Anyone single in 30s never meet someone and end up alone?

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It’s looking more and more likely that this is how it’s going for me. Encouraged by all the positive stories of people meeting later and starting families. But what about those who haven’t? It’s a distinct possibility right?

I'm 36 and devastated at loss of recent relationship. Have tried online dating since but not working at all. Am terrified that this is how its going to be for the next 50 years. So if you're feeling at all like me, you're not alone.

Yes, of course it is. Lots of people don't marry and/or have kids.

I'm 45. Been single 9 years, haven't had a date in 8 years, online dating just hideous.

Friend of mine 42 has been single almost 13 years bar three seeing someone for a very short time (under 3 months, all were arseholes).

I'm average looking and don't want kids or to be step parent which makes my pool tiny. My friend however was ambivalent, happy to have kids or not, so very wide field of options and also very attractive.

I'm pretty much certain this is it for me, but I shall pull the plug if still alone at 50. I'm not going to do rest of life solo, almost no family. 15 years single will be my limit. And that's cool by me.

I know it’s not exactly what you’ve asked for but DH was in his early 30’s when he met me. He was a quiet and reserved academic who had put all his time and effort into his career. He’d never had a relationship (beyond seeing someone once a week for a couple of months).

I honestly think he/his family has resided themselves to him being a long term single. He just didn’t seem to ‘get’ relationships or find anyone he could make one work with.

We met 18 months ago and now we are married and pregnant 🙈❤️

There’s absoloutley nothing wrong with being long term single if that’s what you want, but if you’re still open to meeting someone I would not write it off!

30’s is still pretty young in the grand scheme of things x

I'm 47, and have been single most of my life. There are lots of good things about it. I get to do most of the things I want, go on holiday where I want. It'd be nice to have more sex, but I did stop a potential FWB because I realised no sex is better than not very good sex.

You bet, OP.

So my advice is to think about the future and what you really want to do.

Vaguely and vainly hoping for "a man" to come into the picture is no way to live your life.

Eve if you did meet someone, don't assume the happy ending of chick lit movies, etc. Life just isn't like that for most people.

If you meet someone you like, all well and good. But IMHO trying to "force" a situation can create more problems that it solves.

Be free in spirit and true to yourself, and que sera sera.

OP sometimes in life we only get what we focus on... so if you are focusing on not meeting someone and not having a family, worrying about that possibility then more than likely this is what you are going to attract. Truth is you just never know what’s around the corner!

Yes this does happen. My mums been single for years and has never been married.
I’m 30 and a
Lone parent, its looking
Likely this will happen to me. I doubt I will ever meet anyone now.

35 and tentatively in the beginnings of a new relationship here. Been single for 8 years and longest relationship was a year at age 21.

Shatners, please God don’t end your life because you’re single!! I know loads of singletons in their 40s.

jeez, there are lots of boring, crappy (even nasty) couples. don't feel less cos you haven't gone down that route fgs.

I am 55. Been single for years and bloody love it.
I love the freedom of choice to do whatever the hell I want and just live my life.
I don't think I will ever want to be in a relationship ever again.

I had children young so wasn’t looking for someone to have kids with. But I spent most of their childhood as a lone parent thinking that once they were adults I could date again and focus on meeting someone. I did meet and marry someone at 39 except it turned out he was an abusive asshole! I fully admit I ignored numerous red flags because I wanted to make it work and was scared I wouldn’t meet anyone else. I’m ashamed to admit that I wasn’t even the one to leave him, he left me because he’d broken me and it just wasn’t “fun” for him anymore. I was 45 by then. I’m now weeks away from being 50 and haven’t met anyone since. I couldn’t go through any more heartbreak and it’s just all too hard nowadays. OLD is soul destroying. I’ve hit the age of “invisibility” so I don’t get chatted up in pubs or anything. I can’t be assed to join groups I’m not even interested in, just to try and meet a guy. I’ve made a life for myself I can be happy enough with. The things I miss are someone asking me about my day (although abusive asshole didn’t do that, he only cared about himself!) and cuddles. When I think about all I would have to give up for another relationship, on balance it just doesn’t seem worth it for a bit of a chat and a cuddle. So that’s it for me. If Mr wonderful fell into my lap I guess i’d give it a go but as he hasn’t made an appearance in 50 years I don’t think he’s going to appear any time soon!

@ShatnersWig , please don't think about "pulling the plug", there are many many crappy relationships out there that can be just as unhappy.

Have you got any thoughts about why you've not found another relationship? For me, I'm fairly low in confidence around women which I know holds me back. I'm also not the best looking and I struggle to think what woman would find me attractive, but then I see a lot of women walking around with complete goombas, so looks aren't everything. It doesn't help for OLD, though.

Do you have an active social life otherwise?

A friend of mine is 50yo, no kids, has been single for ages. Met someone end if last year, whirlwind romance. They're talking about moving in together. Obviously they won't be starting a family but equally it looks like she's not going to be alone either.

There’s a reason numerous studies show unmarried, childfree women are the happiest! Build a happy life for yourself!

My parents split up when they were in their early 30s. In their 60s now, dad single through choice (has a really busy social life and happy to be single). My mum met someone ten years ago so early fifties.

My in-laws split up when they were mid forties. MIL single through choice, FIL met someone within a year.

My husband’s grandma met her husband when she was 70. Ten years later they’re still really happy.

There’s chance you’ll meet someone but if you don’t there are plenty of happy single people out there with great social lives. Tbh if dh and I ever split up I think I’d stay single.

I got married at 38 and was married for almost 20 years.
Shame he turned out to be a complete waste of breathing space.

It happens. The worst thing about it is when it’s seen as red flag if you don’t have a few long term relationships behind you. I’m 40 and apart from one which lasted 3/4 years I’ve been single / in a bunch of casual relationships / embarked on ‘one night’ (not always literally one night) stands.

So they must be something wrong with me. Perhaps there is. I thought I’d bea catch, look younger than I am, no ‘baggage’ but seems to be viewed suspiciously with people on here. Perhaps real life too. Suppose it is weird to get to my age without the seriously long term stuff but am not a commitaphobe. Just haven’t met the right person and not been desperate enough to settle for someone who I’d be betraying in my own heart pretending

haverhill Aside from my parents, who I get on with ok but we're not close, I have no other family. I'm just not going to do the whole old age on my own thing. It's bad enough spending most weekends on my own I'm not doing it every day too! But I'm not pulling the plug yet. I just know I will get to a point where I will say "that'll do" and I'm actually ok with that.

SouthernMan I never wanted kids and I have no interest in being a step parent for the same reason. My first gf was killed in a car accident when we were 21. I've had a 3-yr and a 10-yr relationship since. The former because she wanted to have kids (knew I didn't, said she wasn't fussed, thought I'd change my mind). The latter didn't want kids but was quite a lot older than me and we grew apart. It is VERY difficult at 45 trying to find women without children or who don't want them still. Yes, I have an active social life but almost everyone is coupled up and have kids, so while I see them weekday evenings at hobbies, at weekends they are all doing family stuff.

And it doesn't matter what people say - I've tried new groups, new clubs, new hobbies. Just never meet childfree single women in my age range. It is what it is. Can't change who I am.

I'm 49 and have been happily single (and childfree) by choice for over a decade now. I had various relationships (some long term, some more casual) through my 20s and 30s but when a serious relationship broke down in my mid-30s, I decided that I just didn't want to go through the heartbreak anymore. Instead I did the cliched thing of throwing myself into my career and it really took off. Amazing what a difference it makes when you're not trying to do your job in parallel with a load of emotional angst. For me at least.

Then I did the expat thing for a few years and had some great experiences, and now I'm back in the UK again and really enjoying my freedom and being able to do what I want when I want. Career has recently gone a bit pear-shaped due to Brexit but hopefully things will improve again eventually. I'm not sure I could be in a relationship now even if I did actually stumble across an amazing single man my age. I like my freedom too much. And I would have to literally stumble over a man as even in my 20s I was always oblivious to when a man was interested in me. No hope for me at almost 50.

I'm most definitely not looking to meet someone. I'd never do OLD (it sounds horrendous!) and whilst I have a fairly active social life plus lots of gym friends and I do voluntary work, I can only think of one man I know who is actually single and straight. As others have said, whilst it isn't difficult to meet new people, it IS difficult to meet single people as it seems everyone is coupled up. Even my much younger friends are all married or in serious relationships.

Sometimes I realise this means I will probably be spending the rest of my life alone and that could be another 40 years! That's pretty daunting. But I try to take each day as it comes and not worry about the future too much. Although I do have my moments of worrying I will die at home and no-one will find my body for weeks. And sometimes I wish I'd had a daughter so I had someone to leave my fabulous jewellery and handbag collection to.

@ShatnersWig
Weirdly I think you might find it easier as you get older. People might have kids, but they’ll be all grown up. So no step parenting, aside from a (hopefully nice) christmas or occasional birthday. That’s what happened with my mum.

So then your pool is massively wide open!!

Yes, agree with Watching. As people’s kids become adults, there will be lots more single/divorced/widowed people looking for a relationship who are in practical terms ‘child-free’.

Most people I know in my age range have kids anywhere between 3 and 13. That's still years away from being "practically" child free. But if they have kids then it's highly likely at some point along come the grandkids. Some childfree by choice people are ok with being step parent or step grandparent. Some aren't. I'm the latter. As I say, I can't change who I am. If I could, life would be very different!

Well hopefully you would end up with someone you don’t know 🤷‍♀️
So in 5 years your 50
You meet someone who had a kid at 28

Have you possibly thought how negatively your thinking about this. We said something positive and instead of seeing something positive in it, you found something negative in it.