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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

would you be fuming?

35 replies

helpagirlout123 · 06/08/2019 12:05

my 'DP' has been accusing me of cheating for over a year, none stop accusations, zero proof i have cheated, thinks i go out in the night while him and ds sleep.
Justifies his actions by giving me a running commentary of everyone that lives around us e.g. they look out of their windows when we go out, thinks people sneak around outside our flat.
I deleted my facebook in april because i left him and wanted no contact (i came back after the promise he'd 'change') My mum kept going on about me not having facebook so i told him i'm making another, he said tell her it causes problems so that's why, i said no and made one a few weeks ago.
I have no men only family on facebook, he has people he knows etc. and a girl neighbour who moved out about a year ago.
He puts topless pictures on his facebook (if i had a selfie alone as my profile pic he wouldn't like it) and this old neighbour girl 'liked' it, i've just looked on her facebook and he 'liked' a picture of her pouting in july!
Should i be fuming? if i did that he would go ape shit!!!

OP posts:
Whisky2014 · 06/08/2019 12:08

Em I think you just need to leave the controlling twat.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 06/08/2019 12:09

He's a controlling knob and this is just the latest part of him being a controlling knob.

He won't change, and you should leave.

Does he smoke a lot of weed to give him paranoia? If not, I'd be wondering whether he's feeling guilty because of his own behaviour and is therefore pointing it back at you... that is really common.

Itsallgonewoowoo · 06/08/2019 12:09

What Whiskey said

minmooch · 06/08/2019 12:10

Ask yourself why are you with this controlling arse of a man? You r put up with his accusations for a year?

Why? Just why?

And please don't just say I love him? If that is your answer why would you love a person who treats you in this way?

Time to pull your big girl pants up and get rid of this man for good. He's shown you that despite his promises to change he has not.

minmooch · 06/08/2019 12:10

Ask yourself why are you with this controlling arse of a man? You r put up with his accusations for a year?

Why? Just why?

And please don't just say I love him? If that is your answer why would you love a person who treats you in this way?

Time to pull your big girl pants up and get rid of this man for good. He's shown you that despite his promises to change he has not.

eenymeenyminyme · 06/08/2019 12:18

He sounds horrendous, you shouldn't have to live your life in fear of what he might say - what's keeping you with him?

Pinkbonbon · 06/08/2019 12:19

Fuming? The guy is a total psycho, you should be running.

Seriously get yourself out of there. He will only get worse.

He probably is cheating, most of these paranoid nut jobs are (or would given any opportunity) and they project their shitty nature onto you. But with him...it might be worse, becase it sounds like its about control more than paranoia.

Bet he doesn't like people who are supportive of you either....? Eg: your friends are 'not really your friends' or 'slags'. If not...that's where it's going next. Isolating you from the world.

Its just a whole nasty shit show and you need to get out. If mum isnt supportive if that, dont lean on her.

Call women's aid for advice. They will also confirm how abusive your relationship is.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 06/08/2019 12:23

I'm sorry but he sounds majorly mentally unwell and sounds like he's having hallucinations.

He also sounds like a massively controlling arsehole.

Please talk to your Mum and get as far away from him AS FAST AS POSSIBLE. Why on earth would you put up with being treated like this?

He sounds like a ticking time bomb. I would be very worried for your safety if you stay with him.

NobodysChild · 06/08/2019 12:24

You both need to grow up! You sound like 14 year olds. Getting paranoid over someone liking a picture on facebook, don't give it a second thought. Sounds a bit Jeremy Kyle. You need to sling the control freak out and keep him out!

lialiana · 06/08/2019 12:28

That level of paranoia would really scare me, he could get very dangerous very quickly. Honestly, I think you need to get out of there. If he can address his paranoia in the future, that's a separate conversation, but none of this is ok right now.

LimpidPools · 06/08/2019 12:29

You should just leave. No tit for tat nonsense. I would say you should already be fuming over his being a controlling arsewipe, but actually you should just be somewhere else.

Facebook doesn't cause problems. Idiots cause problems. And you've got yourself a prize one.

Vanillelle · 06/08/2019 12:29

Honestly, liking someone's picture on facebook is absolutely nothing compared to the rest of his abusive, controlling behaviour. You need to leave this shithead.

BumbleBeee69 · 06/08/2019 12:31

Spot sharing your life with this Dick. Flowers

BumbleBeee69 · 06/08/2019 12:31

** Stop even Hmm

MummytoCSJH · 06/08/2019 12:33

Facebook doesn't cause problems, he does.

FuriousVexation · 06/08/2019 12:34

You need to get out of there ASAP.

What you're describing is serious mental illness (I'd guess paranoid schizophrenia but I'm not a medical practitioner)

You are at serious risk of harm. Get out now.

Brakebackcyclebot · 06/08/2019 12:36

My advice? Leave. Today.

cees · 06/08/2019 12:40

Leave him, why would you want to live like that.

MirzyMoo · 06/08/2019 12:41

Tell us why you stay with him?

If i was being accused constantly i might as well do exactly what i am being accused off.

Coffeeandchocolate9 · 06/08/2019 12:42

You came back because he said he'd change, he hasn't, so you need to leave again, permanently this time.

RaininSummer · 06/08/2019 12:48

I cannot believe you are still with this man. He sounds quite deranged.

Original poster
helpagirlout123 · 06/08/2019 13:08

Because i'm a 'pleaser' i feel like i'd be a bad person if i left him in this state of mind, He is suicidal and i'm scared to lose him i don't know why i suppose its just because i've spent so much of my life with him i know no different now. i would never want to be with another man ever, i don't even have a high sex drive.
i suppose because i can't officially 'prove' it i feel like i need to stay with him to show him i'm not cheating.

OP posts:
simplekindoflife · 06/08/2019 13:08

What do you want us to say OP? You must know this isn't normal behaviour??

Yes, he's in the wrong. He clearly has double standards and is a controlling paranoid twat.

A lot of men get paranoid like this when they're cheating themselves.

But I'd say the cheating is the least of your worries with this one!

simplekindoflife · 06/08/2019 13:10

Ah, yes, of course he's suicidal! And he'll kill him self if you dare leave him, I suppose?!

Classic controlling behaviour. Textbook! He's playing you like a fiddle. Get the hell away from this bastard!

lialiana · 06/08/2019 13:11

Always remember you're his partner, not his therapist- if he's suicidal, it's not your place to fix him.
And you owe him nothing. Honestly, who gives a shit what he thinks, let him think it, you know the truth and that's all that matters.

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