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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He asked about my mother's sex life??! WTF?!!

66 replies

user1467480231 · 27/07/2019 18:42

Went on a date yesterday with a chap I've been chatting to via text for about 6 weeks. He seemed ok and he spoke about his daughter's and showed me photos. They were teens. I then showed him a pic of my daughter who is 22 and he said "woohhaoaooh! She's sexy!". It was a head and shoulder shot so I thought it was a bit bizarre, but tried to put his comment to the back of my mind.
Later on during the lunch, we spoke about our families and he said "so do you think your mum (she's 74) is still sexually active?".
Am I being too prudish or shall I run for the hills?!!!

OP posts:
kalinkafoxtrot45 · 27/07/2019 19:27

You should have walked out the minute he spoke like that about your daughter. Sounds like a sex pest.

N0tbloodylikely · 27/07/2019 19:27

It's a meal for goodness sake, of course you should have left when he said that about your dd.

HollowTalk · 27/07/2019 19:30

I would have left as soon as he said my daughter was sexy. Why on earth did you stay then? As for the comment about your mother - if that's true he's a sick fuck. If it's not true, you are.

Singlenotsingle · 27/07/2019 19:32

Write this one off to experience OPSad

Chune · 27/07/2019 19:33

What? Mid meal in a crowded restaurant?

Err yes!

IncrediblySadToo · 27/07/2019 19:37

I then showed him a pic of my daughter who is 22 and he said "woohhaoaooh! She's sexy!"

That’s a horrible thing to say to a Mum and to a woman you’re dating whether it’s her daughter or a random 22 yo.

I’m sure most men would notice she’s attractive when they meet her, but ‘sexy’ is inappropriate when you’re dating her mum

As for the question about YOUR mum’s sex life FFS- that’s out of line totally. Maybe he’s after the trio?!

NottonightJosepheen · 27/07/2019 19:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NottonightJosepheen · 27/07/2019 19:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SouthernComforts · 27/07/2019 19:44

I 100% believe this story, give him a second chance! Do you have any sister's he might like too?

Bookworm4 · 27/07/2019 19:45

OP is a regular poster not a man/troll

Tryingtogetitright · 27/07/2019 19:57

Yuck! Definitely don't see him again!

I would have stayed til the end of the meal out of politeness, not wanting to cause a scene, not wanting any bad feelings, and pudding being my favourite course! So I don't think you did anything unusual there.

Onwards and upwards!

Tavannach · 27/07/2019 20:03

The comment about my mother was just weird in the extreme

The one about your daughter should have sent you out the door, but you let him get away with that so he was moved to find out just how far he could go with you.

I would have stayed til the end of the meal out of politeness

It's not polite to let a sex pest think it's okay to talk like that.

Bananalanacake · 27/07/2019 20:07

if it was me I would be so taken aback I would make up bollocks just to get back at him. "actually she's never had sex as she took a vow of chastity at 16. she had me by artificial insemination".

category12 · 27/07/2019 20:13

That's the joy of dating - you get a weirdo, you excuse yourself to the loo and never go back. Add this exit strategy to your repertoire.

AntonsMumsTeeth · 27/07/2019 20:17

I find it weird your thread title is about the comment about your mum. WTF about the creepy one calling your daughter sexy? Ugh.

It's tragic that you felt you had to stay for a meal in a busy restaurant out of politeness rather than just get the hell away from him pronto. Ugh.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 27/07/2019 20:59

Yes, mid meal.
Say you’re leaving, cancel what you ordered and haven’t had yet, pay and go.
What would he have to say for you to leave of that wasn’t bad enough?

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 27/07/2019 21:00

And what tavannach said - he saw you were an easy target after not reacting to the first (much worse) comment.

Fonduefrolics · 27/07/2019 21:04

There’s ways and means of complimenting a parent on the attractiveness of their children and ‘woah, she’s sexy’ isn’t one of them. So much porn these days is along the lines of sexy stepdaughter Angry ... and the comment about your mother too...he wouldn’t be getting any family introductions or indeed a second date. My advice would be ditch him and don’t invest 6 weeks chatting to anyone next time as it builds a false sense of intimacy.

WipeYourFeetOnTheRhythmRug · 27/07/2019 21:11

“It's tragic that you felt you had to stay for a meal in a busy restaurant out of politeness rather than just get the hell away from him pronto.“

“Tragic” 🙄

I get it, OP. I would have stayed and made my excuses to leave as soon as possible. I think you’ve made it clear you won’t be seeing him again so I don’t think you have problems with boundaries.

K1ssIt · 27/07/2019 21:25

Sexual comments about my Daughter, regardless of age, would have been the point I got up and left. That alone is a deal breaker.

AntonsMumsTeeth · 27/07/2019 21:32

Of course it's fucking tragic that women are expected to be polite and not make a scene in public.

If OPs boundaries were fine, there'd be no threadConfused

greasyspooncafe · 27/07/2019 22:03

I'm puzzled how you can text someone for six weeks before a date and share photos of anyone in your family with someone who frankly is a stranger.

I personally think you're at fault.

He's actually irrelevant in this discussion.

greasyspooncafe · 27/07/2019 22:07

Sorry that wasn't clear.

He's a stranger til you meet him. Even then he's still a stranger. Sharing anything with a stranger is risky.

I have no idea how you can text someone you don't know for six weeks without boundaries being blurred.

I think boundaries are Important and it's up to you to set them. So stop sharing personal information / photos/ detail about yourself or your family. And stop blaming him for taking advantage

Bezalelle · 27/07/2019 22:11

Filthy wee skitter.

Jaffacakesaremyfave · 27/07/2019 22:47

Urgh, horrible misogynistic creep!!!

Unfortunately guys like this are good at appearing normal to the outside world. They work hard to keep up their facade but will ultimately slip up sooner or later.

You have dodged a massive bullet here OP. If you are ever in this situation again, it would be perfectly reasonable to walk out, no matter how awkward it feels to cause a 'scene' by giving him a piece of your mind and walk out.

Sometimes these situations are so shocking, it can take a few moments to process what is actually happening. Especially if you have been chatting for a while and he did a complete 180 in person. I don't get why the OP is being criticised so harshly. We all can have delayed reactions sometimes and if you are a people pleaser, it can be really uncomfortable and difficult to assert boundaries.

OP, well done for getting rid of this prick sharpish!