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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

very nasty thing to say

45 replies

emeraldisle91 · 30/07/2019 01:32

Hi just looking for opinions really as I can be dramatic and perhaps over-sensitive but this comment really bothered me. Me and my partner had a minor disagreement yesterday it was so silly, I like bottled water & wanted to pop to the shop (we were passing one) now he ALWAYS says 'there's a tap at home where it's free' Hmm if i buy bottled water. I just couldn't be arsed to listen to him prattling on so I just walked off. This really pissed him off & he caught up to me & said ' your asking for a slap'
I was / am completely shocked. What do you think I should do or say? TIA

OP posts:
S1naidSucks · 30/07/2019 01:35

You already know the answer. He tells you that you need a slap and if you stay, he will most likely carry through with his threat. The comment was a threat, to put you in your place. Do you really want to hang around to see if actually follows through? You know the fear will always be there in the back of your mind, every time he gets angry, don’t you?

TastyBugLunch · 30/07/2019 01:36

Only if said in an extremely clumsy attempt at humour with a sudden awareness of poor taste and grovelling apologies would this wash with me

How did you respond? Please say it was something like “I beg your pardon?!”

bernietaupinspen · 30/07/2019 01:46

He isn't happy that you disobeyed him.

CherithPonsonby · 30/07/2019 01:50

Not acceptable.

Pinkbonbon · 30/07/2019 01:54

'You're dumped' would be a good shout.

EKGEMS · 30/07/2019 02:00

"And you're asking for a very cold,lonely bed,you bastard!"

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 30/07/2019 02:09

Nice big red flag there that you didn't do as you were told so deserved to be punished for it.
FUck that.
Or rather, don't - leave that to itself and go find someone who is:
• not tighter than a gnat's arse
• able to allow you to make your own choices
• able to discuss things with you without resorting to threats of violence.

Seriously, get away from this one.

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/07/2019 02:16

How long have you been together and lived together? Because I'd be worried he's decided it's been long enough to let his mask slip.

I wouldn't be with a man who spoke about violence that way.

avamiah · 30/07/2019 02:25

Well considering OP hasn’t responded at all that says a lot doesn’t it.
??

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 30/07/2019 02:30

Or maybe she's gone to bed??

avamiah · 30/07/2019 02:45

It was only just over a hour or so ago that OP was on here asking for opinions ?

SaraNade · 30/07/2019 02:47

You're asking for a kick in the nuts. - Say

Leave him before it turns physical and that slap becomes a reality. - Do

Topseyt · 30/07/2019 02:50

I'd say that he is an arsehole who deserves to be dumped.

thequeenoftarts · 30/07/2019 02:53

I hope you replied "and you are looking for a jail sentence"

Shoxfordian · 30/07/2019 05:26

He's a knob
He sounds really tight as well. If you buy your own water then what's it to him? Knob

butterflyFed · 30/07/2019 05:31

Unless slapping is your kink, that is a threat of violence to make you comply. You are in an abusive relationship and need to leave asap.

whiteroseredrose · 30/07/2019 05:55

You sound as bad as each other. Threat of violence is never acceptable but walking off because you think he's 'prattling' is unacceptable too.

YABU for littering the planet with plastic bottles.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 30/07/2019 05:58

He’s told you who he is. Heed that warning. A threat of violence is never acceptable in a relationship no matter what the circumstances.

quirkycutekitch · 30/07/2019 06:32

Both of these statements sound like something a 70 year old would say.

How long have you been together & is he quick to anger?

Timeandtimeagain42 · 30/07/2019 06:49

He responded to the fact that you didn't do as he said by threatening to hit you.... not a good scenario. Are you in a position to end this op? I'd be walking away. If you can't leave immediately I'd still be making plans

Topseyt · 30/07/2019 07:36

You sound as bad as each other. Threat of violence is never acceptable but walking off because you think he's 'prattling' is unacceptable too

Don't talk bollocks. I would have walked off if DH had ever tried to talk to me like that. I certainly wouldn't stay there and take it.

Original poster
emeraldisle91 · 30/07/2019 11:45

Thank you everyone, sorry I haven't replied sooner I had a late shift.
He can be quick to anger and a couple of times during a play-fight he has bruised me. I responded with something like 'try it and see what happens' I think he realised how bad it was & kept saying sorry. We've been together 4 years, lived together 2.

OP posts:
EileenAlanna · 30/07/2019 12:07

He's hovering around on the edge of the violent behaviour towards you that's been rising gradually in your time together."Play fights" - seriously? - where you're being bruised & threats of "slaps". He's gradually pushing the limits & your boundaries & getting you to consider all this "normal".
You can & will do better, so probably best to end it. He's not really a keeper.

madcatladyforever · 30/07/2019 12:09

i can't believe he gets so upset about such a small thing. He sounds very controlling.

kateclarke · 30/07/2019 12:21

He sounds horrible and potentially dangerous.

Get away while you can.

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