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Original poster

Why's he so horrible

27 replies

inthedarkx · 01/08/2019 22:54

So husband left me ( I have a thread on it all) and I'm pregnant. I'm nearly 35 weeks and he said in June that he would buy me the pram end of June which I was surprised about because he didn't want the baby, he's been abusing ect but anyway then he changed it to oh I'll buy it end of July. Anyway things haven't been great between us and he hasn't bought the pram so I just went and ordered one on mother care on half price on sale and all I could afford. Anyway last night he text saying oh I hope you've not bought the pram because I said I would get it on Friday ( meaning tomorrow) so I cancel my mother care order and have to wait 5 days for a refund thinking he really was serious and wanted to at least do this one thing for the baby, now tonight he's said he won't buy the pram until he can see I deserve it and until he can see I've cleaned the house properly ect ( he's only saying that coz he saw stairs with a bit of mess whilst picking up kids)
I'm so upset now because I cancelled my order and have to wait for the little money I paid for one back 😢
Even though he's moved on and has a gf he still wants to be horrible to me 😢

OP posts:
Needsomebottle · 01/08/2019 23:04

What a prick.

Is the pram still on sale that you ordered? Can you email them and ask to reinstate the order - I'd even explain someone said they'd buy you one but let you down. If he ends up getting one for you then get it on Ebay, hopefully for more than you bought yours for and you're quids in!

OldAndWornOut · 01/08/2019 23:08

Don't allow him to be horrible to you.
Only speak to him when you have to, no conversations, and certainly no letting him decide if you 'deserve' things.
What a knobend!

madcatladyforever · 01/08/2019 23:09

What an absolute piece of shit.

FetchezLaVache · 01/08/2019 23:11

Balls to him, he sounds horrible

Go through the proper channels for maintenance if you aren't already, he sounds like the kind of bastard who'd happily have you beholden to him for every fiver he deigns to give you. He's really enjoying holding the pram over you, isn't he?

I'm so sorry that you're having this stress when you should be just looking forward to meeting your forthcoming new arrival Flowers

Whatisthisfuckery · 01/08/2019 23:13

He’s a twat, that’s why he’s being so horrible. He’s fucking with you. Block the bastard and ffs don’t put him on baby’s birth cert.If he wants to be on it let him fork out for a court application. You can still get CM if he’s not on the birth cert. And try the above about the pram, and if that’s a no go then you can probably get one on a FB seller page second hand. It might not be what you want but it only has to do, at least for now.

Sorry OP but you need to get this loser out of your life, and as far away from baby’s life as possible. He’s an irredeemable twat and you don’t need his shit in your life.

thisisfuckingbad · 01/08/2019 23:28

One of the good things about splitting up with a wanker like this is that you don't have to work out why he's horrible- he just is. Now you can replace trying to work out his defective personality with happy thoughts about your new life with your lovely new baby (or thoughts about what's on tv, or your friends, or what you're having for tea. Frankly any thought is more useful than one wasted on him)

movingontosomethingnew · 01/08/2019 23:32

Get this arsehole to fuck op. You and baby deserve better.

EKGEMS · 01/08/2019 23:48

Madcatlady Said it perfectly

CherrySocks · 01/08/2019 23:50

until he can see I deserve it and until he can see I've cleaned the house properly etc

WTAF. He has left you his wife, his unborn baby, and his children, he's got another woman. The pram is for his baby. It's not a reward for you, it's the very least he could be doing. I hope you told him that your home was no longer his concern.

glitterfarts · 01/08/2019 23:54

Please don't put him on the birth certificate and don't give your baby his surname.
What a jerk. Ring mothercare tomorrow and 'uncancel'.

chickenyhead · 01/08/2019 23:56

Wow, he is a special one isn't he?

I wouldn't allow him across the threshold of your home. Get your own pram. He can square with his own conscience whether he has behaved reasonably, or not, because he won't care.

Whatever you do, dont let on it has got to you. That is what he wants.

Also it seems that you may have a traitor in your midst, he seems to have known you had ordered and/or cancelled the pram. Could he be recording your phone calls etc?

My spidey sense is tingling. Be careful and paranoid. He is after you.

As for not putting his name on birth cert, is this your only child of his? It is difficult as I am having a nightmare getting a prohibitive steps against my ex, but it was important to me that all of my children had both parents on the birth cert, even though the youngest resulted from rape after break up.

Take care xxx

AgentJohnson · 02/08/2019 00:11

Detach, detach, detach.

31RueCambon · 02/08/2019 00:16

Agree with advice to detach. What an arsehole.

With this type of man, you want them to have an epiphany, to say something that will make them have a break through but it won't happen because to some people, being horrible to somebody is their ''self care''. Iykwim.

Everafter1 · 02/08/2019 00:25

That's really horrible, manipulative and controlling. Take everything he says with a pinch of salt and don't rely on him for a thing. He'll let you down at every turn. I would definitely contact mothercare to see if they can reinstate your order. That's ridiculous about you "deserving" the pram. The pram is not for you, it's an essential for the baby.

quirkycutekitch · 02/08/2019 00:47

Because he’s an abusive twat - exchange should have been - that you had ordered the pram & it was £x - him ok i’ll Transfer you the £x.

He’s trying to control you still - I hope you’ve got lots of support for when the baby comes x

Alislia17 · 02/08/2019 03:33

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HaileySherman · 02/08/2019 03:49

Sounds like an asshole on a power trip whose enjoying jerking around a heavily pregnant woman. He's horrible. Best bet is to get a court order and expect nothing more and he'll have no power over you, your hopes or emotions.

Windmillwhirl · 02/08/2019 04:30

He didn't want the baby and is punishing you by messing you around. Get the half price one again. I very much doubt this pram he has promised is going to materialise, but if it does, you can sell it.

You can't rely on him, so don't buy into his bullshit.

Beautiful3 · 02/08/2019 04:49

Detach from him. Ring up Mothercare early in the morning ask them if they can reinstate your order. Don't ever believe another word he says.

FuriousVexation · 02/08/2019 04:49

He's yanking your chain isn't he. If you haven't told him "Oh I've ordered a pram" and "Oh I've arranged a refund" then I'd strongly suspect he's reading your emails. Make a new email account ASAP and change your password on here and every other site you post personal info on.

If you did tell him "I ordered a pram" Stop giving him ammunition. This type of abuser will use anything like that to hurt you, because he enjoys hurting people. Because he's a fucknugget.

Have you read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft? It's a real eye opener. If you have a look on this board you'll find "The abuser profiles" post which is the first chapter of the book. If you pm me I will hook you up with the rest of the book.

Good luck and congrats on your forthcoming baby 🌷

HappyLoneParentDay · 02/08/2019 05:21

@Whatisthisfuckery Excuse me but you cannot fuck with a child's birth certificate just because you are angry at the father! Yes he's a total twat, 100% arsehole but the child still deserves to have his/her father on their birth certificate

howdyalikemenow · 02/08/2019 09:13

Happy, there are lots of good reasons not to have the father on the birth certificate. Especially if the father is an abusive test like this one.

Whatisthisfuckery · 02/08/2019 09:16

No they don’t, and if you’d seen the utter misery it causes when a deadbeat arsehole has PR you might think different. Especially a deadbeat arsehole who likes to play vindictive games to get at the mother. gits like this don’t care about the impact on their child.

Excuse me but take a long and difficult walk in the shoes of a woman this has happened to and come back and tell me what you think then.

pointythings · 02/08/2019 09:37

LoneParent seriously? I had this crap from my H's psychologist. 'A shitty dad is better than no dad'. What is this man going to bring to his child's life? He has shown that he is happy to play mind games with people. He may not do it when his DC is tiny, but what about when they grow up and develop their own independence? He isn't to be trusted. If he wants pr, let him fight for it.

funnylittlefloozie · 02/08/2019 09:46

Op, i am really sorry that you are going through all this crap. Please stop telling your ex what you are doing. He doesnt care, and he will just use the information to hurt you and the children.

Does he pay maintenance? If he doesnt, get onto the CMS this morning, and start a claim. Start moving your relationship with him to arms' length - dont answer the phone every time he rings, dont reply to his texts instantly, be on your way out of the door if he comes round.

He is being horrible because hes a horrible person. You have enough on your plate right now without wasting time and effort trying to figure him out.

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