So, the annual visit to the PILs is approaching and depression is setting in. We have known each other for decades but I am finding visits increasingly stressful, both the anticipation and the resentment afterwards.
They are not bad people as such, just difficult. It's hard to put into words what the problem is. There is also a slight language barrier, which doesn't help.
PILs have never asked how I am or ask me any questions whatsoever about myself basically. They also barely acknowledge their grandchildren (although they are happy to see them) and don't really talk to them either. MIL has always talked a great deal, basically a monologue with no input required.
There are set times for meals but we are not expected to be in the house outside of these times. Tea (the drink) is considered for the weak so there is none in the house. They would not consider that other people drink tea. Tea is for the weak.
Likewise, people do not have regular showers or baths in their world so we are never given towels on arrival, only a small hand towel. Washing clothes there is an issue - somehow seen as wasteful or a lack or organisation?
I suppose anything at all that is outside of their "normal" is unacceptable.
They don't accept allergies exist although they suffer from them themselves and have been given clear instructions from various specialists on how to eradicate the problem. So me and the children suffer badly from allergies when we are there. They don't see the relation between sneaking certain foods in meals with the resulting diarrhoea - though this is impossible to ignore! They are somehow blind to it. No question of an apology.
If we go out for a meal, to one of their approved places, PILs know in advance what they want and order immediately on arrival. No time to look at the menu myself. The waiting staff know them and have us in and out very efficiently.
PIL have never really visited us in our own homes, whether in their country, or abroad, not even long enough to stay for coffee, just a brief walk-through when we have moved house. They did travel widely when they were younger though, just never to us.
I feel very stressed there all the time. More and more I just try and hide in a corner with a book. I don't think they see this as a slight or rude, my presence or non-presence is of no significance.
So, do you have any coping strategies? Any thoughts on how to get through this? Every visit could well be the last one but I have just had enough. I feel like my PILs somehow suck all the life out of me. Or like I don't even exist as a person when I am there. Not deliberately or maliciously ignored, just like I'm invisible.
Any thoughts? Thanks for reading this.