It seems small, but I think it's the last straw.

[AldiAisleOfTat]

I do 90% of the household chores including the washing. I work 30 hours a week, husband 37. Husband has been doing loads of washing this weekend as I've been on nights, I've only just realised that he's been taking my washing out and only doing his own and DSs. Im just a tearful mess that he can't do anything for me, I'm 20 weeks into a high risk pregnancy and really worried that this is the future.

Did you ask him why?

What an absolute twat! So angry for you OP

Why has he taken yours out?

What on Earth would he do that for!? What does he say when you ask him why?

Oh, that’s just mean.

There must surely be a reason for him doing that unless he’s insane? What a strange thing to do

You need to ask him why. If DP did something like that it would be because he wasn't sure if my stuff could go in the same wash and didn't want to damage anything. He would tell me that was what he had done though.

Have you talked to him about it? My DH did that recently after I asked him to do more and he said that after ruining a couple of my clothes years ago he didn’t want to make the same mistake (I did ask him why he couldn’t just read the bloody labels). Anyway it was possible to sort it out and primarily for me it wasn’t just him being selfish.
I’m pregnant with my second and increasingly giving DH jobs that are his (like washing) as he doesn’t notice things that need doing and needs things he’s responsible for.
I realise that people with really good DPs will see this approach as ridiculous but I’ve found I just have to work with how DH is rather than rally against the situation

That’s really odd. Did you ask him why? And can you not work out a better division of chores?

He 'needed his T shirts apparently'.
This took about 6 loads of washing. I then left as DS was getting upset that I was in tears

I'm 20 weeks into a high risk pregnancy and really worried that this is the future.

Well it’s an escalation of past bullshit, so yeah probably.

Talk me through your rationale of doing 90% of domestic chores? Your H’s default setting is selfish twat which means, anything you do has to be based on that natural instinct of his. He will not prioritise you In the absence of you not prioritising you.

I would ask him why. Depending upon his answer, I would probably stop doing his washing too. It might be that he doesn't want to ruin something of yours.

If my partner just did his washing and left mine unwashed, it would be the last washing of his that I ever did. Mine is away during the working week and his clothes get put into the machine when he gets home straight from the suitcase, and he makes sure that any of mine are also used to fill the machine when he does his wash. Equally when he goes I do a wash of both of our stuff after the weekend.

It's just mean and spiteful and possibly for you the tip of the iceberg?

How on earth did he make washing his T shirts into 6 loads? And what prevented him putting your stuff in with them?

Do your washing and DS’s from now on.

Atrocious I will
Going to have to head back soon as DS will be getting upset. Husband will bas usual be angry with me for being upset and will find some way of making it my fault

Just don't go back. Leave him. There is no love for you in his behaviour.

Really really selfish. Try and look after yourself and keep calm but I feel it's too far. Night duty is really hard especially as you are pregnant but it's just so cold and thoughtless of him.

Talk to him xxx

The future is what you decide it to be OP. It hasn't already been decided by virtue of prior decisions; a relationship (ideally) is a choice to enjoy life with someone who fulfils you and meets your needs, who you feel respected by, not a prison sentence because you decided to commit previously so are seeing it through.

He doesn't sound nice, you are giving your life to play maid to someone that isn't even nice to you and doesn't appreciate the effort you make, and is not interested in the protection of your feelings or happiness. Never mind the future, it's the present.

What would he say if you spoke to him about this? I would he listen and alter his behaviour to demonstrate care for you? If not what is the point of him as a life partner.

I don't do laundry for adult men (unless as a favour) and DP has never asked. He probably does more than me to compensate for a health problem I have, where he is more able. He knows i am his partner not free opportunity to use women for a sexist purpose to his advantage. Being the stay at home parent doesn't make his attitude any less sexist or abusive OP. I would just worry where is his love and care for you as a person in all this.

My first husband used to go to the off licence and takeaway and just get himself drinks/food!! I am afraid tgerecwasnt much ‘we’ , just a lot of ‘I’

Why on earth would he be angry with you?!

OP that is really mean and I’d be really distressed too

Your reaction is completely normal and justified. Don’t listen to him say anything else.

Please think about calling women’s aid to get support. You deserve better

My exH used to make himself a cup of tea and would never offer to make me one at the same time. I could have learned a lot about his attitude to me if I had paid attention to that!

YANBU OP

So it's all my fault for over reacting apparently. He 'was going to do yours, but had to do his first'
He's stormed out.