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Original poster

Reciprocated crush and I’m in a committed relationship

48 replies

Juliasings · 25/07/2019 14:27

Hello,
This is my first post so please accept my apologies for lack of acronyms!
So, I met a young man through work about 8 months ago and fancied him straight away but thought nothing more of it. However recently we started texting, just innocuous stuff, happy birthday, how’s your hols, that sort of thing then it came to a head at the weekend, he was very
Suggestive over a text, I reciprocated, we had both been drinking and basically lost our filters. I was so excited and happy to be looked at sexually by someone else, however, my LTB came home and found the texts open on my phone and all hell broke loose. I quite rightly told my secret crush not to contact me, delete me from social media, and block my LTB - which he has. No I’m crushing harder than ever, obsessing why he hasn’t got in contact with me despite me telling him not to. All I want it to listen to the chemicals in my body and the electric physical attraction we both felt and and go get that man!
On top of this, I was initially in the doghouse with my LTB but now we have having the most mind blowing sex everyday, like when we first got together! I don’t understand what’s going on, I’m super horny for both my LTB and my crush! Help!

OP posts:
ohyesivenamechanged · 25/07/2019 14:31

Knowone likes a cheat ...

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 25/07/2019 14:35

q

Original poster
Juliasings · 25/07/2019 14:39

Yes that's true, but no one's cheated in this scenario.... is honesty a problem? I'm just being honest about my feelings and after some constructive advice and insight into the human condition. Is this something you're able to offer?

OP posts:
Hidingwhoiam · 25/07/2019 14:49

I would consider that cheating.

Often after something like this, sex is good for a while. Look up hysterical bonding.

But all to soon that fades and then he realises he cant trust you. And he cant, because you would do it all again if you could.

Rubbinghimsweetly2 · 25/07/2019 14:52

You need to grow the fuck up sweetheart.

You think you can choose now but your boyfriend will soon crash and you'll be back in the doghouse.

Plipplopbop · 25/07/2019 14:57

You cheated, and yes, it's hysterical bonding, it will wear off.

Original poster
Juliasings · 25/07/2019 15:05

If not cheating, it's a physical attraction that was felt by both parties, that's my enlightened view anyway, and it's not been acted on as far as concerned.
I will look up hysterical bonding as I think this is a helpful and insightful into what's going on with my partner. Yes, he doesn't want me to leave him, nor do I want to and we have agreed to to go couples therapy together because he has recognised that we have some behaviours in our relationship that are cyclic and possibly unhealthy that may have pushed me to reciprocate a persons advances.

OP posts:
ohyesivenamechanged · 25/07/2019 15:07

The thought is there so it is cheating . I only have eyes for my husband

RhubarbTea · 25/07/2019 15:09

It blatantly is cheating, love.

ohyesivenamechanged · 25/07/2019 15:10

You are messaging another person that is not your partner in a suggestive way and you "like" him of course it's cheating

ohyesivenamechanged · 25/07/2019 15:11

Feel sorry for your partner he should definitely get rid of you

Original poster
Juliasings · 25/07/2019 15:12

It's really interesting to see that people think a text is cheating. I guess we have different ideas of what is acceptable behaviour, unacceptable behaviour and full on cheating. It was certainly unacceptable behaviour but I don't
consider it cheating. I don't feel guilty for listening to my body for a spilt second and feeling the adrenaline rush. It's human and normal to have sexual feelings for other people. I am only interested in what I can learn from this and grow.

OP posts:
MashedSpud · 25/07/2019 15:14

So if your bf did that it would be fine?

Fairylea · 25/07/2019 15:16

That would absolutely be cheating to both me and my husband.

LittleSwede · 25/07/2019 15:17

Look up Emotional affair OP...

Hidingwhoiam · 25/07/2019 15:17

that's my enlightened view anyway, and it's not been acted on as far as concerned.

Bollcks in it enlightened. Nor is 'listening to your body acting in a adreline rush'.

It's simple. You didnt want your partner to see the messages. He just found them. You hurt him and you know it woild hurt him.

Yet you dont care or respect him enough to stop yourself. You are not a victim of your fanny. Your fanny doesnt make decisions for you.

You betrayed your partner. So for me it's the same as cheating. Do could ook at any of my conversations. One or 2 worth my best friend might bother him (she is his sister and he doesnt need to know alot of what we talk about) but non would make him feel betrayed.

Original poster
Juliasings · 25/07/2019 15:20

Good question-thanks.
I've considered this, I'm be upset don't get me wrong but I am an open minded person so would definitely try to get to the why, rather than the when and where. I totally understand that we are all human.
I thought I was the majority, but it appears open mindedness is in the minority according this this post. How intriguing!

OP posts:
isabella1991 · 25/07/2019 15:22

You should let your boyfriend go because if he's not enough for you then there's no point stringing him along. Something will happen, if not with this guy then with another

BarbedBloom · 25/07/2019 15:22

It is cheating for me and my husband.

Original poster
Juliasings · 25/07/2019 15:22

My fanny has not much to do with this.... anyone who has been in serious crush knows it's the stomach, the 'second brain' that rules those chemical rushes.
anxiety and lust are Very similar.

OP posts:
Plipplopbop · 25/07/2019 15:37

Yes, it's natural to feel a connection to others, most of us in long term relationships have experienced crushes but to sext someone is a conscious choice, you could have fantasized about him, indulged your urges in private. No, you talked to him in a way that you knew would be upsetting for your partner because your fanny gallops were more important that your partner's feelings. I think it's the others with the enlightened view, you seem to definitely have the lights off.

Original poster
Juliasings · 25/07/2019 15:55

Ok thanks for all your helpful and unhelpful comments. I actually feel really a lot better about myself. Thank you for providing a glimpse into the Jeremy Kyle generation, it's seems a very black and white, toddler like perspective to be in. Clearly this will be my first and last post on Mumsnet... big brother's thought police has definitely got to a large majority of you if you can accuse so belligerently and disregard the human condition so easily. I feel sorry for some of you as you mustn't have experienced real lust, love or sexual desire to have any clue what's going
on here.
Thanks for making me feel really positive about who I as a person! Keep those adrenaline filled stomachs tightly locked away.... wouldn't want you to have any real feelings now! Shocking.

OP posts:
femidom12 · 25/07/2019 16:05

Cool story bro, 6 weeks till school holidays over.

litterbird · 25/07/2019 16:10

It was an emotional affair OP. Google 'Limerence" and it will give you all the info you need as why you feel like you feel for your OM. Try and rebuild what you can if you can and learn a good lesson from this.

Puddington · 25/07/2019 16:10

lol