Are we both in the wrong?

[MonicaBee]

Long story short, I’ve been seeing sleeping with someone for three months without using any birth control.
We had never discussed it, but I have fertility problems and know I am highly unlikely to fall pregnant naturally, so never really worried.
The other day he asked if I’m on the pill, I said no and tried to explain about my fertility as well as offering to go on the pill also.
He went crazy, didn’t listen to my explanation and blocked me from everything.

I know we should have discussed things sooner, but he’s left me feeling like I am a really bad person. Surely he is just as much in the wrong?

He should have checked first. Yes he is wrong.

You are also very wrong.

And why do neither of you care about STDs?

He is. Why wasn't he using condoms and just assuming you were on the pill?

But on the same vein, you should have been using condoms anyway, fertility issues or not.

Clearly a talk that always needs to happen before you start sleeping with someone, didn't happen. I wonder why that was and if it boiled down to some insecurity on your part.

Either way, he sounds like a bit of a prat. You probably had a lucky escape.

You are both wrong. He was wrong to assume you were taking care of birth control. You were wrong to not tell him you weren't. You're both wrong for not using condoms.

I'm afraid you are both in the wrong op

It does annoy me that men tend to think it's a woman's responsibility, however it's not just contraception that people should think about. Like pp said STD!!!

You should never assume that just because you have infertility issues that you shouldn't be concerned about infections and diseases.

Wrap it up xx

You are both wrong!

I don't understand why you would take those risks

Have neither of you never heard of condoms? Pregnancy aside you're both at risk of STIs etc.

Wave him off into the distance and maybe go and get checked out at local STI clinic? And buy some condoms...

He went mad? What a prick. If he cared that much then he should be putting a condom on. You’re well rid. He wants unprotected sex but doesn’t want to think about protection. Ugh.

I spoke to my friend a month or so about it and she said the same, he hasn’t asked and he is just as responsible as me.
I’m going to get checked too, I think we just got carried away 😔

I am really insecure, so maybe you’re right.
I’m glad I’m not alone thinking he’s in the wrong too though, he totally blamed me.

STDs!!!!

Both wrong. When he didn't ask you should have brought it up yourself. Irresponsible behaviour from both of you.

I know someone who did the same without the fertility issues. She just wanted to get pregnant, and did. Because he never asked she sees nothing wrong in what she did but she is equally responsible.

Thanks for confirming! I wasn’t happy with being made to feel like I was the one to blame!

You are both ENORMOUSLY irresponsible!!

A man should never presume contraception is a woman’s responsibility but your reckless for assuming you wouldn’t get pregnant. There are masses of people with fertility issues that have ended up pregnant.

Maybe don’t have sex anymore until you can be responsible about it. You both need full STI screenings done too!

I take responsibility too but you’re right, his reaction was completely unfair

I’m on the other end of this my DH had a relationship with a women before I knew him and she said she could never have children had issues and low and behold 2 months later she was pregnant. He adores his DD but it makes me angry they never discussed things and both were irresponsible as that has had an impact on our lives. Though his mother always suspected she lied just to have a baby. I think he has a right to be angry but he should never assume either and how is has dealt with it isn’t good.

I just don't understand how neither of you brought this up.

I won't have sex until contraception has been made clear by both of us.

Even if I had fertility problems an the chances are I couldn't conceive, I'd feel massively guilty not letting the other know I wasn't on anything

His reaction made out that I’m 100% to blame and yes I’ll be getting checked

I guess our first time was just so passionate and we got carried away... then it went from there.
I do feel guilty, and I’m really sad I’ve ruined what we had

OP you need to grow up.

There are some instances where people who struggle with fertility get pregnant. You also have a high chance of getting an std.

Passion is not an excuse for not protecting yourself. Forget him. Think about the implications on you.

You are most likely feeling guilty only now because he's blown up over this

Both of you need to grow up and learn to look after your sexual health

How is birth control 100% your responsibility?
He should have checked.
You should have had a conversation before getting into a sexual relationship.
He sounds like a knob-head though - lucky escape for you.

Very odd behaviour from both of you. Who the hell has unprotected sex with someone they have just met and doesn't think to discuss it for three months.

HIV!!!!!!!!! Jesus woman, your takeaway from this is not being totally blamed for the situation. Was this your first sexual encounter?

This level of stupidity leaves me 😶.

Yes, you are both in the wrong. Don't let yourselves get carried away unless you have a condom to hand! If it's going to be an ongoing relationship, have a sensible discussion about contraception - but please bear in mind the need to prevent transmission of STDs, as well as pregnancy.

Always use condoms first, then you discuss ditching them. Agree on a different form of contraception, then both for for a full STI screen before ditching condoms.

Always do this. It's no good being so complacent about your sexual health. A good dose of something can hammer it home thought.