Anyone single in 30s never meet someone and end up alone?

[toffeeapple123]

It’s looking more and more likely that this is how it’s going for me. Encouraged by all the positive stories of people meeting later and starting families. But what about those who haven’t? It’s a distinct possibility right?

Yes, but there is still the issue of potential grandchildren.

It's not about being negative. It's knowing who I am. Don't we expect people to want us for who we are? Not to pretend to be someone else to attract a partner?

If you had grandkids, wouldn't you want a partner who wanted to spend time with you when they visit, or you're babysitting for them, or taking them out for the day, or having them to stay for weekends while their parents went away? Not someone who absented himself from most of those times? Of course you would. So it would be unfair and ridiculous of me to enter that sort of relationship. It could only cause friction or resentment.

Yep, no long term relationships. Adopted in my late 30s, it's not for everyone and has had a negative effect on my career/pension, but adore my children. Cannot imagine having enough time and energy for my girls and having a partner.

It is a different path for everyone.

@ShatnersWig
Well some people live near their children (grandchildren) some don’t. Everyone is an individual

My mother doesn’t live near any of her children. So no babysitting. No looking after kids. Aside from times when she comes on her own and leaves her disinterested dp behind. He’s nice and he makes her happy. I don’t care he’s not involved aside from pouring drinks at Christmas.

I mean if you physically can’t be in the same room as a child then you’ve got issues.

But anyway. As I said earlier, sounds like your just looking for reasons why you’ll never be with someone.

And no, my mum really doesn’t care that he’s not interested. Their relationship is nothing to do with us.

My brother met the love of his life, never having even dated before, when he was 32. That was 2 years ago and he's now married and deliriously happy (even if it's nauseating for the rest of us!).

Where did I say I can't be in a room with a child? I didn't. Don't see things that aren't there. It will no doubt shock you to learn I have a nine-yr old goddaughter. I don't see her often due to distance.

You're right. We're all individuals. Please respect those people who have different views to yours. I don't judge parents because I'm not one. I can't appreciate it understand your experience as a parent because I'm not one. Similarly, if you're not childfree by choice you can't understand those who are.

You're right in that someone who almost never saw their grandchildren or had them to stay regularly would be an option. I personally don't know any grandparents who aren't very active in their grandchildren lives, so that is clearly going to influence my thinking.

@ShatnersWig I didn’t say you said you couldn’t be in a room with children. I said “if” you can’t be. People are allowed opinions.
Exactly how have I not respected you. I haven’t said anything nasty. Or disrespectful

I’ve seen your posts on here for years. And liked you a lot, but often with these topics they all sound the same. And I was trying to be really positive for you, and you’ve turned it into this. Well done.

As I said earlier, sounds like your just looking for reasons why you’ll never be with someone

I'm sorry if you feel I've "turned it into this" (whatever that means) but perhaps you've forgotten what being long term single is like? Or maybe never experienced it? Waking up on your own every morning for 9 years. Having to deal with everything on your own. In the last three years I have lost both my grandparents. I missed getting to my grandfather's bedside by a couple of minutes. My nan, whom I adored, decided to refuse treatment, food or liquid and I sat with her for five weeks as she basically starved herself to death. I had to deal with all of that on my own, with no one to come home to, or simply to hold my hand. My first gf died in a crash as I mentioned earlier. My best friend died on Xmas Eve years ago which makes Xmas a really difficult time anyway, even more so now I don't see my grandparents who helped make it bearable. I lost two other close friends, one dropped dead of an aneurysm just after he became a dad for the second time at 35. All of that would have been easier to cope with if I hadn't been on my own. And you think I'm looking for reasons NOT to be with someone?

I'm sure you didn't mean it to sound that way but it hurt. Maybe I'm just not in a great place right now. I'll leave the thread. Apologies.

@ShatnersWig
I do indeed know what it’s like to be long term single. To lose people tragically. To deal with deaths of loved ones.

I would in all honesty suggest some therapy. If you haven’t already. I think it might help. It doesn’t help all people. But it’s always worth trying. And with everything that’s happened to you.

Anyway. Sorry to derail the thread.

I'm 33 and this worries me. I was last single in my late twenties and I worry it'll be different and difficult if I were single again.

I'm quite a shy person and when I was last single I forced myself to go on a few dates a week. I got quite proactive and I started to feel comfortable about going out meeting people and I didn't worry about whether they would reject me or not.

There are plenty of people who are single so if you put the effort in you should meet people, but I guess it depends what you want. I have some friends who are single who have really high expectations. Would this partner you're holding out for be interested in you? I think it's good to be reflective about yourself, and if there's anything you want to work on with yourself which will help you be happier and to be more attractive.

OP, in the nicest possible way, I knew before I even read the post that it was from you. I think you need to get off Mumsnet and just try and live your life without focussing so much on the fact that you are single. There are loads of advantages with the single life and you seem to have lost sight of that. A relationship is not the be all and end all. You only need to read this board to realise that it’s far better to be single than in a bad relationship.
Your obsession with finding someone to settle down with may be more obvious than you realise in real life, and if people pick up on that it may very well be off-putting for them. Just try to relax and focus on other things, you might be missing out on other fun stuff! Good luck.

I have a friend that is really grating on me at the moment because all she wants is a man. I'm actually sick of hearing it.

If my entire purpose on this earth was to find someone to go out with, then I think that would make me pretty sad.

I'm single and couldn't care less. I certainly wouldn't be thinking of ending my life over it.

@ShatnersWig you could meet someone at 51 and have 30 amazing years together