How can men move on so quickly?

[KevinKlineSwoon]

Most men I know, who have been single for whatever reason, have moved into new relationships very quickly. My friend's widower dad had remarried within 18 months, my brother had a girlfriends within a couple of month of splitting, my friend's husband just got engaged less than a year after they divorced, my colleague is in a serious relationship after splitting from his wife a few months ago etc etc. Someone remarked to me earlier "men always move on quickly" and it's so true. But why?

When I had big break ups in my 20's I've (unfortunately) found a level of sexism in that women are expected (often by other women ) to "grieve " or be "slut shamed " for wanting to get out there again and not sitting there crying like Bridget Jones .

And you find all your creepy partnered men who come onto you when they know you're just divorced . And then other women think you're trying to steal their (not very desirable ) men so ostracise you.

So as a woman you feel like shit not because there's anything wrong with you or because breaking up is actually that terrible but because of societal pressure . And you feel under pressure to hide away a bit.

But now that I'm older (and fortunately have better quality of friends as well ) I'm more like Jemima earlier in that with online dating it IS possible to just get out there and "lightly" meet people without making a big deal of it who are outside the drama of your break up and the judgement of your existing social circle.

I know so many examples of men moving on quickly after the death of or divorce from their partners. I was talking to my mum about this the other week; she worked in a small post office for decades so knew everyone locally. She said most of the men who were widowed were lonely and chasing women, desperate to get their feet under the table, while most of the women were kicking up their heels and going on cruises/holidays and generally having a ball as single older women.

My ex-husband was talking to someone online with 2 days of us separating. When I pointed this out to his family i was told "Let someone else have him!"

I'm a woman and moved on very quickly. I had checked out a long time before so when an unexpected opportunity arose, I was not going to turn it down because a respectable period of time hadn't passed between relationships.

Because men are mass-produced in a factory, and it's part of the standard software installation.

Various reasons. Some men have already checked out/had someone before the relationship ended. Most men do not end up with the children living with them and the logistics of that. Some men(and women) are very pragmatic...it's done,it's over ,let's move onto the next one. Some men need a woman to pick up the slack of the previous one.

I think they compartmentalise...

They can be open for a new relationship while still not having dealt with their feelings about the break up. Without letting one interfere with the other as much as it does for us women.

Also because they worry about their kids less..

Also because they don’t worry about getting it right as much as we do.. because we know ageing for us is a sensitive matter whereas for them, it’s “wisdom” and makes them more desirable.

Because likely they have been mentally preparing for this moment for a very long time... before the marriage ended.. keeping their options open even before they decided whether their marriage should end or not ...

Because men aren’t as emotionally intelligent and don’t know they need time to process their grief and instead fall into rebound..often.

So many reasons. I sound sexist. But reality is, this is the majority I’ve seen around

Studies show that women live longer and are happier generally if they have a close group of female friends. Men live longer and are happier if they are married. Therefore women normally have larger social support systems and are not so completely dependent of their significant other to feel ok generally. Men depend a lot on their partner for social as well as sexual intimacy. It's may be easier to replace one person than try and find lots of new friends.

So many reasons. I sound sexist. But reality is, this is the majority I’ve seen around

No, @IABUQueen, you don't sound sexist.

You are sexist.

Men worry about their kids less?

Seriously?

Please, do share more of your wisdom about men. It's so helpful for us fellas to finally learn what we men are like and how we think from someone who actually knows what they're talking about... 😂😂😂

I think in a lot of cases where childcare isn’t 50/50, men simply have more time on their hands.

IdaBWells, I think that’s Avery big part of it indeed, easier to find one person for housework/companionship than a bunch of friends

,

Men don't do well on their own

Evidence, @joystir59?

joystir59 I obviously failed to get that memo. Please tell me how I haven't done well over the last 9 years of living on my own?

They can be open for a new relationship while still not having dealt with their feelings about the break up. Without letting one interfere with the other as much as it does for us women.

It's funny, because that describes both my ex-wife and the OM's ex-wife to a tee. Within a couple of months, Muggins here was the only one not happily recoupled and moving on. OM's ex even moved in, whilst continuing to post rants at her ex on Facebook.

I don't believe it's a 'man' thing, it's just a personality thing.

From my own circle- my sister is completely incapable of being on her own. The longest gap between relationships (including 2 marriages) has been three weeks. One of my friends, who has said that she has been 'in love' several times over, has a similar gap between relationships.

Contrast this with 2 of my brothers, who were devastated at the end of their relationships, and were steadfastly single for at least 18 months after them.

My XH started a new relationship three months after our 11 year marriage ended. However, it didn't last, and he still doesn't understand why. From what he told me though, it seemed like he was trying to jump too far into it, too quickly- ie expecting the same kind of relationship within a couple of months that you would normally expect to have only after a few years. I think possibly a lot of people make that same mistake.