DP was acting irrational and I left.

[Whatisnormalhere]

I am 26, DP is 21. We have a 2 year old son. Been together 3 years. I am autistic. My DP allowed himself to run out of antidepressants. He hadn't taken them for over a week and then the withdrawal symptoms started on monday. Which was the day he was meant to go get a new prescription at the GP.

I couldn't drive him cause our car was broken, we had both been up late with our Toddler who isn't sleeping through out the night. So I was super tired when he woke me up to get the bus with him.
I had told him the night before I'd get the bus with him but I was now too tired.
His response to me falling back asleep was to wake me up again and tell me he's no longer going cause it's too late. Then said he'd take my antidepressants when i wasn't looking... I'm on a different one to him.

He then watched YouTube on his PC very loudly in the room our toddler was sleeping in.
I think he's not going so try to go back to sleep.
He comes back and just glares at me.

Long story short... he has a meltdown at this point and tells me he was lying, he still wants to go and he needs me to get the bus with him. I tell him no I'm tired. He walks off and starts self harming by banging his head into the wall... then he comes and kicks a basket into our bed which scares me... I tell him off... then he tells me how awful he feels and that he wants me to take him. All while still being rude to me..

At this point I tell him why would I go with him when he is acting psycho...he was scaring me.

Okay this isn't a short story at all.

He gets upset and starts crying, lays in bed with me and tells me how I don't care about him... says he needs the meds to act normal. I feel bad now that I'm fully awake. Ask him if what time he wants to go. He ignores me and goes to drink red wine on the couch... I get myself ready to take him and our toddler. I tell him I'm ready, he ignores me. Then I say I'm still going out... I wanted to get away from him.

So I pack my bag and get my toddler and go catch the train to my mums which is about a 3 hour trip on the train. I text him telling him I'll be at my mums for 2 days.

He then starts threatening to kill himself. Says I abandoned him... i took his son away... tells me he is going to od. I freak out and tell his friend who lives nearby to go check on him.

He doesn't od but says he really wanted to cause I broke his trust, I ran away...

I just needed a break... and I was afraid for mine and our sons safely. I didn't want our son to see his dad like that.

Anyway, I just want to know. Was I in the wrong? I also have depression and find it very hard to deal with DP when he is like this. He's like an adult having a tantrum and I hate when he stonewalls me...

He's behaving like an autistic person who is experiencing withdrawal symptoms from anxiety medication. This is often SSRIs which are also antidepressants.

He may not be autistic. He may be a controlling arse. Only you know that.

Whatever the root of the behaviour, you did the right thing by going away for a while. It isn't ok for you to be responsible for getting him to the GP. He needs to find a way not to run out of medication in the future and get some help to manage his behaviour so it doesn't impact on you and your child.

Thank you to everyone who responded.
I'm ashamed to say I had already gone back to him when I started this thread. I was just doubting if I had handled it the wrong way cause my DP talked me into believing I had...

My mum is a great support. She thinks I did the right thing too... she never told me to leave him though. All her past relationships were abusive, including the one with my father. So she's the type to stay for the kids... I hated that growing up...

Anyway, I regret coming back. He's back on his medication. So he's not acting as irrational anymore. But he gave me the long crying feel sorry for me speech. Still accusing me of abandoning him... I tried explaining several times I was scared for mine and DS safety. He just says he will never hurt us... I don't believe this honestly. You never know what someone is capable of.
I feel he doesn't listen to me when I explain how stuff he does makes me feel. He just talks about himself. It's all about his feelings.

I agree, he is very immature and codependent. I'm not very independent myself, I don't have a job. I still lived with my mum before I moved to live with him in a granny flat next to his parents house.
But I can get the bus alone..

I have so much to say... someone mentioned borderline personality disorder and I think he has it. I've never heard of it before but I looked it up and he has all the symptoms. I even told him about it and he thinks he might have it too. He might be seeing a doctor about it...

But I think it's too late.
I don't want to be with him anymore.... the main reason I went back is because Friday was our sons 2nd birthday. I didn't want to keep him away, also I was running out of clean clothes...and I was planning to get my car fixed, got it towed to mechanic while ate mums with DPs help, but can't afford to fix it..

Anyway, I got sick once I was back home. The DSs birthday comes along, I'm sick so can't take him out. DP gets a new video game and just plays that literally from the moment he wakes up to the moment he goes to sleep... does give our son any attention or watch him open his birthday presents. All he's worried about is the game and he keeps talking to me about it like I care...

I was so upset he spent DSs bday just playing a game and ignoring us. I told him I wish I had stayed at my mums. His response is to ignore me at first, I asked if he heard me, he says yes but he wants to save it for later because he doesn't want to get depressed...
He doesn't care that I'm depressed and sick. He's only thinking of himself...

DS was fine, he's too young to understand it was his birthday so was happy at home. But I feel so bad for him, he deserves a dad that cares you know. And one day he will notice cause DP does this whenever he gets a new video game... he has also been unemployed most of the time I've known him if anyone is wondering where he gets the time....

We have a lot of problems in our relationship...

DS got sick too after his birthday. DP was a bit helpful... DS is okay now.
DP wasn't very caring or thoughtful while the both of us were sick. He was still playing his game. This annoys me to no end... he could also be autistic, I dunno.

I want to leave. But i don't know where to start.

Oops, I meant to say he didn't pay our son any attention on this birthday.

Any advice for leaving him would be much appreciated.
I want to go stay with my mum again and she says it is okay, I just don't know how to go about it. I also need to be sure it is what I really want, I mean he will never trust me again if I run off with DS a second time right....
I feel I should tell him this time but I know that won't go well and he'll try to talk me into staying.

Mind boggles.
You say he isn’t behaving mature. Well, he is barely an adult.
Why would you have a child with a teenager when neither of you are well enough to take care of yourselves - not financially, not physically.

Too late to change some of it. But not too late to think of what’s best for your son.
Can you not go back to your mother? And think of a way to give your son some normality in his life?
Are you getting medication and help you need?
Do you have a plan for getting your life sorted and getting a job so that you could support your son and yourself? Your bf clearly can’t be that - he has way to many issues himself.
You need to start behaving as a grown up.

With almost 100% certainty he ha/ Borderline Personality Disorder. You are right, the way he sees the world is that he is a victim and everything revolves around him. It’s your responsibility in his mind to prove your love for him. Your needs will always be after his needs and wants. He will never take responsibility for his actions. He is damaged & dangerous to yours and the children’s emotional and potentially physical wellbeing. He is not in intense therapy for BPD, he is undiagnosed and these people are a bottomless pit of despair. Please don’t waste your life trying to help this person.

Some may say I am harsh, but once you have personally been burnt by a borderline the warning signs are more obvious to spot.

Borderline personality disorder is not a mental illness it is a personality disorder (essentially: who.he.is). So it can't be fixed even if he gets help.

You have to put one foot in front of the other, that's how you leave. I know it will be tough but you cannot have your little one around him. And FYI, he already doesn't trust you - because his kind never fully trust anybody.

Melanie Tonia Evans does good YouTube videos on narcissists (similar to BPD in many ways) might be worth checking out.

Pack and leave when he is out, to avoid confrontation.

Leave him!!!!!

My 9 year old behaves more responsibly and adult than your dp! Why on earth would he need his tired girlfriend and toddler to come with him on the bus?? And as for the rest...leave him and don't look back.

things like threatening to kill himself and throwing tantrums and stonewalling is indicative of a personality disorder such as borderline pd and no amount of medication fixes that.

Medication absolutely won't ''cure'' someone with BPD but it can definitely help alleviate some of the extremes in mood and the more depressive feelings that go along with the disorder - low self-esteem and feelings of emptiness etc.
Although tbh you'd need therapy designed for BPD (like Mentlisation-based therapy or DBT) to really help. It cannot be cured but the symptoms can be managed.

You have two children, op, not one ds and a dp.

You are not "running off" with his ds. You are being a responsible, good parent and are removing the child from an abusive, harmful untenable situation.

That is GREAT you can go to your mum's. Go. You are NOT responsible for an adults feelings. He is emotionally blackmail g you by threatening to od. It is HIS fault for intentionally not taking his medicine. It is not safe to have a child around a volatile adult like that - it doesn't matter its the child's father.

The pregnancy wasn't planned... we were 3 months into the relationship when it happened so I didn't know him well. There is a 4 year age gap between us. He's turning 22 in October.... I didn't want to terminate and will admit that I was in love with this idiot back then which blinded me a lot to the stupid stuff he does. I'm no longer in love with him. He grates on my nerves every day.

I don't regret having my son but I should have left his father a long time ago.

I think I will go back to my mums and try to sort out my life, for my son and myself. I know I will need to find work..

I never wanted our life to be like this. I wanted it to be different. But he can't give me that cause he has too many issues. And I have my own issues I need to sort out.

I do feel stupid for staying with him for so long. I'm afraid he'll kill himself when I leave.

Sounds like he most definitely does have BPD... so I can't help him. I always knew there was something wrong with him emotionally.

A medicated for a sociopath or narcissist is still a sociopath or narcissist. Borderlines are cluster b personalities too. There seems to be more sympathy for them than the others. I don't know why, they have the same shitty personally as the other two. Sure you could drug him up and talk him into long-term specialised therapy but he'd still be a knob xD so best just get out of there.

Sociopaths and Narcs cannot care for others, Borderlines can. That's a key difference in ability. It is of course up to you if you want to stay or go, whether you think treatment would help him or not, its not a healthy relationship at all as it stands and you were right to go to you mothers.

The key thing is he will probably be in denial he has BPD if he has been told he is 'depressed' so that might not be a battle worth having. He needs to accept the issues and tackle them if he stands a chance.

Nah, i think borderlines just fool themselves into thinking they care for others. But actually they just pathologically need others to be around in order to distract them from their broken sense of self. Only difference is they genuinely believe their own bad acting.

Ok. I disagree with you. Those with BPD are emotionally immature, usually because their emotional needs weren't met during childhood, they were abused, or/and they were never taught appropriate ways of regulating their emotions - this is why they can act like toddlers, having meltdowns etc, they are, for want of a better expression, emotionally stunted in that repsect. So, if effort is put in they can work on themselves, understand why they behave the way they do, and try to learn how to regulate themselves etc. But, that's not an excuse, OP does not have to put up with abusive behaviour from somebody who isn't willing to work at it, and even if he was willing she is under no obligation to stay and go through that or put her DC through that.

Really, I don't think relationships with somebody with untreated BPD is a good idea fullstop. They need to learn to stand on their own two feet first.

Why? Why why why is their a child in this equation?

Because people who choose not to have children are just sooooo selfish.