That's it, really. In a nutshell, my 14 year old son has decided that he no longer wants to spend any time with his father, or his father's side of his family. I don't know why. But my ex-MIL is very determined that I'm somehow withholding him from them.
Some background, so as not to dripfeed. My ex and I have known one another since the start of senior school - so over 30 years now. We have 14 year DS together, he raised my 23 year old DD from before she can actually remember, until we split, 10 years ago. He cheated. I got a phonecall one morning, after he'd taken DS out for a "father/son day" to tell me that his girlfriend (whom toddler son had tried to tell me about, but when I questioned my ex, he denounced son as a liar) had given birth to their baby that morning, and he and DS were off to the local hospital to visit "his new sister". I kept things amicable, for the sake of the children - and the OW married him 7 months later. DS and DD weren't invited to the wedding. He hasn't spoken to DD since he left, 10 years ago, and the contact/access agreement for DS is (?was) 18 hours a month. Every other Saturday. I have never stopped phone contact (ex and his family simply couldn't be bothered) or DS from seeing any of them (apart from when he had chicken pox and his stepmother was pregnant with second child - and for a while after ex's mother gave him a life-changing head injury, left him severely concussed without treatment for several hours, then brought him home to me, with a gaping, still bleeding wound on his forehead, having smashed just above the bridge of his 6 year old nose with a metal tennis racket as she swung it to knock a ball around on their lawn...). They use my son as an unpaid babysitter for his younger siblings and cousins (from 10 down to 11 months) and from the little he's told me, still aren't great at hearing anything said which doesn't fit into their narrative.
Since he's refused to see them, they've taken to calling on days outside of their agreed contact times - which is fine; it's the summer holidays, and I understand that they miss him. What isn't fine, however, is he refuses point blank to talk to them, I have no clue as to why he's shut down all forms of contact with/access to him... and they're literally telling me that I am "seemingly deliberately preventing" them from seeing/talking to him. I'm not. If he said to me that he wanted to see them? I'd drive him there, myself. His father lives 10 minutes walk away from us, his grandparents 25-ish minutes walk, and his paternal aunt? Four streets away from us. Yesterday, ex's mother was trying to wheedle me into agreeing to my son and "his friends" going round there... and she wasn't hearing me say: "he knows this...!!!".
He's old enough to make his own choices. I support his right to make those choices for himself - and I have explained to him that cutting off one side of his family completely at 14 isn't necessarily the best choice... I've also tried to explain to him that if he communicates about why he doesn't want to see them, then steps can be made to address whatever's happened - but he clams up, shuts down, refuses to engage.
I'm at my wits end with this. 8 'phone calls yesterday were made to me by my ex's mother. My ex? Well, according to his mother he misses our son desperately - but he's not been in touch. My son admitted last night that he's blocked all of their numbers on his mobile 'phone, which undoubtedly hasn't helped... but I don't know what to do. I can't physically force him to see them, and I'd feel a hypocrite if I tried, because I've always told him that he has the right to make decisions about who he wants in his life, himself - especially as he's older. I've actually done my utmost to remove myself from the equation as much as possible, once he seemed capable of organising himself/the time he spent with them. He knows that as long as I know, roughly, where he is and what time he's back - he can see his father and that side of his family as much as he wants.
He simply doesn't seem to want to.
He's not angry with them, I don't think, or been offended/hurt by them. I know he'd tell me if they'd upset me, because he knows I will always be in his corner. He simply won't engage with them... so they're hassling me. And not listening to my trying to tell them that I understand, I don't know what's going on anymore than they do, but the more they try to push him, the more likely he is to make a choice which will hurt him - and them. He'll dig his heels in. I don't want that. But I also don't want them to keep harrassing me to the point where whenever my phone rings, I feel heart-palpitating, stomach sinking dread.
Does anyone have any ideas? On how to get them to respect my son's right to choose, how to listen to him/me when we're saying something they don't want to hear, or simply to grasp the concept that I am not preventing him from seeing/speaking to them... but that right now, he just doesn't want to?