Husband left me 2 weeks ago. Devastated. Anyone in a similar position?

[Pittlepops]

Hello, I thought I would write in this forum. My husband left me 2 weeks ago and initially it must have been the shock as I was ok but now I’m completely devastated, can’t eat. I’ve lost a lot of weight, can’t sleep. I know all the right things to do but just have got no motivation. Is there anyone out there that is going through the same thing :)

Didn’t want to read and run.. hoping my message offers some hope.
14 months ago my husband left me it was completely out of the blue.. even when I think of it now it still makes no sense.. we was also only married a year (I was mortified) we was together 11 years before we got married.. 28,divorced, no children and my future shattered and wanting to send every gift back for feeling shamed my marriage only lasted a year - I know EXACTLY how you feel.. 14 months on I am in such a better place.. the first 6 months were hell, Christmas was horrific but I slowly healed.. focus on you and set yourself little goals to achieve, it’s ok to not be ok, you’re grieving and it’s really shit. I can confidently say now I’m happy, I don’t cry about it anymore, yes I still think about it every day and I’ll always wear the scar but I promise you life does and will go on x

@PicsInRed
@missbee90
Thank you so much for the encouraging words. I just thought it was me that has only been married a year. I haven’t even taken my rings off yet. He has...
When did you take your rings off miss bee?
Feeling slightly better tonight. No chest pain thank god. Have been out for a walk so thats a big improvement. He’s completely blocked on everything so can’t get in touch with me (he was texting me every day after he left) to ask if I was ok??? Patronising really.
Glad you are doing well now and men are really a mystery. I will never date again xx

Know what you mean about thinking about it every day, it's exhausting, but I don't beat myself up about it. I've had days where the fact I still feel so raw and devastated really frightens me because I worry that I should be better by now, but then I realise it's not a race and I just need to grieve for as long as I need to.

I took my rings off the day he left, in all honesty deep down I knew I could never forgive him.. it was all so sudden and so cruel that I knew the moment he said to me “I don’t love you anymore” that it was over so I took them off immediately.
I feel for you, I remember the first few weeks and months and just running on empty and autopilot, I’m glad to hear the pain has gone and that you got some fresh air.
I remember saying I’d never date again.. I’ve actually been dating a rather lovely man for around 5 months.. still early days and I have a heart coated in steel but I never thought did go near anyone again.
The best thing I did was sorting everything out quickly... he didn’t want to get divorced incase “he changed his mind”.. so I filed and paid for it because I just couldn’t have it hanging over me.. also bought him out the property and did it all pretty quickly.. ever situation is different and I’m not telling you to do what I did at all but that helped me because like I said I just knew I couldn’t ever forgive him.. it was bizarre, one day I was his world and the next he wasn’t in love with me and that was that. I’ve never really got any closure or answers, he met someone else pretty quickly and now lives with her, it still hurts but the scar is healing.
Remember to speak to friends and family, nobody understands the pain unless they’ve been through it but it doesn’t mean people can’t offer help or support .. at 28 I was the first in the “group” to get divorced but my friends and family were a huge support.
You sound like you’ve got your head switched on and my biggest advice would be to sort out your finances etc and protect yourself as much as you can.. sadly people change and become capable of anything. Always here if you need a chat, I remember the rawness so so well and wish I could fast forward a year or 2 for you x

Yes that’s exactly what I’m going through. All over me and then the next moving out. Haven’t had closure really and I still don’t know about my rings. Haven’t the strength to take them off but I need to at some point.
I wish I could fast forward this but it all takes time. Yesterday was the hardest day for me.
I’m so glad you have found some happiness, that gives me so much hope in this situation. We haven’t got a house together because we rent fortunately and everything is mine in the house but don’t know what he would be entitled too. He has nothing to his name. No money nothing.
No kids involved thankfully.
Never imagined being married for a year and now I’m single and probably going to go through a divorce. My friends and family are amazing but this forum has really helped me just talking to people going through the same situation.
Was the divorce quick? Xx

Not sure where you’re based so may be different but no my divorce took 10 months.. they had a backlog apparently and it was also a little more complex as I got a financial consent order out to protect myself and the house I bought him out of but my stepsisters took 6 months.. avoid bury st Edmunds.
It’s like there is a script these “men” follow.. so hot and cold and then trying to be a “good person” by checking in, no contact is hard but it does help. X

I live up north.
I was just looking at your last post about your ex husband didn’t want a divorce in case he changed his mind...wow
Not even thought about divorce yet. Haven’t spoke to him about it. Haven’t a clue where to start. I just need to feel stronger in myself. Thanks so much for talking to me and hopefully you will stick around xx

When the shock wears off the pain hits and you need to treat it similar to a physical injury. Good food, sleep, relaxation and some light exercise.

Use mindfulness apps if you struggle with sleep. It really does get better. From a distance, which will happen with time, you will understand more, perhaps see the red flags and slowly you will realise you are better off without him. He was not the man you thought he was,he is probadly very weak emotionally and runs from issues rather than deal with them.

You can apply for a divorce if married over a year, cite his behaviour. It would be best to have a consent order to draw a line under finances so he cannot come back,does mean you will need a solicitor.

I think taking off your rings and getting divorced does help..it is painful but it forces reality and that makes you start living your new life.

Try to write down 5 things you are grateful for and journal your thoughts as it definitely helps with positivity.

Yes I completely agree with all that you have said. Mindfulness is great something I do practice on and off. And do keep a journal which I will get back in to at some point. Just finding walking is helping at the minute.
In terms of divorce what does consent order mean?
Yes he was weak emotionally and never ever took responsibility for his actions which I’ve known for a while but I always thought we could work through things. Madness how everything is ok and then bam split up and that’s that. He’s been so cold with me too whereas a few weeks ago he was madly in love with me. We have a holiday booked to Florida in October. Need to change the name on the ticket. Wonder if he regrets it x

A consent order is a document which sets out the terms of your financial settlement. The idea is that you agree it (either through mediation, solicitors or both) and then a judge seals it. If you can't agree that's when a judge has to actually decide it for you. Given your short marriage, no kids and no property I doubt he'd get anything but you must seek advice on this. Do be proactive and take the initiative. If he has access to your money, take it out of those accounts now and get next month's salary paid into a different one. Bring active and moving forward will help you feel better and less out of control.. Ex left for ow a few years ago and what was hardest to deal with was the fact that I'd had no say in my marriage ending. If you can gather yourself to start calling the shots on the legal stuff it will help.

Thanks for that. We didn’t have joint accounts either. I’ll start the proceedings when I feel abit stronger I think, don’t think I can face it just yet.
I’m sorry to hear what your ex did to you. That must of been horrific. I don’t think there was another woman involved in my situation (I bloody well hope not) never gave me any suspicion to think that. However he was always a paranoia sort of guy.
Feeling ok today which is good. Still not eating that well but I’m sure that we come back sooner or later. Going to go back to work on Monday x