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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP was acting irrational and I left.

44 replies

Whatisnormalhere · 25/07/2019 15:41

I am 26, DP is 21. We have a 2 year old son. Been together 3 years. I am autistic. My DP allowed himself to run out of antidepressants. He hadn't taken them for over a week and then the withdrawal symptoms started on monday. Which was the day he was meant to go get a new prescription at the GP.

I couldn't drive him cause our car was broken, we had both been up late with our Toddler who isn't sleeping through out the night. So I was super tired when he woke me up to get the bus with him.
I had told him the night before I'd get the bus with him but I was now too tired.
His response to me falling back asleep was to wake me up again and tell me he's no longer going cause it's too late. Then said he'd take my antidepressants when i wasn't looking... I'm on a different one to him.

He then watched YouTube on his PC very loudly in the room our toddler was sleeping in.
I think he's not going so try to go back to sleep.
He comes back and just glares at me.

Long story short... he has a meltdown at this point and tells me he was lying, he still wants to go and he needs me to get the bus with him. I tell him no I'm tired. He walks off and starts self harming by banging his head into the wall... then he comes and kicks a basket into our bed which scares me... I tell him off... then he tells me how awful he feels and that he wants me to take him. All while still being rude to me..

At this point I tell him why would I go with him when he is acting psycho...he was scaring me.

Okay this isn't a short story at all.

He gets upset and starts crying, lays in bed with me and tells me how I don't care about him... says he needs the meds to act normal. I feel bad now that I'm fully awake. Ask him if what time he wants to go. He ignores me and goes to drink red wine on the couch... I get myself ready to take him and our toddler. I tell him I'm ready, he ignores me. Then I say I'm still going out... I wanted to get away from him.

So I pack my bag and get my toddler and go catch the train to my mums which is about a 3 hour trip on the train. I text him telling him I'll be at my mums for 2 days.

He then starts threatening to kill himself. Says I abandoned him... i took his son away... tells me he is going to od. I freak out and tell his friend who lives nearby to go check on him.

He doesn't od but says he really wanted to cause I broke his trust, I ran away...

I just needed a break... and I was afraid for mine and our sons safely. I didn't want our son to see his dad like that.

Anyway, I just want to know. Was I in the wrong? I also have depression and find it very hard to deal with DP when he is like this. He's like an adult having a tantrum and I hate when he stonewalls me...

OP posts:
Luckingfovely · 25/07/2019 15:47

You need to end this relationship now, and permanently.

Weightquery · 25/07/2019 15:48

Why? Why why why is their a child in this equation? Sad

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 25/07/2019 15:51

Please end this relationship permanently. He needs proper professional help and you need to keep yourself and your son safe.

If he is seriously threatening suicide, call 999.

No you were absolutely right to take your son and leave. He is trying to emotionally blackmail you. He is irresponsible about his medication; that is not your fault! That's on him.

He needs to sort himself out. Does he have a MH crisis team?

RRJR · 25/07/2019 15:52

Fucksake

Depression or not he’s a manipulative arsehole. He had no intention of harming himself. For the sake of your child’s, and your own happiness and safety, have my first LTB.

No time for people like him.

AfterSchoolWorry · 25/07/2019 15:52

Stay at your Mothers.

Was he drinking wine in the morning?

Pinkbonbon · 25/07/2019 15:55

Don't go back. He has more problems than depression. Things like threatening to kill himself and throwing tantrums and stonewalling is indicative of a personality disorder such as borderline pd and no amount of medication fixes that. Not that that is necessarily the case but he is an emotionally manipulative big baby either way and not safe to have a kid around.

You are a parent to one toddler, your son. You need to end things permanently with this man and keep as much distance between you as possible. You did right asking his friend to check on him. He is not your responsibility, neither is his mental health.

WhatTheAbsoluteFuck · 25/07/2019 15:56

@Pinkbonbon took the words out of my mouth.

81Byerley · 25/07/2019 16:24

Please, neither of you are in a fit state to deal with your own mental health issues. You need to separate. It is hard enough to deal with a partner with MH issues if you are fit and well yourself. The fact is, you are not fit and well. Can you stay at your Mum's? His depression is absolutely no excuse to try to blackmail you by threatening suicide. That is despicable, and you can't stay with him just in case he commits suicide if you don't. If he says it again, just tell him that you can't have your child round a suicidal man, and if he feels like that he should contact the Samaritans. It may be a good idea for you to talk to them as well. They are not just there for the suicidal. you are going to need all your strength, but put yourself and your child first, please.

Bigmango · 25/07/2019 17:06

Have you told your mum the full story? Is she supportive? You need to focus on you and your son. It’s sad your oh is having mh issues but he is also a dick. You need to leave him and look after yourself x

Hidingwhoiam · 25/07/2019 17:31

You both need to not be together. Both of you need to get well for your children and that not going to happen for both of you if you stay with him.

Do you have a social worker or anything you can ask for some practical support?

Dandelion1993 · 25/07/2019 17:35

Stay at your mums. You and your child don't need this.

The best thing to do is for you and your child to stay with your mum while you find somewhere safe for you both to live away from your dp.

SummerInTheVillage · 25/07/2019 17:42

Never go back, OP. You're free now, keep it that way.

ems137 · 25/07/2019 17:52

It seems like everything he says and does is a lie for attention from you. It's like having another toddler. I don't think I could cope with a partner like that as well as children. You've got to put your child first and remove yourselves from the bullshit.

MitziK · 25/07/2019 17:55

Stay at your mums. He's not worth the abuse - nobody is.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 25/07/2019 17:58

Stay at your mum's. This guy is far too flakey to be a partner, let alone a dad. He's not safe.

ThatCurlyGirl · 25/07/2019 18:13

His behaviour makes him reliant on you for all his emotional needs, which leaves no room for YOURS

In the midst of my lowest depression I too was totally self centred and would say (because I thought it was true) that I would kill myself if 'abandoned'.

I hit rock bottom when everyone had walked away, which meant I then got medical support from professionals to give me the tools to rebuild my life.

I know now it was totally unfair of me to make someone else the centre of my universe and therefore need their constant reassurance.

Looking back and reading stories like his, I realise that when I was at my lowestI wastnt trying to be manipulative but fuck me I was!

Get out and remembered his happiness is NOT your responsibility and you've tried many times to help him.

The bare minimum he could do is see the doctor and keep taking the meds and he hasn't even followed through on that.

He's a kid OP, don't take on a role as his mum you have your own kid to worry about Thanks

Cherrysoup · 25/07/2019 18:15

Depression doesn't cause you to revert to being 5. Why the hell couldn't he go alone? Seems he has fuck all consideration for you or your child.

justasking111 · 25/07/2019 18:15

What a mature young woman you are. You have done the right thing, you cannot fix him, your child needs you. Tell your mum.

WishICouldThinkOfAGoodName · 25/07/2019 18:19

You need to leave this relationship, it is not normal and it will affect your mental health badly. You are young and can live a wonderful life free of this man.

QueenofallIsee · 25/07/2019 18:25

Leave him, this is abuse and it will escalate. Please, you have a child to protect

MoseShrute · 25/07/2019 18:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FriarTuck · 25/07/2019 18:32

But how much of this is due to withdrawal from the medication? I'm not saying that OP should stay with him, but if he's fine on medication, and fine if he comes off it gradually as you're supposed to, then I'd be thinking about giving him another chance IF he took his medication properly. And that's a condition - break it and you leave. It's like saying that an old person who gets dehydrated and acts aggressive should be abandoned - no, they need hydration to get them back to normal, but then they need to be careful to keep hydrated (and if they're a shit normally then you act accordingly with contact).

Feelingwalkedover · 25/07/2019 18:40

Your dp is a fucking child
And he was when you met .huge age gap ,men are not as mature at that age ,your dealing with a child as well as the child you gave birth to.

iMatter · 25/07/2019 19:14

Run a fucking mile

You are only 26

Get out. Now

Otherwise you've got 50 plus years of this shit ahead of you

ChevalierTialys · 25/07/2019 19:40

It won't get better. Please stay with your mum and don't go back to him.

You cannot be responsible for his mental health and that is what he is trying to force you into. That is a stick he will beat you with for years if you let him - please don't let him. Your child will suffer from this.