the middle and a bit at the side.. and feels a bit painful.. but I read online that sometimes pregnancy can cause thrush or u can get swollen down there but it's hard to know, as since I was told I had that 3 and a half years I have had I think 2 outbreaks I think and really it was my own fault as I wore to tight Jean's and it sort of irritated it. Now I've been with a guy for 2 years (the baby daddy) and in the past I have tried to tell him about it I said I got this thing a wile ago cause my ex went down on me and it gave me cold sores down there.. and he sort of just panned it off then a few weeks ago I said to him again "Ill have to tell the midwife about the thing I had down there it's just like cold sores basically but its type 1 which is the better type and he goes omg you have herpes then he goes haha joking not a big deal and that was the last we ever talked about it... will I have to say to my midwife tommorow and will the doctors say infront of my boyfriend In the future?? Everytime I try talk about it he just sort of pans it off but I'd rather have a mature convo about it.. we have been together two years and he has never had any symptoms. Thank u guys for listening

OP posts:
Jaffacakesaremyfave · 08/08/2019 22:55

OP, I would advise you to go to a GUM clinic ASAP and get the appropriate tests done to know for sure whether you have herpes or whether it is something else. They can examine you there for any visual signs and also take swabs to send for testing.

If I read your post correctly, you haven't actually been diagnosed with genital herpes in the past? You may be worrying over nothing if it turns out to be something much more commen (thrush in pregnancy is very common and can cause the symptoms you are describing).

If you do have herpes, the risk of infecting the baby in the womb (congenital herpes) is extremely low. If you were infected with herpes before the 3rd trimester (which you think you were infected before you were pregnant?), the risk of transmission to the baby during birth is much lower.

If you have an outbreak of herpes from 36 weeks, they can give you medication (acyclovir) to stop the transmission to the baby during birth.

It is important to tell your midwife of your concerns but she won't be able to diagnose you so you should also visit your GUM clinic.

Trust me, your midwife and the GUM clinic staff see this all the time every day and won't judge you at all. It is an infection just like other infections which they see day in day out.

I'm sure if you ask the midwife to put it in your notes to not discuss this in front of your partner then I'm sure they would oblige where possible, however if you are about to have a child with this man then surely he should be able to offer you support and reassurance, rather than judgement about this.

Original poster
Sjoe456 · 08/08/2019 23:00

Thank you jaffa cakes.. sorry I wasn't so clear in my post I avrually was diagnosed with it in febuary 2016, since then I have had 2 outbreaks, one on Christmas eve and then the following November, so 3 and a half years ago I was diagnosed with it, its hsv type 1 aswell x

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 08/08/2019 23:02

“ I also say after the midwife tommorow I'm gonna explain properly to him“
So why are you asking whether the midwife is going to mention it in front of him?

BertrandRussell · 08/08/2019 23:05

You were diagnosed 3 years ago and have been having unprotected sex with someone who does not understand the condition. Words fail me.

Jaffacakesaremyfave · 08/08/2019 23:07

@BertrandRussell if the OP's partner is old enough to have sex and impregnate another women then he's old enough to educate himself on what fucking STD's are!

The OP told him she may have herpes and it's up to him to decide whether he wanted to take the risk of having unprotected sex with her. Why is the onus on the OP to 'make sure he understands'?

How has the OP been at all unreasonable here?

MissYeti · 08/08/2019 23:08

I've had coldsores for years but only had an outbreak downstairs at 32 weeks pregnant. Was given acyclovir to treat it and a 4 week stash for end of pregnancy.

My understanding is if you haven't been having sex during an outbreak your partner won't have caught it from you. It's the same as not kissing people if you have a coldsore.

You should make your midwife aware so they can make preparations for the end of your pregnancy. There's no reason for them to talk about it in front of your partner unless you have an outbreak as far as I can tell. You should make sure he understands though

PollyRoe16 · 08/08/2019 23:16

The midwife will add the fact you have genital herpes to your notes and then you may be referred to a consultant to be monitored during pregnancy. For me this just consisted of two appointments to check how many outbreaks had occurred and a prescription of acyclovir to ensure I don't get an outbreak before going into labour. No judgement whatsoever from the midwife or consultant 👍🏻

Jaffacakesaremyfave · 08/08/2019 23:16

That's OK @Sjoe456, I may have read your post wrong. I would still recommend ruling out thrush as it is very commen in pregnancy and easily treated or other possible causes of your symptoms.

Ignore @BertrandRussell, you haven't done anything wrong here as you told your DP you have had it in the past and he chose to have unprotected sex with you. If he doesn't understand the risks posed then it is up to him to educate himself. You have tried to explain but maybe you could tell your midwife your concerns about him finding out and ask her to explain it to him in a way he can understand so you feel less embarrassed by it all? The midwife is there to offer you support also so please dont be afraid to share any concerns you have with her. Hope all goes well tomorrow and congratulations on your new baby xx

Ronnie27 · 08/08/2019 23:22

They won’t judge you op. STIs are just one of those things when you’re sexually active. They already know you’ve had unprotected sex as you’re now pregnant. If you don’t feel comfortable mentioning it at the appointment in front of your partner why don’t you give your midwife a call privately for some advice on this after the appointment when you’ve got her details etc?

SonataDentata · 08/08/2019 23:26

Wow, so much misinformation on this thread - as usual on herpes threads. Please speak to your midwife and get the proper medical facts as most of what has been written here is flat-out incorrect.

BertrandRussell · 09/08/2019 07:19

It is the responsibility of the person with the STI not to have sex with anyone who is not fully aware of the potential consequences.

Original poster
Sjoe456 · 09/08/2019 11:12

Update! I told my midwife and she never even wrote it down on my notes.. she said was it all cleared up and how many have I had since and I said 2, she never put it in my notes she just said to keep an eye x

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 09/08/2019 12:00

If you have genuinely been diagnosed with genital herpes, your midwife was extraordinarily incompetent not to put it on your notes. Are you sure you told her properly-or did you tell her they same way you told your partner?

Original poster
Sjoe456 · 09/08/2019 12:48

Yeah I said it was herpes and I got diagnosed with it Feb 2016, she never wrote it down on my notes .. so strange, should I tell her again when I go back at 16 weeks I'd rather it down on the notes ?? I told my boyfriend again today properly. And he said so it doesnt matter I dont care about that" is there anyway I can say to her to put it down on the notes the next time

OP posts:
Original poster
Sjoe456 · 09/08/2019 12:50

Because I want medication and all to be on the safe side to take. She also told me about if theres active sores theyl probly do a C section etc so she definitly knows about it.

OP posts:
Jaffacakesaremyfave · 09/08/2019 13:52

@BertrandRussell get a grip. If someone is unable to understand and educate themselves on what an STD is when their partner has explained they have one then that's their problem. If you are incapable of looking after your own sexual health then you shouldn't really be having sex!

You very likely have HPV but I doubt you have a fucking clue what it is and dont sit down with every partner trying to explain the risks in depth before having unprotected sex. How is that any different to this situation so you're guilty of what you are accusing OP of!

OP, I'm glad your appointment went OK today.

Original poster
Sjoe456 · 09/08/2019 13:55

I know what a fuckin prick that bert person is, I've told my boyfriend twice he had the choice to educate him further if he wanted but he decided to keep havin unprotected sex with me it was his choice to

OP posts:
Middersweekly · 09/08/2019 16:22

OP the MW May have written it in the online hospital notes system rather than write it on your personal notes that you carry around with you. To be sure though I would mention it again at 16 weeks and suggest you are aware you will need acyclovir at 36 weeks.

Original poster
Sjoe456 · 09/08/2019 17:18

Yeah I think she did put it in the hospital notes . Will it be mentioned again at future scand etc?? Not a big deal if they do as I mentioned it to my boyfriend again and be really doesnt care about it but just curious to kno x

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 09/08/2019 17:37

You need to make sure it’s on the paper notes you carry with you just in case something unexpected happens. It really is potentially quite serious for your baby.

smartcarnotsosmartdriver · 09/08/2019 17:46

@BertrandRussell it depends on area. My paper notes have very few personal details, mostly info for me and details of my appointments. Everything else is digital.

BertrandRussell · 09/08/2019 18:10

Fair enough. I just think the OP is taking a potentially serious situation far too lightly.

Karigan195 · 09/08/2019 18:15

Don’t worry OP. Firstly midwives have seen a lot and won’t be phased. Secondly they will screen you for STIs etc as part of the initial bloods.

So just tell them and then follow guidance

Karigan195 · 09/08/2019 18:17

Oops sorry missed update. My screen said two pages but a third just appeared.

It should be in the handwritten notes somewhere as well.

RummidgeGeneral · 09/08/2019 18:23

I think it is all going to be fine. My medical professionals were pretty relaxed. One dr even said it was a good thing to have met hsv before becoming pregnant. Had 3 normal deliveries. Hope all good for you.