Female beggar?

[pockledigg]

I was walking through town yesterday with bf, saw a young, pretty female beggar. BF gave change, squatted down, had a chat, asked her name, introduced himself, asked if she had somewhere to stay, asked where it was etc etc. Normally (ie with male beggars) he or I just give change and just walk on - rightly or wrongly. Am I right to feel upset that he behaved differently with a female beggar?

Weird. He asked her where she stays?
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How long have you known this boyfriend of yours?

You're jealous? Is that what you mean by upset? Really?

Do you have any idea how much more dangerous it is to be female and sleeping on the streets?!!

Maybe he just felt more drawn by the predicament of a female young beggar as she’s more vulnerable?

Do you have any idea how much more dangerous it is to be female and sleeping on the streets?!!

Exactly.

Men and women are not the same, however much some people try to tell us that they should be treated the same. We have different experiences based on our bodies.

Is he predatory normally, OP?

I'm more upset by seeing homeless people who appear 'additionally' vulnerable, so either elderly, or obviously disabled, or female.

Being jealous that your partner showed a few moments kindness to somebody in such dire straits is pretty low OP.

No, not normally predatory, but seems to seek out attention and validation from every female he meets, it's like my input isn't enough. I don't want to sound like a bitch, I've been homeless three times myself and worked for a homelessness charity. It upset me, maybe I was wrong to be upset.

He doesn't sound like a good boyfriend. Don't try to be the "cool girlfriend" when it means tolerating him "seeking validation" from women all the time.

Seeking out attention from other women, not on.

Showing concern for a homeless woman, absolutely a good thing to do, and the fact that you think otherwise would make me question your judgement full stop.

Sounds like a screwed up relationship on both sides. The homeless woman is not a part of that.

If he's otherwise a good/caring/ trustworthy partner, my assumption would be that his concern for the woman was because women are often more vulnerable than men when homeless and on the streets (in almost all cases). It would make me think more highly of him, myself.

I think "showing concern" for a pretty young beggar is creepy as fuck if he would usually walk past beggars and has a wandering eye.

Erm you bf sounds like a really nice bloke @pockledigg - he asked her this because you even said yourself, she was “pretty” and is more likely to be preyed upon!
You’re damned if you do and all that.
He’s a keeper!

Probably because it's easier for young females to be exploited? That's what I'd think seeing a young woman on the street and there's plenty of scum around who'd try and take advantage of their need for money. But if there's other concerns you have it could be seen as creepy I suppose.

You can't go through life being threatened by anybody and everybody that your bf encounters. You'll drive yourself crazy and drive him away.

I've been homeless three times myself and worked for a homelessness charity

Perhaps your experience allows you to see something in your boyfriend's attention to this one beggar that others can't.

Don't ignore your instinct. It's there for a reason.

Rightly or wrongly I feel more drawn to help a female beggar as I feel they are likely to be vulnerable and being or has been abused.

You don't know that she is in fact homeless. There recently have started to be a lot of beggers around my way and the counsel have put flyers through doors telling the locals 'these people are not homeless, please stop giving them money.'

I think it's odd that your bf tried to get so 'personal' with the woman. Asked her name, introduced himself, asked where she was staying, etc. Have you asked him why he took such an interest in this woman?

Long reply short
She is no beggar.
But a clever bugger.
And typical man,pretty girl who needs MY help.
God save us from nitwhits.

Is he predatory normally, OP?

Blimey, that's a bit of a leap. Most of the men I've known in my life would have done the same, as they'd have seen her as vulnerable. They do the same for injured animals, is that predatory? Young girls homeless on the streets are very vulnerable, and maybe he felt safe to talk to her, find out if she had a place to stay, because he wasn't a man on his own?

I told him via Messenger that his attention upset me, as it was out of character and predicatably, he's blown up over the whole thing. This young lady was clean as a whistle, chilling in the sun reading a book. The only thing that made her look 'homeless' was that she was sat next to a folded sleeping bag with some change on it - but then again, that could just be her demeanor. Again, I don't want to sound like a bitch but I've worked with 'street homeless' folk and they don't look like that or behave in a such a relaxed manner, generally. When I was homeless, I spent my days down the benefit office and looking for work. I'm sounding like a bitch again, but that's the truth.

From this one incident I would say he was just showing a reasonable level of concern, but it sounds like the problem is that he's made you insecure with a pattern of behaviour of seeking validation from other women.

I don't think you should use the word 'beggar', which is very stigmatising.

I initially asked if he was normally predatory to try to see where OP was coming from on this - if she'd come back outraged and "no, how dare you, he's a lovely guy", then there'd be an end of it. But no, she came back with not predatory but constantly seeks out attention and validation from women. Which makes me cynical about his intentions.

I don't see this as being anything other than kind.
What must she be going through on the streets. I can't imagine.
Chatting to some woman looking for a man in a bar...I get that, but showing kindness to a very vulnerable woman in an open setting with you there wouldn't normally be the cause of those feelings.
If this is triggering any sort of real jealousy or upset then there's something way off in the relationship. It could be something he's done before, how he's acted with other females.
If there ever is a situation where trust is questioned you would be really consumed by it & that's no good. You don't want to be looking over your shoulder.

My DH works in a homeless shelter. Young female homeless people are about the most vulnerable people out there - they are vulnerable to becoming involved in prostitution, drugs or crime, vulnerable to sexual abuse and becoming the victims of crime themselves. Honestly, I'm not surprised that somebody would show genuine concern for the welfare of a young female person who is actively begging above that of a man in the same position.

Were you jealous OP? Because that's weird.

A lot of homeless people don't look homeless either, whatever that means.