would you be fuming?

[helpagirlout123]

my 'DP' has been accusing me of cheating for over a year, none stop accusations, zero proof i have cheated, thinks i go out in the night while him and ds sleep.
Justifies his actions by giving me a running commentary of everyone that lives around us e.g. they look out of their windows when we go out, thinks people sneak around outside our flat.
I deleted my facebook in april because i left him and wanted no contact (i came back after the promise he'd 'change') My mum kept going on about me not having facebook so i told him i'm making another, he said tell her it causes problems so that's why, i said no and made one a few weeks ago.
I have no men only family on facebook, he has people he knows etc. and a girl neighbour who moved out about a year ago.
He puts topless pictures on his facebook (if i had a selfie alone as my profile pic he wouldn't like it) and this old neighbour girl 'liked' it, i've just looked on her facebook and he 'liked' a picture of her pouting in july!
Should i be fuming? if i did that he would go ape shit!!!

You are a people pleaser, right?please seek help from CODA.

but in the meantime please, get away.

There's a phrase or word that's used in therapy, that eludes me right now, but it basically means
That whatever they are accusing you of, is them really telling you what they are doing themselves. Ide did a little deeper op, see what he's up to when your asleep

You're not allowed a Facebook account but he's liking pictures of other girls on Facebook?
He's constantly accused you of cheating for 12 months?

Why do people put up with this shit?

He's not suicidal, he's manipulative.

Was he suicidal when he liked the girls pic of her pouting?

Don't fall for it

I think when we are with abusive partners we tend to get caught in a cycle if trying to prove our 'goodness'. Instead we need to ask ourself - are THEY a good person?

He is a dirorderd, rotten human being. And you - are not a bad person. But because he is so damaged and unable to see his own shortcomings, he will always project those shortcomings onto you. So in his eyes you will never be innocent. He needs see you as the bad guy, because that means he isn't. It also gives him the green light to treat you like shit. He will never change. You cannot fix him. He is not broken, he just not the same as you or I. He is a leach that feeds off your pain, self doubt and need to please him.

He’s cheating and he’s controlling and very abusive.
That’s my opinion
He’s not a great role model for your ds at all. Is this how you want your son to treat women?

I don't know what's wrong with me i really don't, why can't i just leave? it hurts so much and i thought i wouldn't be even bothered that he did that but last night his reply was so what it's not like i'm shagging different men every day like you,
When i asked if he 'fancied' her he just wouldn't reply but bombarded me with accusations all night, then tried to get into my pants when he came to bed, i refused all i could think was how i'm fat and ugly and don't want to have sex when he clearly wants it from someone skinny and pretty,
I'm so fed up, so lonely, i don't know what to do anymore i've lost all my fight i just feel like i'm alive but dead behind the eyes,
I can't even pluck up the courage to ring womens aid.
I even read signs of emotional abuse to him and he knew every one was him to a tee but his reply was i don't tell you what to do and i said no but you even admitted to a&e you manipulate me into not doing things and then nothing else was said but he just starts accusing me again!
I have a doctors appointment tomorrow to discuss him.

Have you read Lundy Bancroft's "Why does he do that"? If not that would be a good idea, but please do NOT let him know about it or quote bits at him!

He sounds like a controlling arse, and I agree the stuff about you "cheating" is quite likely projection to cover his own cheating. Seriously, you don't need him in your life and are likely to feel 100x better when you're rid of him. Please make a plan to get away - but make sure you keep safe, as he sounds like he could get very unpleasant/possibly dangerous if you're no longer doing what he wants.

i have read about half of it i will read some more today and i won't tell him
I think that's why i don't just go i'm too scared of the unknown

Yes the future is uncertain if you leave him but that's the beauty of it, you can make it whatever you want it to be. There are lots of us out here who've left abusers and are much happier and stronger people for it. Please call Women's Aid, all you'll be doing is talking but it might feel good to share this with someone in the real world.