Is it possible to be in a happy marriage

[fandabbyfannyflutters]

Yet shagging someone else for 'nsa' sex

It’s not a happy marriage then even if the shagger is happy. It’s a lie.

If everyone involved knows the score and is happy with it, then yes. I know several long-term, happy couples in open marriages. But in the situation you describe, one of the parties is behaving in a dishonest and disrespectful manner, which doesn't suggest a good relationship at all.

And then there is the third person involved...are they fully aware that they are only the sex object?

@FuriousVexation Yes, no sex life is shit even whether it’s down to unfortunate circumstances or not.

I’m sure the marriage you describe would be happy, in the same way it’s perfectly possible for a concentration camp assistant to be happy, if he’s told and believes the inmates are all being sent off on a wonderful holiday as opposed to a gas chamber.

Apologies for the extreme analogy, but you - hopefully - see my point.

OP your question isn't clear - are you asking whether open marriages can be happy or whether a marriage when one person is having an affair can be happy?

For the first, yes. Open marriages can be happy.

For the second, not deep down or sustainably happy, no....but I suppose an affair might temporarily help one side of the marriage bury or conceal problems,.... leading most likely to bigger problems in the long run....

I met a guy who turned out to be married. I asked him what the hell he was playing at pursuing me when he was married and asked him what in God's name is wrong with his own marriage (worlds best father and loving husband to the outside world I've since heard) yet he insisted he is perfectly happy in his marriage just fancied a no strings affair

Whether he’s happy or not is completely irrelevant, surely? He deceived you initially (I assume) and he is presumably acting without his wife’s knowledge and approval. His ‘happiness’ is not your problem. Don’t see him again. Stop communicating with him.

I haven't and never will
But I just can't see how anyone willing to shag someone else and risk it all can truly be happy in a marriage it's beyond me

It's possible he genuinely believes he is in a happy marriage but only because he lacks the principles and self-awareness to consider otherwise.

I mean, he doesn't sound like a person who really thinks about other peoples feelings, does he?