Best thing I’ll ever do or biggest mistake of my life?

[Slamdunkdafunkay]

...chronic indecision...

Should I stay or should I go?

Long relationship, short marriage, no kids, 40 years of age, no sex, not that great a relationship but not that good. Could be much worse. Thinking about it day & night. Religious family wouldn’t approve!

Any Mumsnet wisdom in exchange for a virtual cocktail? 🍹

I found dating at 45 and 47 pretty good fun, but that was because I was not looking to have any more children, or to move in with or marry anyone, and could basically just look for someone to have fun with. I now have a live-out bf, we meet up two or three times a week, go on holiday together and just have fun. What are you looking for? Would you be Ok with embracing life without children and enjoy the advantages that has? Would you enjoy being a stepmum? Would you like to try for a baby still?

Are you sure he's the faultline in your life?
There's so much I'm not sure of, that's the problem. However, I do know that there's a lot about our relationship that I really wish were different. We don't have the same humour at all and humour is a big thing for me. Also, our way of dealing with crises/issues is so different. I like to sit down and talk. DH tends to shout or leave the room. This has been an ongoing issue since the beginning and I suppose I've a lot of anger inside over this! I hear what you're saying though. I've done my best to inject as much in to my life as possible but I'd also like a much better relationship...just not sure I have the cahonays to leave when I know what's at stake!

What are you looking for?
Love, fun and happiness.
Would you be Ok with embracing life without children and enjoy the advantages that has?
If I found true love, I would find a way to reconcile with this.
Would you enjoy being a stepmum?
Not too sure about this, if I'm honest but never say never.
Would you like to try for a baby still?
As unrealistic as it sounds at my age, yup I would but it doesn't seem to be happening with DH. I don't know what I'm waiting for to change with him!

Why did you marry him?

Friend of mine had a baby at 45, naturally. My grandad's mum was 47 when he was born. Late births are not impossible, just less likely and more risky.
From the sound of it, your best bet would be to make a very hasty exit and spend a couple of years doing some very serious dating, looking for a potential dad, but aware that it might not work. And then, if no dad is forthcoming, lean back and enjoy the ride.
From what you say, you definitely want out...

Thanks @ravenmum. I love children & assumed as a result I’d have them. I had great hope when I got married but things went downhill fast ...

I appreciate the advice & I agree that that’s pretty much what I need to do. I’m lucky I’m such good friends with my DH but in a weird way, it’d be easier if I hated him! We are basically great friends but terrible mates!

Well, hopefully you can stay friends ... and you might be doing him a favour: he might go on to meet someone he gets on with better.
My exh dumped me in a much less friendly way than you seem to be planning, but tbh, after a few years, in many ways I could now thank him. (I won't, as he is now semi-single again and I think he'd see it as me gloating!)

We've talked a lot about the situation but yet, we continue to remain static!

That's good things worked out well for you. It just shows: you never know what's ahead. :-)

Someone needs to actually take a step.
The logistics can be complicated, but you don't have to do it all at once; just one thing after the other. What would have to come first?

Well, I live far from family and all my friends where I live have packed houses with kids ... so, I need to find my own place! I’m looking at buying as rent is too high alone but that’ll take time. I’ve been looking at what I can afford to buy while meanwhile living with DH. DH knows all of this. No secrecy but we’ve sort of fallen back in to being a couple as it’s taking so long to find a place! Sad situ!

Thanks for all of your input so far.

I cannot understand how a person can be as undecided as I have been. Thinking about it, I realise it’s safe with DH. That’s what has me here. It’s very very safe. I got badly screwed over the last time I was single by a few guys! It was one disaster after another (low self-esteem so I put up with currrr-ap!). Anyhow, that’s the real draw, I think. Not sure I’ve ‘fixed’ the self-esteem either. Counselling isn’t the panacea people think it is!

Peace out!