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Original poster

Are we both in the wrong?

44 replies

MonicaBee · 31/07/2019 11:03

Long story short, I’ve been seeing sleeping with someone for three months without using any birth control.
We had never discussed it, but I have fertility problems and know I am highly unlikely to fall pregnant naturally, so never really worried.
The other day he asked if I’m on the pill, I said no and tried to explain about my fertility as well as offering to go on the pill also.
He went crazy, didn’t listen to my explanation and blocked me from everything.

I know we should have discussed things sooner, but he’s left me feeling like I am a really bad person. Surely he is just as much in the wrong?

OP posts:
gamerchick · 31/07/2019 13:00

Oh and this bloke is a cock. Keep him blocked.

Crass12 · 31/07/2019 13:01

Yes you were both wrong, he’s a knob for blaming it solely on you so you’re well rid of him.
Please use condoms from now on, it’s protection from STI’s not just babies 💐

sofato5miles · 31/07/2019 13:03

I once dated a man who told me that he had changed his life after discovering he was infertile. We used condoms for STDs anyway. One broke, I didn't bother with MAP and low and behold was sidding pregnant. Dumped him and had an abortion. Was UTTERLY furious with myself for being so gullible.

He was a lawyer and a snake.

Rezie · 31/07/2019 13:04

Both of you are in the wrong for not using a condom. He is even more in the wrong since he did not care about consequences at all and then got upset. He should have asked. You at least knew your fertility status and hopefully was aware of the consequences and if you could handle them.

HollowTalk · 31/07/2019 13:05

You have fertility problems, you say. Is that something you suspect or something a doctor has verified? Have you ever tried to get pregnant?

I can't believe it didn't occur to either of you to use a condom.

M0RVEN · 31/07/2019 13:08

You are both really stupid . No one “ gets carried away” for 3 months.

However he’s shown you that he’s an arse because he’s 50% to blame but he’s blaming you. So you are well rid of him.

Get checked out and learn your lesson.

powershowerforanhour · 31/07/2019 13:12

Both in the wrong but he has absolutely no right to go ballistic at you. It amazes me how men (in my albeit limited experience) view this as the woman's responsibility and her problem and just assume she's on the pill.
and I’m really sad I’ve ruined what we had

Don't be. You didn't ruin it. He ruined it by making assumptions then being a dick and blaming you. If you stayed together I bet you would be used as a convenient blame dump for other things he didn't fancy taking responsibility for.

wornoutboots · 31/07/2019 13:19

I was infertile... No chance of kids.. Then I got pregnant. And have a total of 7 times since (all wanted, not all made it)

Just saying...

I'm sorry his reaction was so crappy.

RLEOM · 31/07/2019 13:36

I had fertility problems, constant early miscarriages. So ex dp and I didn't use protection... 6 months later, I fell pregnant once again but didn't miscarry this time.

You should be responsible for your sexual health and not rely on infertility problems.

KylieKoKo · 31/07/2019 13:57

He's a dick. This is like you going off at him because you had assumed he'd had a vasectomy. I think you have had a lucky escape.

PennyPittstop · 31/07/2019 14:05

I'm someone who was thankfully in a steady relationship 10 years ago when a nasty tummy bug meant that I shouldn't have been relying on the pill for a couple of weeks. I decided that as I had mega gynaecological issues and had been advised that I would need IVF to conceive that I was willing to take the risk of not using alternative methods as a backup. My 9 year old son is a very sweet and loving child Blush Yes, you have both been very irresponsible (just like I was). Even if you have fertility issues, surprises can and do happen. Not to mention the STI risk. Please be more careful in future relationships for your own safety.

Wearenotyourkind · 31/07/2019 15:51

It takes 2 to tango!

And other others have pointed out, it's not just pregnancy to think about! But both are adults and are equally as responsible, imho.

Original poster
MonicaBee · 31/07/2019 16:37

Exactly how I feel, I know I’ve let myself down but I’m so upset that he’s blaming me and has fallen out with me over it

OP posts:
Original poster
MonicaBee · 31/07/2019 16:37

I hope I start to see it this way, right now I’m just upset over it all

OP posts:
NameChangeNugget · 31/07/2019 16:47

OMG, do you not value your sexual health?

He may have knob rot.

SinkGirl · 31/07/2019 16:50

Of course you’re both in the wrong but his reaction is ludicrous.

If you said to him “you have had a vasectomy haven’t you?” and then lose your shit when he says no, he’d think you were completely insane. Why is that women are assumed to have this covered?

He should have asked before assuming.

Original poster
MonicaBee · 31/07/2019 17:13

This is what I wanted to hear! I know I’ve been stupid and I’m 50% of the problem but wanted someone to confirm with me that he’s totally out of order in his reaction and blaming me 100%

OP posts:
Original poster
MonicaBee · 31/07/2019 22:10

It’s been verified by doctors, he wouldn’t listen though

OP posts:
Original poster
MonicaBee · 31/07/2019 22:11

Yes I was silly, and I’m sorry for your losses.
But thanks, I really do feel he’s not being fair

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