Husband left me 2 weeks ago. Devastated. Anyone in a similar position?

Pittlepops · 2019-08-05T23:10:55+00:00

Hello, I thought I would write in this forum. My husband left me 2 weeks ago and initially it must have been the shock as I was ok but now I’m completely devastated, can’t eat. I’ve lost a lot of weight, can’t sleep. I know all the right things to do but just have got no motivation. Is there anyone out there that is going through the same thing :)

which1 · 06/08/2019 00:17

Not husband, and not two weeks but I know the hurt you're feeling. Also couldn't eat, and couldn't sleep for a good few weeks. Feel as bad about it now as did then. I have not found time to be a healer. Did you see it coming at all?

Eddie1940 · 06/08/2019 00:23

I m 18 months in to husband having left me following an affair. I m not sure if it’s what you want to hear but still feel devastated . Sending love

Original poster

Pittlepops · 06/08/2019 00:26

We have been arguing for a while about different things mainly money as I was paying for a lot of things. Booked a big holiday to Florida (took a loan out) he’s not coming now...
We then had an argument and he just said I’m leaving. He’s moved out but continues to text me everyday.
I blocked him which was for the best for my own well-being. He came to pick up the rest of his stuff yesterday and it was sooo hard.
I seriously don’t know how to get over this.
How long did yours happen? I’m sorry you still feel the way you do x

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Original poster

Pittlepops · 06/08/2019 00:26

Eddie,
So sorry to hear that. I don’t feel that there was another woman involved. I sure hope not.
Sending lots of love to you. Do you feel any better? X

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floppybit · 06/08/2019 00:31

Mine left nearly 18 months ago, I still think about it every day. Cried nearly every day since he left. Sorry, like pp said, it's probably not what you want to hear. Have wondered if there's something wrong with me as I'm taking so long to get over it. Do you have children together? What reason does he give for leaving?

floppybit · 06/08/2019 00:31

Mine left nearly 18 months ago, I still think about it every day. Cried nearly every day since he left. Sorry, like pp said, it's probably not what you want to hear. Have wondered if there's something wrong with me as I'm taking so long to get over it. Do you have children together? What reason does he give for leaving?

floppybit · 06/08/2019 00:31

Mine left nearly 18 months ago, I still think about it every day. Cried nearly every day since he left. Sorry, like pp said, it's probably not what you want to hear. Have wondered if there's something wrong with me as I'm taking so long to get over it. Do you have children together? What reason does he give for leaving?

Ledkr · 06/08/2019 00:48

I thought I'd post with some hope. My h of 10 years (been together 18) left me with 4 kids and cancer.
I was totally devastated and lost two stones. I had severe anxiety and couldn't sleep for weeks.
My youngest was 8 months.
However. After a few months I slowly started to eat again. Joined the gym and started to go out with friends at the Weekend and have some fun
I went on holiday with my kids and worked hard to get a promotion at work.
After about 6 months I started dating a guy at work and we had a lovely time for two years and then I was alone again for another two but very happy and had lots of fun.
I have now been remarried for 10 years and we have a little girl of our own.
All the kids are doing well.

What I believe is that you can help yourself in some small ways to feel better and move on.
Have your period of grief for as long as you need but then do your best to pick yourself up and make a good life for yourself as you only get one chance.

You will be fine eventually. This is a temporary set back I promise.

Original poster

Pittlepops · 06/08/2019 00:57

I can see that some others have posted but unable to see the full posts?

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Original poster

Pittlepops · 06/08/2019 01:01

Floppybit and ledkr thank you for replying. I couldn’t see your posts until now.
He’s been abit vague why he’s gone. He’s turning it all on to me which is confusing it itself.
Flobbybit- we don’t have children together. I have an 18 year old from a previous relationship and he has an 11 year old.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with you at all. People grieve in different ways. Like ledkr got a happy ending. I really hope this is my future. I feel so alone despite having an amazing family and friends. It’s awful x

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dancemusicsexromance · 06/08/2019 05:08

Mine left recently (was asked to leave) after admitting an affair.
I feel dreadful every day. I'm holding on to the fact that is is impossible to feel this devastated for the rest of my life.
Don't know how I'm putting one foot in front of the other to be honest.
Take care

dancemusicsexromance · 06/08/2019 05:08

Mine left recently (was asked to leave) after admitting an affair.
I feel dreadful every day. I'm holding on to the fact that is is impossible to feel this devastated for the rest of my life.
Don't know how I'm putting one foot in front of the other to be honest.
Take care

Bagpuss1971 · 06/08/2019 05:39

Time heals. Try and keep busy and full your time. You will think about it leas and less if you keep busy

PicsInRed · 06/08/2019 07:50

Have you been to the doctor? They can prescribe sedstices, short term, to help you sleep, then low dose anti depressants longer term to help with both eating and sleeping. It could be a big help in getting you back on your feet.

See a good solicitor and figure out your entitlements - that also helps as it permits you to begin to imagine a new life.

By forcing myself back out into world, keeping busy and taking what the doctor offered, I managed to feel somewhat normal (not happy, though that does come back gradually over time) in 3 months.

Eddie1940 · 06/08/2019 07:53

I did nt think there was another woman involved either - only found out 3 months after he left when mutual friends told me . He created lots of arguments beforehand so it looked like that was the reason . I m struggling with the betrayal and the fact I will need to give him a financial settlement.

Original poster

Pittlepops · 06/08/2019 08:28

Thanks for people’s replys, I’ve phoned in sick today at work because I just can’t cope and I’ve made an appointment with a doctor today to hopefully get prescribed something.
I know that things will get better and I won’t stay like this (hopefully)
It did cross my mind there was another woman but I’m really hoping there isn’t because I don’t think he’s like that but I did read on a forum that men don’t just up and leave without someone else to run too which made my heart break even more.
With a divorce he hasn’t got anything to his name, no money nothing. I have got a pension and all that, we rent a property and everything in the house is mine. I’m not sure what he would be entitled too. I don’t know what to do about my last name or taking my rings off. He took his ring off straight away. And the coldness from him is something I didn’t expect.
This must be happening to women all over the world and I know I’m not on my own but god it feels like it x sending love to everyone x

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Mylifestartstoday · 06/08/2019 08:28

Mine left 5 weeks ago, I’ve a thread on here about it. He was having and affair and I’m devastated. I think the Adrenalin got me through the first week but now I’m struggling to eat and concentrate.

Original poster

Pittlepops · 06/08/2019 08:29

What makes it worse is that we have only been married a year :(

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Manno75 · 06/08/2019 08:36

Pittlepops- time will heal. It usually does. It’s just a case of how long. For some it’s a while, for others not so much. Keep busy and go out with friends.

On another point, you haven’t left yourself financially vulnerable by being married have you? Ie you had more than him financially when you married?

ReinetteP · 06/08/2019 08:48

Not married but we were together a long time, he decided he'd had enough 2 months ago and ended it. He was with someone else days later. I assumed it was just a fling as he kept contacting me to say how much he missed me, how sad he was. But no theyre in a relationship. He hasnt told me any of this and I'll bet hes told her nothing about contacting me.

I'm so angry with him. We had the next 20 years planned and he threw away all our joint hopes and plans. I have always been by his side and supported him. Hes gone off basically with the first woman who came along who is frankly a big step down and not the type of person he would ever have any time for. And he's clearly not committed to her because he wouldn't be testing the waters with me if he was.

Its shit. I'm sorry you are going through it too. Please speak to family and friends if you can. I've found other people surprisingly supportive.

TheStuffedPenguin · 06/08/2019 08:49

What you are feeling is entirely normal - in addition the not sleeping , the pain in your body , the churning stomach , the inability to sleep . It does get better but I won't lie - it takes a long time . You have had the carpet pulled out from under you . You don't say how long you have been together BUT as it is a short marriage I don't think you need to worry about your pension . When you are ready you could consult a solicitor or several for their 30 mins free advice ( you don't need to go on and use them) . You can resolve the legal ties relatively quickly but it is natural to ask - why ? why me ? what did I do wrong ? am I a bitch ? etc . There are no answers to all of this and time will tell if there is an OW . TBH it sounds like you are much better off without this guy . For now you just have to go through the process . I ate, slept a lot and watched shit on Netflix . Down the line I am now married to a wonderful guy . My life is so much better .

Original poster

Pittlepops · 06/08/2019 09:55

No I haven’t left myself vulnerable. I took a loan out to pay for a family holiday in October to Florida and now obviously he’s not coming. He was supposed to pay half the loan back as he’s taken 3 grand of it already to buy a car. Had no money back for it apart from a few hundred quid which makes me angry and now I’ve found out he’s booking a holiday with his family in October.
We were together 3 years but have known him my whole life. We are both 37.
I’m been through breakups before and know how hard they are but I think it’s the planning and dreams that come with getting married and all that. Suppose that’s what I’m grieving I just don’t know. I feel I’m talking to my friends constantly and I don’t want to burden them with my problems so that’s why i thought I’d come on here to hear other people’s situations and how they cope. And I think it’s helping typing these comments. Can’t get rid of the pain in my chest. Arghhh

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floppybit · 07/08/2019 19:27

Were you lifelong friends? Has he done this in his previous relationships? How are you feeling today? I just wanted to check in with you and see how you're getting on @Pittlepops

Original poster

Pittlepops · 07/08/2019 21:33

Hi thanks for messaging. Yesterday and the day before were absolute killers. I thought I was literally dying...I phoned in sick at work and doctor prescribed me diazepam.
Today I feel ok, went out which did me good and saw my friend. Making plans to do something on Saturday which is good. Going out for walk now to clear my head.
How’s you? X

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PicsInRed · 07/08/2019 21:45

What makes it worse is that we have only been married a year

We were together 3 years

Short marriage, even including prior length of relationship. No kids. This is good, finances wise. He may not realise that yet...get yourself to a good solicitor. Revenge best served cold - in your case, by keeping all your pension and assets.

Glad to see you have the support of your doctor and that you're doing at least a little bit better today. Until it happens to people they just dont understand what a truly physical pain and injury this causes. Keep busy, keep moving.