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Original poster

Drunk mans words, sober mans thoughts?

35 replies

OldNotWise1 · 07/08/2019 13:01

Something happened at the weekend when dp was drunk and it has upset me a lot. We have been together a year and he is six years younger than me, I am in my late thirties and have a child from a previous relationship.

We have a lot of banter between us and we have always been quite jokey with one another but sometimes I feel he oversteps the line . The jokes he makes are always based around me being older than him and I usually take this in good faith and give it straight back to him although on occasion I have had to tell him he has gone too far. At the weekend he went to the pub to watch the football and he had had a few drinks. He called me and started taking the mickey out of my age, kept calling me an old bastard while his friends were laughing in the background. He made a comment as well about me being lazy and asked if I was lying around like a slob or was I actually doing anything useful (I had actually taken DS out for the day so I wasn’t lazing around at home like he said I was). I ended up putting the phone down on him. He has made jokes about my age in front of other people before but not to this extent.

Since then he has insisted that he was joking but it has really hurt my feelings and it has given me a complex. I don’t know if I am over reacting here but I don’t understand why you would call someone you supposedly love and take the piss out of them like that. He says if my age was an issue he would not be with me but clearly it is a problem as it keeps being mentioned. I have received an apology from him but I am feeling very sad today, like I am old and past it and like I am some sort of joke.

I had been on my own for quite a while before I met dp as I was concentrating on me and my son. I took it slowly with him but looking back he has always been quite scathing of me, under the guise of him joking. Do I have a sense of humour failure or is this some sort of emotional abuse? I don’t know what to think anymore.

OP posts:
RoLaren · 07/08/2019 13:05

It's emotionally abuse from an immature man. Don't tolerate it, you deserve better. Break up, focus on your son and better luck next time x

Bookworm4 · 07/08/2019 13:07

That’s not banter, he belittled you for his friends amusement. Get rid of him. Nasty bully that he is.

HollowTalk · 07/08/2019 13:08

He sounds really horrible. You are his emotional punch bag. Get rid; you'll be a lot happier.

ElevenOhFive · 07/08/2019 13:18

Please do not set the bar so low as to accept this type of nasty and uncaring behaviour. This is why I dislike the word ‘banter’ so much - it is used as a cover for unkind and offensive behaviour, and then the blame shifted to the injured party for having a sense of humour failure because “it was only a bit of banter, right?” Wrong.

You sound like a good and kind person OP, and have prioritised yourself and your son in the past - please do so again by removing this person from your lives immediately. Take care Flowers

Cliques · 07/08/2019 13:24

Dh and I have a similar age gap, there is never any doubt that it’s not an issue. He would never say anything like your dp has, and he certainly wouldn’t do it in front of other people. Your dp is immature. It’s not a joke if only one person is laughing.

I would chalk this one up to experience and find someone else. It’s not the age gap that is the issue, it’s the idiot.

LinoleumBlownapart · 07/08/2019 13:29

Stop now. I would ask him why he wants to be in a relationship with a lazy old bastard. I would also tell him that as you are none of those things, you will be leaving him so he can go about looking for the lazy old bastard he clearly wants to be with.

LinoleumBlownapart · 07/08/2019 13:32

I'll give my 10pence as to why he said those things, it's because he desperately needs to put you down so he can feel good about himself. Don't ever be with someone that knocks you to the ground, just so they can stand an inch above you.

TwistyTop · 07/08/2019 13:37

He sounds like a dickhead

Bluntness100 · 07/08/2019 13:37

So he phoned you up so he could take the piss and insult you for his friends amusement,

And you're on here because you genuinely. Seriously. Can't tell if this is unacceptable?

Well let me clarify. It's beyond unacceptable. He ripped you apart to amuse his friends, made you look like some desperado for their enjoyment, god knows what he was saying before and after the call.

End it. You must know you don't let a man abuse you for his friends amusement and entertainment. What must they also think of you? To allow this?

WelshMammaofaSlovak · 07/08/2019 13:39

@LinoleumBlownapart This!!!

Lllot5 · 07/08/2019 13:42

If it wasn’t your age it would be something else. Just another prick I’m afraid. Get rid

Original poster
OldNotWise1 · 07/08/2019 13:44

@ElevenOhFive thank you; that is a very kind message x

@LinoleumBlownapart I feel like he talks to me like that because he actually thinks he’s too good for me and is letting me know that actually I should be grateful to be with him, that’s how it feels.

I am going to end things with him and go back to concentrating on me and my son. I am a bit anxious about breaking things off as I am worried that he will turn this all around on me as he’s very good at making me feel like I am at fault.

Thank you for giving me the support I need to walk away from this.

OP posts:
OldAndWornOut · 07/08/2019 13:46

He sounds an absolute wanker.
Phoning up to show off in front of his equally wanky friends.

Original poster
OldNotWise1 · 07/08/2019 13:48

@Bluntness100 you are quite right on all counts. Yes his friends must think I am a complete mug. I don’t know why I’ve put up with this to be honest. It’s embarrassing really. I guess it’s the old chestnut of me thinking the good times have outweighed the bad coupled up with him making me believe I’m overly sensitive, he was only joking etc:

OP posts:
threemonthstogo · 07/08/2019 13:52

This is absolutely emotional abuse. I've been with someone like this, it is all designed to cut you down and make you feel small and grateful so you are controlled. And yes, often done under the guise of "jokes" so the other person can be blamed for taking offence.

You do not want to be with a man like this, he sounds horrible. He will wear you down and break you over time if you don't. There is absolutely nothing old about being in your late thirties. I am, my friends are, and several of them are with men with similar or bigger age gaps than you and none of them speak to them in this way or even ever raise it.

Thanks for you OP, he sounds like a nasty twat and you deserve much better.

HollowTalk · 07/08/2019 13:53

In practical terms, whose home is it? Do you share bank accounts?

Tighnabruaich · 07/08/2019 13:53

" I am a bit anxious about breaking things off as I am worried that he will turn this all around on me as he’s very good at making me feel like I am at fault."

So? So what he turns it round - you'll be free of him, who cares what he thinks then?

Original poster
OldNotWise1 · 07/08/2019 13:57

@HollowTalk we don’t live together thankfully

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 07/08/2019 14:05

you don't live together so it's much easier to leave him.

MitziK · 07/08/2019 14:10

According to an cfx, I was absolutely ancient, an old woman whereas he was young. And of course, I was sat down in front of the telly all day and not working (because working using your brain isn't working, apparently).

The age gap? 6 whole weeks.

Age gap between and myself and DP is 4 years. The only issue with that is that he didn't realise waiting until he was 41 before suggesting having a baby was too fucking late.

Bin this twat off. He's showing off to his mates (and probably any younger female in the vicinity).

CaMePlaitPas · 07/08/2019 14:25

You don't deserve to be the butt of his jokes OP. It doesn't sound like he respects you.

Bluntness100 · 07/08/2019 14:40

Who cares if he says it's your fault? If it's over you shouldn't give a shit.tell him yeah yeah it's your fault and to fuck off.

When a man phones you up from thr pub to tell you your an old bastard and a lazy slob and has his friends laugh at you whilst he does it, then it's over. If he does this to you, can you imagine what he was saying before and after the call?

It's horrible. Just horrible, his friends were joining him and laughing at you because he thinks you're an old bastard and a lazy slob, but they must all be embarrassed for you. They will be telling their partners. About what he does to you publicly and how you take it because you're that desperate,

End it. Tell him it's your fault. Who cares, but get some bloody self respect.

Original poster
OldNotWise1 · 07/08/2019 14:51

So I have ended it. He didn’t take it well as expected and had the nerve to say “ I apologise I couldn’t live up to your expectations and that I couldn’t be the person you want me to be” Tosser.

Anyway, it’s done now. This old lazy bastard is off to take DS swimming Grin

Flowers to all who have helped me with this

OP posts:
SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace · 07/08/2019 15:05

I'm so sorry you have been treated this way.

I would bet my life on the problem being that he thought you were to good for him so wanted to take you down a peg or two so you didn't realise and mug him off. What a pathetic child he is.

Lipstickandlashes · 07/08/2019 15:07

Well done, OP. You won't regret it.

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