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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband took non consenting nudes of me

58 replies

Quirkyfox3 · 30/07/2019 21:15

In april I found pictures that my husband took of me while sleeping (passed out...we had a night out) naked, it was zoomed right in on my privates, I also found pictures where he would photoshop my face on other naked womens bodies, and videos of me getting dressed in the mornings. I told him about it, and felt that I could forgive him even though it was the second time this has happened and I have forgiven him before. Fast forward to now, I found emails of him on live webcam porn sites, 8this awakened these feelings again, now he is angry and sad that I am having a very hard time forgiving him. I am horrified that he might have.posted them online, he swears he hasnt..but I cant trust him anymore. I feel all my emotions all mingled together. Im sad, angry, disgusted, dissapointed and horrified all at once...he keeps appologising...but I dont know if this can be fixed, I hurt so much inside...I cant even look at him. I want to leave him but he keeps saying we can fix this...I dont think I can or even want to. I asked him to move out, he says its only for a few days, he is going to stay with his mum, because I need space, now she thinks I have kicked him out of our house, and that I am being unreasonable, but she does not know the truth..only what he has told her

OP posts:
BringMeAGinandTonic · 31/07/2019 05:22

That's absolutely horrible. I wouldn't be able to look at my partner again if it happened to me. I'd feel so violated and angry, even more so that it has happened before.

If you don't think you can fix things or don't want to, then that's perfectly acceptable.

He sounds like he has a problem with voyeurism and needs help, as it clearly is having an impact on his relationships. I am not saying you have to stick by while he gets help but he definitely needs help because what he is doing is not alright.

I'd peruse some online sites (free and paid) to ensure you're not on there. I'd hate to think he is cashing in on this fetish of his. :/

Definitely tell his mother. Why should you be the bad guy in this? Fuck that. She needs to know her son needs major help.

Mary1935 · 31/07/2019 07:14

That’s terrible Quirky Fox - no wonder you feel like you do.
Tell him not to contact you at all and tell his mother not to contact you or you will tell her what he’s been doing.
You need space to work out what YOU want.
Is there anyone you can talk to about this?
He’s done it more than once and he cannot be trusted.
He’s violated your trust.
He will try to win you round and it is a police matter if you choose to or divorce him or both.
I’m very sorry this has happened and I hope you have real life support.
🌺

Pinkbonbon · 31/07/2019 11:26

Don't let him back in your home. Might be best not to tell his mother atm incase she boots him out and he tries to come back to you.

What is your housing situation? Like if you own it then you can just change the locks and have his stuff sent round to his mums. Otherwise I think I would go with calling the police and reporting him (might do this either way). Whatever you need to do to keep him away from you. He isn't safe to be around.

Xenadog · 31/07/2019 13:19

You must inform the police as soon as possible. Don’t say a thing to his mum until the police have taken his phone.

Clearly the relationship is over so now you need to think about what you are going to do next regarding your home - stay and change the locks maybe?

I would also speak to friends and family so they can support you. This is such a violation you do need real life support.

Jaffacakesaremyfave · 31/07/2019 14:55

What a disgusting invasion of your privacy by someone who you should be able to trust OP. What he has done is illegal and disrespectful in every way. Remember, how a man treats you is how a man feels about you and this just shows he really doesnt give a shit about your feelings or dignity.

The fact that he just wants you to hurry up and forgive him already just shows how empty his apologies are. They are just empty words. Get as far away as you can from this man and report him to the police before he does it again to another poor women.

I hope his dick gets gangrene and falls off!!!

pepperpot99 · 31/07/2019 15:00

Absolute deal breaker IMO - I would get rid of him. He is a liar, a pervert and happy to abuse you. I hope to God you don't have kids together. I agree that he probably has secret cameras in the toilet, bathroom etc. How disgusting. I'm sorry Op but he is vile and of course you should tell his mother.

Original poster
Quirkyfox3 · 31/07/2019 17:27

So he has now seen a pshycologist, and told me that I need to go see.one and then we should go for marriage counselling...he has depression.
I asked him depression about what? So he has the nerve to tell me that he cant say anything untill we go see a marriage councellor..I honestly do think that he has not told this pshyciatrist the truth and shifted the blame on me. .as with his mum. I am fuming...he has basicly now given me the go ahead to just leave him and his sorry ass

OP posts:
Cocobean30 · 31/07/2019 17:30

Why the hell are you still with him. He clearly doesn’t respect you at all or really give a shit about you, you’re just an object to him. A convenient one.

Cocobean30 · 31/07/2019 17:31

You at worth so much more than this OP, you deserve someone better :)

Willow2017 · 31/07/2019 17:43

YOU need to see a psycologist?
WTAF?

Go to the police and have him done for it. Its a criminal offence to do this.
Then when he is arrested you can tell his mum just what a shit her son is.
Dont let him back in the door.

miaCara · 31/07/2019 17:44

THis is awful for you.
I agree you must go to the police with this. He cannot be trusted once inch so dont let him back into the house . This site shows you how to search for hidden infra red cameras with your phone. Worth a shot anyway although I would be doing a fingertip search of all possible areas in the home.
And dont stop at telling his Mum. You have nothing to hide so tell anyone nosy enough to ask why you have separated.

RedSheep73 · 31/07/2019 17:47

That's awful, no one should put up with that. He's showing you no respect at all. And I would tell his mum too.

lifebegins50 · 31/07/2019 17:50

He has the issue and is trying to shift blame onto you. He is not being truthful as I doubt a psychologist would say you need help, perhaps only to recover from the trauma he has caused you.

He is a sex offender, doesn't matter that you are his wife, this is sexual abuse and he cannot be trusted as must have an addiction.

I am so sorry, horrible invasion of your privacy and from a man that you should be able to trust.

sue51 · 31/07/2019 17:53

Depression doesn't turn you into a voyeristic pervert.

HollowTalk · 31/07/2019 17:57

He saw a psychologist since you posted yesterday?

BlueEyedPersephone · 31/07/2019 17:59

Report him to police email his mum tell her the truth, block him, move on

Original poster
Quirkyfox3 · 31/07/2019 18:14

Yes, he did see one one since I posted yesterday, he had a panic attack last week and the Dr in the ER referred him to this pshycologist...his appointment was today.

OP posts:
justasking111 · 31/07/2019 18:23

I bet he had a panic attack, he is worried you are going to report him.

Pinkbonbon · 31/07/2019 18:44

He went to ER for a panic attack? lmao. What a gem.

He's a big phony and its all about him and how he's a poor hard done by soul. Don't listen to anymore of his claptrap.

Also, if he genuinely told a psychiatrist what he had done...would they not legally have to report it to the police? ..maybe not if they don't think you are currently at risk? Not sure how it works, but doubt he truly told them what he had done.

Couples counciling?! Pft what a cheek! 'We'd have to actually be a couple for that, ya creep...(delete this number and never call me again xD)'

HollowTalk · 31/07/2019 20:42

God, when my ex had terrible depression years ago, when the NHS was much better, he had to wait several months for an appointment with a psychiatrist.

Greensleeves · 31/07/2019 20:45

I went to A&E with a panic attack once. I was mid-breakdown and thought I was having a heart attack. It wasn't funny. Nobody there seemed to think I was wasting their time or being dramatic.

This guy's behaviour is utterly appalling and my heart goes out to OP, but I don't see the need to poke fun at people with MH problems Hmm

Benjispruce · 31/07/2019 20:46

Oh my god that is absolutely disgraceful and unforgivable. What the hell is wrong with him. That would be game over for me. So sorry.

WillLokireturn · 31/07/2019 20:49

Report to police. They will.seize his phone and you'll know extent of what he's done.
Shocking.

PositiveVibez · 31/07/2019 20:54

He is a vile pervert! How the hell can you consider staying with this disgusting creature.

Go to the police. He has violated you body and your privacy.

Georgiemcgeorgeface · 31/07/2019 20:55

There will likely be a lot more to it than what you've discovered, that's probably the tip of the iceberg. Leave him for your own safety and sanity. If you don't feel able to report cut all ties and contact and get on with your life.