Tinder date a bit odd, hook up or just a text-phobia

[HarmlessChap]

Got a Tinder date this weekend both latter 40's her profile is sparce she messaged first saying hello and listing a couple of quite generic interests, communication is polite but minimal she asked if I wanted to meet. I suggested we have a drink and she pick the venue which she did.

Asked what she was hoping to get from tinder and she said to go on a few dates and see what happens. I said I was looking for someone special but also open to the idea of something more casual while looking, happy just to see where things go. Reply was "OK"

I asked if she knows the pub well, she said yes it's her local, which presumable means it's close to her home. Any attempt to engage in conversation gets a polite response but no attempt to continue the engagement, other than a couple of "how's your day been?"

She's either awful with texting or is just after a hook up (lucky me if that's the case and her pictures are recent) any suggestions on how I can tell either before or on the date as I'd hate to offend her by asking directly.

You have already asked her and have her answer.

More than likely she just isnt into investing alot of time texting before you meet up and she sees if there is a spark.

My best mate is crap at texting. I’d write a chatty text and then ask her about her day and she’d just respond ‘ok’ or ‘nightmare with x’. Very chatty in real life luckily!

I would imagine she wants to meet you in person to see if there is any chemistry, rather than wasting time with chatty getting to know each other texts. When are you meeting up? Definitely don't ask her if she's just after a hook up!

Have you met before or is this the first meeting? Tbh she just sounds quite boring

I'll just have to play it by ear but I feel a bit nervous about it.

I've not long been on OLD and the dates I've been on I've known much more about the woman so I've been able to have a couple of conversation starters prepared in case of awkward silences.

We are meeting mid afternoon tomorrow.

First date @CodenameVillanelle

Just go on the date and see what she's like. I always found this "what are you looking for?" a bit tedious especially when people started getting specific. Go with the flow.

I've not been doing old very long and the guys I match with never seen to want a conversation I always get very short replies or just go straight to sex talk and just want wank fodder. I would love to match with guys that want an actual conversation and to actually want to meet up. I obviously attract the wrong type lol even though I only swipe on the ones that look like they're looking for more than a ons!

I would perhaps ask if you could phone her, have a conversation over the phone and see how you get on would that help?

Just go on the date and see what she's like. I always found this "what are you looking for?" a bit tedious especially when people started getting specific. Go with the flow.

I only asked as it was difficult getting much information out if her. But you are right I'll just have to go with the flow and hope it's worth the 2 hour round trip.

Good luck tomorrow

Op, you sound lovely. Remember a lot of women have been let down by men OLD, some men are married, some just want an ego boost, some just want sex, some meet up for dates but are always on the lookout for something ‘better’ when they think something better has come along they ghost.
She may have been burnt so is keeping it light until she meets up with you. She’s likely protecting herself.
Good luck today!

Thanks yeah I'm aware that some guys on OLD have set the bar low for the rest of us to appear half decent. I am getting the impression that all you have to do to come across as a nice guy is not send a dick pic.

She may not be interested in texting and is busy. I have a friend who has absolutely no desire to waste her time texting some random she's never met, she will go on the date, and if she likes him, take it from there. Making small talk on text with a stranger she may not like when she meets is not her thing.

I'd assume this is somewhat similar.

Don't go in there thinking she just wants to shag you. Trust me that would be a huge mistake. Huge. She simply wants to meet you and see if she likes you and is being non commital and uninvolved, not emotionally investing, or opening up, until she does.

There is nothing wrong with that, and everything right with it. It's you that's being the needy one.

The last time I was on old
One guy turned up to the first date with a CD of his band. This hasn't been discussed or mentioned at any point. I managed to rake up an old machine which played cds. It was AWFUL

Second guy arranged date, we had a couple of beers. As I was heading out to the car park he kissed me and said "hjmm where is your tongue" Oh its at the back of my mouth along with my sex drive, you massive cock

Sounds like she’s reserving judgement until she actually meets you in person, which is fair enough. Good luck in the date.

Hey OP, problem is many many years ago I got talking to a guy by phone and text, got on amazingly well, I was mentally marrying him!! Thing is when we met I simply didn’t fancy him. In the meantime he knew everything and his mother about me and certainly fancied me. It’s then very awkward because you can’t say ‘there’s no spark’ as there was, and it’s quite hard to say ‘I don’t fancy you’ . I would be the same if in this position now as this lady,so play it by ear!!

In the meantime he knew everything and his mother about me

kind of changing the topic but I'm amazed how much detail women share with virtual strangers and even the pictures they put on their profiles with young daughter's it leaves the door wide open for abusers.

The date was quite pleasant with some laughs and good chatting. She seems to want a 2nd date which is nice.

Only concern to me were a few comments about ex's buying her expensive gifts and taking her to expensive hotels, which combined with the fact she made no attempt to buy any of the drinks lead me suspect that she is used to wealthy men spending lots of money on her. In which case she would be disappointed. I'll give the benefit of the doubt and see how a 2nd date goes.

Gosh, I wouldn't be giving her a second chance. She's telling you who she is.

I wouldn't bother with a second date either. She's looking for a man of money. Not of all the lovely qualities that I'm sure you've got.

I wouldn’t do a second date! Not buying any drinks I’d find really off-putting. When I used to date I very definitely insisted on alternate rounds. Any woman with self-respect at least offers surely.

Nope, move on. She’s after a good time on the men she dates. Talking about exes on a first date is a big no no. Bragging about what exes have brought her is a bigger no no.
If you have time please keep this thread going, it would be really interesting to see what OLD is like for a man. There are so many threads about women’s experiences but not men’s. You do sound like a good un by the way.

One of you single ladies should step up to the plate and offer harmlesschap a date and give feedback, he sounds lovely!!

Oh and OP, I would give her the benefit of the doubt, sometimes people say daft things , not thinking , on a first date because of nerves , although if she doesn’t offer drinks next time then I think she just likes dating very comfortably off blokes