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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Cheating husband and 6 month old baby.

28 replies

lawdylawd · 29/07/2019 15:16

I need a handhold desperately. I feel like my whole world is crumbling around me. I am 25 and have a 6 month old baby, my dh who was my world, I love him dearly, I mean in my eyes he was the one. I never once thought he would do what he's done. I found out this morning that he had been talking to a woman, receiving the most explicit and disgusting pictures and videos. When I saw them my heart broke. I don't know why I'm writing this, I just need some words of encouragement, a handhold or something. I'm so broken. 😩

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 29/07/2019 15:21

I'm so sorry this has happened.

You know what you need to do and it won't be easy. He'll probably deny. Then say it's because you didn't show him enough affection since the arrival of your little one. It's all bollox and he's just a pathetic cheater. Find your anger and unleash hell, quite frankly.

You're only 25. You have plenty of time to recover from this. I know it doesn't help much right now. But it WILL get better and you can do this. He has chosen to throw it all away. None of this is your fault.

trickleupeffect · 29/07/2019 15:24

I'm so sorry this happened to you. My heart goes out to you. Internet hugs, if needed

Original poster
lawdylawd · 29/07/2019 15:26

Thank you so much. I have unleashed hell and refuse to accept his pathetic excuses. He's gone along with all of his stuff I just feel broken.

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 29/07/2019 15:28

Well done on unleashing hell! And yes, it probably hurts like hell right now. Do you have support in real life? Friends you can reach out to? Give your little one a cuddle. Flowers

hadthesnip2 · 29/07/2019 15:32

Try not to throw the baby out with the bathwater so to speak. Yes he's hurt you but he's not physically cheated by what you've said - and by the sounds if it its not even an emotional affair. How does he know this woman....? Does he know her irl or is it a webcam type thing.

newmomof1 · 29/07/2019 15:34

@hadthesnip2 he's cheated on her regardless of whether it's physical or not - don't try to justify that.

OP I'm so sorry this has happened to you Thanks

Annasgirl · 29/07/2019 15:35

Oh dear god hadthesnip2 - have you such low standards that this is ok to you? And even if it was, it clearly is not ok to the op.

Op, have you a friend you could call IRL? Or someone you could talk to who would just let you rant now?

BohemianDream · 29/07/2019 16:02

You're not broken, he will be the one who is broken in the end. You will feel heartbroken now but it will pass and you and baby will be happy together.

Hadthesnip2.. How dare you try to downplay this. Men can be so cruel.

Wishing you all the best OP, stay strong Flowers

Pinkmonkeybird · 29/07/2019 16:14

I'm so sorry OP, but you will get through this. Call on support from friends and family. Tell everyone...don't protect him. Start getting legal advice if you are married and mediation with regards to child access. And good for you for getting angry.

Please do NOT bend if he gets in touch with you and starts a sob story...he will invariably try to blame you in some way. It is NOT your fault at all...just his.

Take each day at a time and concentrate on you and your baby. There will be practical things to sort out and there are plenty of people on here to help/give advice on that. Try and eat something simple, keep strong and bash a cushion..pretending it his face. He has betrayed you big style and no longer deserves you...stay strong xxx

bbgxx · 29/07/2019 16:18

Yes he's hurt you but he's not physically cheated by what you've said - and by the sounds if it its not even an emotional affair.

Um what? If you condone these kinds of actions you will continue to be fucked over. She does not need to tolerate this.

hadthesnip2 · 29/07/2019 16:20

Jeez. I'm not defending him but come on. Do you really want to go through a divorce because of this. ?

Please remember OP that there are a lot of women on here who scream ltb at the first opportunity. Take your time & decide what you want to do. Thats all I'll say. My ex wife cheated on me so I know what you are going through.

Bodear · 29/07/2019 18:27

OP, I hope you’re ok and that this thread doesn’t get derailed. What does the next 24 hours look like for you?

user1479305498 · 29/07/2019 18:51

Had the snip, so what would you suggest , a playful rap over the knuckles and a chat along the lines of ‘well whose a little rascal’ believe me I don’t always think LTB but in the case of these married or partnered up twats with a baby acting like a randy17 year old , then I think it’s probably for the best, although it’s clearly up the OP as to whether she thinks she can get past that and ever trust him again, and that’s the issue, you can stay in these circumstances but I doubt you would ever feel the same way about them

Closetbeanmuncher · 29/07/2019 19:05

Jeez. I'm not defending him but come on. Do you really want to go through a divorce because of this. ?

Um, yes because it indicates fundamental dishonesty!?

Closetbeanmuncher · 29/07/2019 19:07

You're still so young OP, plenty of opportunity to meet someone decent.

I hope you know you're worth and dont settle for this trash.

💐

Skittlenommer · 29/07/2019 19:18

I’d be inclined to hear him out. If the woman isn’t otherwise known to him (not someone local, not a colleague etc) and it was just for the purposes of ‘meeting a need’ it’s not much different to porn in my opinion.

Obviously different people will consider different things cheating and it depends on the dynamic of that relationship.

If he’s been chatting to her a lot and has singled her out as someone he likes then I think it crosses a major line.

Original poster
lawdylawd · 29/07/2019 19:42

Thank you everyone, he isn't here I've told him to leave. All his stuff is gone. The woman is question is known to him. I just feel so lonely. All day he has been going on and on texting/calling. I know I won't forgive him, I can't, I'm heartbroken. But I miss him so much, I can't believe he's done this to me. Feeling a little lost but I will remain strong.

OP posts:
Skittlenommer · 29/07/2019 19:56

The fact that she’s known to him is super shitty!! Was thinking it may be possible to move on from it if it was a stranger on the internet but he’s definitely crossed a line by making it personal. What an asshole. Look after you and small!

Alfiemoon1 · 29/07/2019 20:27

So sorry you are going through this take it an hour at a time do you have any real life support you can lean on

Original poster
lawdylawd · 29/07/2019 20:40

I have family yes, they are amazing. And my little boy is really pulling me through this and keeping hat smile on my face. Just going to continue as normal. I have my first night out scheduled since having him this Saturday for my sister birthday, and he isn't about to ruin this for me, so got that to look forward to. Again thank you everyone!

OP posts:
Emmarankin · 30/07/2019 19:44

Hey sorry to hear you're going through this! Back when I had a 20month old and an 8month old i went through something similar. My then husband had been acting weird for a few months, found out he was messaging someone else... i stood by him. I was in an area with no family or friends around me living in army housing as he was military... i done what i thought was best for my family. Well less than 2weeks later he wasoff on deployment to Cyprus... within 2weeks i found myself being a single parent... he had text me while away saying he didnt trust me and it was over and I had 3months to leave the accomodation... i was in absolute bits he didnt trust me yet I didnt leave the house due to extreme social anxiety and extreme pnd. I was alone with no one near me! I begged him to stay to keep thefamily together. But within a month i coped on and realised I was worth more. I thought he was the one at the time... i went through a massive breakdown after and stupidly slept with him one night when he was back from tour... only to end up pregnant witha 3rd child! But over 3yrs later I'm sat with a 3 children and a new partner who accepts me and my mental health, and also my beautiful boys! Its safe to say,yes i did love my husband but the love was not returned and it was not the type of intense understanding love that i feel with my partner now. My ex and i have been split for almost 4yrs and now gping through divorce and i couldnt be happier... well I could if he decided to walk from our kids lives as hes not allowed unsupervised contact but thats a whole other story. Truth is every single persons experience is different and ultimately, although we can share our experience you will do what you think is right for you. So go on your experience and your gut. Good luck sweety and sending hugs

thecatsarecrazy · 30/07/2019 19:47

So sorry you are going through this. Your baby will give you the strength. I so wish I had binned my husband after the 1st time he had treated me like crap. 6 months into our marriage. Now 13 years later nothing has changed except we have 3 children and I'm older. your still young.

Stapelberg · 31/07/2019 03:18

Honey... That's awful but you're clearly a fighter. Well done for standing your ground. You'll be amazed and the inner strenth you will find, the will to do what's best for your little boy will be your driving force. It's great that you've got good family and a support network. Looking back on my own life, I don't know how I managed to work nightshift 4 nights a week, no sleep between shifts because I had nobody to watch my 18 month old toddler during the day as everyone I knew around me was working during the day and I had no family here!
If I can survive that without family for 3 years, you're going to ace this WITH family to help you. Be proud of yourself, you can do this!!

Windmillwhirl · 31/07/2019 05:53

Good for you, op. I'm sure he never expected this to happen. He only has himself to blame. Stay strong, enjoy your night out.

user1481840227 · 31/07/2019 11:53

You have done the right thing. He's a prick.
You are a very strong woman. Amazingly strong...and i'm so glad that you have a great support system.

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