DH's solo trip

[Bananasplitter]

DH is somewhat eccentric. He always did things on his own to some extend.

anyhow, this summer, he left a job in July and starts a new role in September so lots of time in between and he decided to go on a 4 week interrailing type holiday on his own. he also wants peace and quite and time for himself, so he decided not to take the phone. I have no means of contacting him, also in case of emergency.

we have DS1 (12) and DS2 (6). DS2 has a chromosome disorder and severe LDs. I also work and we have no family support . So whilst DH is traveling I am working, ferrying DC to the holiday clubs (the SN inclusive for DS2; DS1 goes to a football club near home. All awfully stressful.

Next week I will be going away with the DC (last minute type package holiday in Croatia if that matters). So we aren't sitting at home whilst DH is travelling.

anyhow, I am so used to the odd things DH does. I am not really bothered but I got a lot of reactions from friends when I told them about DH's latest 'adventure'.

I am not sure it's me - is it weird to be not bothered by this? Is this a sign that things have gone wrong for too long and that I am now on a position where I am unable to tell when things cross a line. or is it great that we give each other (well, I give him - I would never do the same, I just couldn't) space or is leaving a family which includes a child with complex needs without any means to be contacted behind totally out of order?

I really cannot tell anymore and this worries me just as much as his actual trip.

relationship is fine. no abuse of any form. but we we are both rather stressed which leads to frequent arguments. not blaming DS2 but his disability put a lot of pressure on us and we get zero help from SS or family.... DH struggles much more than I do with DS2. just for context.

would appreciate some thoughts.

No it's not okay and he's disgustingly selfish. Fine to have a solo trip, although 4 weeks is taking the piss. Why couldn't he have a shorter one and then take over with the kids so you can get a break too?

Being uncontactable? Abhorrent. Does he realise that if you ended up in hospital for some reason your kids would end up in foster care as you have no family support? Is he okay with that? Does he care that his kids might miss him and want to say hi?

What a pisstake. Even if you’re not bothered (whether that’s because he’s worn you down over the years with his selfish behaviour or not is for you to decide) but it’s fucking unreasonable as a parent, any parent, to disappear for that long with absolutely no contact. He’s acting like a complete arse, plus I wouldn’t be convinced that this wouldn’t have a negative impact, now or further down the line, on your DC.

Totally selfish!

I can understand wanting a weekend away or whatever but four weeks?!!!! No way!

Utterly utterly disgusting to just up and leave you to juggle all the balls while he goes and 'finds himself'!

If that was my DH, I'd have told him not to bother coming back!

So 4 weeks peace & quiet - does this mean he's not contacting you or kids at all during this time ?

Eccentric or egotistical? No one with young children can 'check out' for 4 weeks - he's still a parent with responsibilities

What would happen if you had a medical emergency- would the kids need social services involved if you've no family support & awol parent

I think the fact that the OP ran for the hills once someone called her precious husband a cunt is a good sign of where she is mentally. Her normal is most likely what he tells her it is, and anyone who challenges that is the one in the wrong.

I think you are spot on HulksPurplepanties

How terribly sad

I don't know what you mean by he's not like most husbands. He's not like most human beings, people with a family. Children with additional needs, don't fuck off out of it for four weeks and not take their phone. That's not eccentric. That's uncaring, uninvolved, cold and selfish.

Are you simply accepting of his behaviour because you fear being alone, so basically it's a case of keeping your mouth shut so you don't rock the boat?

Why are you asking?

OP has hidden the thread sadly.

Fuck that for a laugh! No ways on planet earth is that right, let alone fair.

I would only be bothered by him not taking his phone. What’s the logic behind it?

He has 2 kids, he can’t just go off the radar for so long.

I would just make sure you book in 2 weeks solo yourself within the next year

I would be very surprised if this bloke was travelling alone. He'll also have another phone with him, there's no way he'll be travelling around without one for at the very least emergency use.

What an arsehole, sodding off and leaving his DW to do everything.

I think OP can't see the wood for the trees, she sounds so warn down.

*worn, not warn.