Is it possible to be in a happy marriage

[fandabbyfannyflutters]

Yet shagging someone else for 'nsa' sex

What do you think?

I have my own thoughts but I'm interested in others at the moment

Yes, for some. Don’t hold others to your standards of what’s normal, healthy or happy.

Yes, I imagine it's perfectly possible. Some friends of mine have a long, good marriage where they both agreed to some negotiated sexual freedoms outside the marriage after their children had grown up and left. I'm not privy to the details, but it seems to work well.

I expect it could be possible for some. Personally, no way would this kind of marriage make me happy.

What do you think OP?

I don't think you can be but I've been told I'm not correct

It may be OK for some, but I don't see how it can happen without one of parties suffering. It's certainly not for me.

Well, if it's not a situation you want to be in, then don't be in it? Other people are irrelevant.

I can absolutely see it's not for everyone. I think it appears to work for my friends in part because they're good communicators, and naturally self-analytical, and I know the beginning of the arrangement was thrashed out in sessions with a couples therapist. It's not that one of them lurched into an affair and the other went along with it in a defeated way.

Sorry must say the other person is in the dark about it totally

Possible for some and not for others. Obviously the two people in the marriage need to agree.

Judging the number of devastated people who come onto mn after finding out a partner has been having sexual relations with others I’d say no.
I’m old school and believe in monogamy.
Totally disagree with prostitution etc

I think it is for some people if it's by mutual agreement, but even then (from people I know who've done it), it is a tricky undertaking and can easily go wrong.

No, but equally I have very strong opinions on marriage and monogamy. So whilst I don't think it's ok and it wouldn't be the kind of marriage I want, my kind of marriage is not the only kind that exists, so I suppose each to their own.

Not what I’d consider a happy marriage, no.

Why bother staying married if you want to fuck someone else?

I work for a hook-up site where married men, almost exclusively, go to find someone for NSA sex.

They all slag off their wives sat at home without exception and are constantly finding ways to deceive. That is not a happy marriage for either side.

If both people dont know it's not a happy marriage, is it. Because one person isnt fully aware of the situation. It's a fake marriage. The one that doesnt know will feel their life has been a lie, if/when they found out.

Yes, it is as long as you have good communication and stick to your agreed boundaries.
If you aren't both happy for an open marriage then it isn't going to be a good marriage as built on lying and deceit.

I can’t even imagine something like that working and it definitely would be the end of my marriage.

If you have shit sex life at home, it isn’t a great marriage.

There will be some for whom it's OK and others for whom it won't

There's no other answer surely, I'm not sure what answer you're looking for

For a very small minority open marriages can work for a period of time.

I think its whatever works for the couple and where their boundaries and comfortability lies.

Reading your update, do you mean one person of the marriage is unaware that the other is having sex elsewhere?

Not everyone puts the same moral or emotional value on sex. So yes, I believe it is possible.

But your follow up says one person doesn't know. Which makes it an affair. Which isn't the same thing.

@Croquembou sums it up, perfectly.

Of course open marriages can work.

But if only one knows about it, its not an open marriage.

@JoJoSM2

So if your partner became physically unable to have sex with you, you'd say it wasn't great and it was a shit sex life?