How can men move on so quickly?

[KevinKlineSwoon]

Most men I know, who have been single for whatever reason, have moved into new relationships very quickly. My friend's widower dad had remarried within 18 months, my brother had a girlfriends within a couple of month of splitting, my friend's husband just got engaged less than a year after they divorced, my colleague is in a serious relationship after splitting from his wife a few months ago etc etc. Someone remarked to me earlier "men always move on quickly" and it's so true. But why?

You do have to remember some people check out of a relationship mentally a long time before actually leaving

Some people just need someone

I do think some people just meet someone they like and why shouldn’t they be together if both single? How long should they wallow over the past?

Sorry if this sounds sexist but I do believe a lot of men just don't want to be alone. Women on the other hand seem to cope much better and are more open to finding their own happiness first. Men just panic. I've seen it so many times myself. Its also an ego thing.

I think it’s because women have lots of friends to support them, rely on, talk to, open up to and go to the cinema or dinner with.
Men tend to do these things with partners. Men may have nights out with groups of other men, but a single life for some men could mean lots of time alone.

My theory is that generally women look for Mr right. Men look for Mrs right now.

By that I mean that a woman has to spend her 20s & 30s searching for a perfect partner and father who will not abuse her, Cheat on her and will be a great Dad and is ready to start a family (men have a bigger time frame for this).

This is less of a worry for men as women are much less likely to be physically abusive or abandon their children so they just settle down with whoever they are with whenever they are ready to start a family and chances are she will be ready too as women have the added pressure of time.

Sexist generalisation I know but it's what I seem to see happening all the time.

Oddly enough, all the people who I think have moved on to quickly have been women, not men.

I have moved on quicker than my ex husband, emotionally But he will settle down again quicker as he much more lonely than me..

There’s more in it for them - generally a capable female to do all the lifework.

I think some people do move on quickly. Not just men.

My last GF got with me within 2 weeks of ending a 12 year marriage. That was OLD.

I think men, as a general rule, struggle more than women to process and express sadness, loneliness and sorrow. Moving on quickly means not having to really process the end of the last relationship and face those feelings. Also, in adult relationships women tend to do the vast majority of housework, childcare, and general shitwork, so men will be needing a replacement sharpish.

My bil has had 2 relationships since my fiance and I have been together and his marriage ended several years ago. The first ltr before I knew him then another year long one ended a few months ago. He's back on dating sites within days of splitting. It's not because he isn't upset because he really was but he seems to need to be in a relationship! He has had several dates since his relationship ended but nothing permanent seems to be happening as yet.

Absolutely @EvaHarknessRose

I definitely also think this is the case.

I find men are a bit more 'black and white' about a break up. It's over. That's sad. Can't change it. Move on.

My DM still ponders over leaving my DF nearly 20 years ago meanwhile he's been remarried for years despite how upset he was when DM left 🤷🏻‍♀️

When I left my ex he was (or pretended to be) devastated! Said he’d never get over it, begged and pleaded for me not to go. Said he’d never been so happy ... blah blah
Then he met someone within a month of me leaving and has since married her!!
I don’t care, I feel sorry for her if anything but the speed of it surprised me. I don’t think he knew her before.
It’s been 4 years since I left and I’m happily single. I don’t understand if he was as devastated as he said, how on Earth he moved on as quick as that

If I divorced I’d be in no rush to squire a new husband. I already have children and am perfectly content being on my own so there’s no need.

I'm afraid I can't help - I separated from my wife 14 months ago and only now, with the divorce through, am I even considering trying online dating.

She moved on within a month.

I dunno... maybe if I was a hottie and had women throwing themselves at me, I might have done. :/

I know several men who have been widowed and have replaced their wives within months or even weeks. I can't understand it ! And why would a woman want to be with a man whose emotions are so shallow that they would do that ?

I’ve made my Dh promise that if I go before him, he won’t “do a Paul McCartney”.

He was a prime example of moving on too soon.

Oddly enough, all the people who I think have moved on to quickly have been women, not men.

Same here.

It’s not a male/female thing, it’s a personality thing.

Some people are better at dusting themselves off and moving on than others. And then new interests fall into your lap, and as you’ve dealt with what you’ve been through well enough to be able to move on you just do.

My ex dumped me end of June 2016, his decision and I was initially gutted but within a few days had realised it was for the best and that if he hadn’t dumped me I’d have done it myself. Took a couple of weeks to get sorted and move to a new place and wanted to meet new people and explore the new city. Downloaded tinder to meet people for coffee, a drink, day out/whatever but was clear I wasn’t looking for anything serious (also tried meeting new people in other platonic ways too and succeeded). Met my now fiancé two weeks after my ex and I split up and I was already in the right frame of mind to explore something new. We’ve been together three years, bought a house, baby on the way and wedding date set for September! And I barely gave my ex a second thought once we met.

I think once you’ve been through a few breakups you get really good at dealing with them in a healthy proactive way and don’t spend a lot of time dwelling or looking backwards or pining as you have confidence that it’s a short term pain and you’ll get past it and focus on your own life. Whereas the first breakup I had I didn’t feel that way and it took me a lot longer to move on.

I think it can often depend on circumstances. My Gran seems to know an inordinate number of men who married their late wives sisters pretty quickly after their wives died. Think it was the done thing back then!

JK1773 - What's the problem? You were the one who left and presumably thought you had all the power by leaving (and leaving him "devastated").

Perhaps you weren't the amazing catch you thought and believed you were. He moved onto to someone better for all we know.

Also, I don’t think anyone except for the two people in a new relationship can really say whether it’s ‘too quickly’, it’s usually people external to the relationship making an arbitrary judgment based on how they think they’d react in that situation. My friend lost her husband in 2013 and by pure chance met someone else within four months and they’re still very happy together, he supported her during her grief but they managed to form a new amazing relationship at the same time as she was grieving her late husband. Her late husband rang their mutual friend while he was still alive and told them that whenever his wife met someone new, whether it was a week after the funeral or a decade, he wanted them to call her and let her know she and they had his blessing as he wanted her to meet someone else and move on with her life.

Purely anecdotal btw but I have found in my circle it’s usually the women who move on more swiftly than the guys as they don’t sit around for months pining, they dust themselves down and get on with things and aren’t short of male attention when they fancy testing the waters again. Personally I’ve usually enjoyed being open to casual dating quite soon after a split as a way to meet new people and get used to being solo again and it’s tended to be the case I’ve happened to meet someone within a few months of a break up I didn’t want to pass up and therefore have started something new. And it’s nothing to do with not enjoying being single, I’ve been single for stretches at a time and really relished and enjoyed it.

I certainly think the poster who said women tend to know more people to do stuff with whilst single has a point. A great many men make no effort male friends wise once they have a partner.

crestar no need for that! That was how he was behaving at the time that’s all. I never suggested I was a great catch, I’m far from it. I never had all the power by leaving him either. The relationship was shite!! I was emotionally abused by him and his parents for years! I didn’t feel anything like power, I felt broken totally. It’s taken me years to start feeling myself again.
I couldn’t care less how he is or who he is with now. All I meant was it was a surprise to learn he’d met someone else so quickly after our LTR and how it flew in the face of everything he said at the time. Nothing more. He maybe didn’t mean what he said to me or the actions he took. He was a lying, creepy vile man anyway. Nothing would surprise me.
No need to be so snipey!!

Well one thing's for sure, it's definitely not because having a women around makes a man's life a ton easier, and having a man around just means more "woman's work" to do. Like laundry, cleaning, organising, event planning, cooking.... For a woman in a couple there's twice as much to do as when she's single, for a man there's half as much - generally speaking. It's definitely, absolutely nothing to do with that, even though there are studies coming out of our ears that show women do god knows how many more hours of unpaid labour compared to men. So it's a recognised social phenomenon, but to link it to the perception that men move on quicker than women would be sexist.