My ex is subject to a non-molestation order after a long series of abusive stuff including fake suicide threats etc, culminating in a death threat earlier this year which was the final straw and which led to him being arrested and charged. I was granted the non-molestation order in May for a year. He has since breached the order, was charged and found guilty and was sentenced to community service etc.
Ex is allowed contact with my DD through a third party only (in this case my childminder, who has some previous experience of this and is totally reliable and trustworthy). Ex is constantly pushing my DD to get me to "allow" direct contact to take place (ie without the supervision of the childminder, which in practice means I would have to do a handover to him as there's no-one else who can). I've held firm on this until now even though my DD is applying lots of pressure to be allowed to see him. He's also done a lot of unhelpful and spiteful stuff such as making spurious allegations to social services about me.
Childminder is off on holiday and can't provide the support so there's currently no way for DD to see her dad for a couple of weeks. Technically the non-mol doesn't apply to me so there's nothing to stop me handing her over to him for an hour's contact and picking her up afterwards. I'm obviously loathe to do this, partly for my own security, partly because of the precedent it sets with him, and partly because my lawyer has advised me not to as it could undermine the injunction if anything happened in the future.
My DD had a meltdown this evening about pretty much everything and when I got to the bottom of it it was basically about wanting to see her dad. She phoned him and he knowing I was in the room in the background begged me to allow her to see him. My DD was then desperately desperately upset and railed at me for blocking her from seeing her dad.
I'm absolutely at my wits' end. I know allowing contact to happen is the wrong thing to do but I'm terrified of damaging my daughter -- she already thinks that I'm the bad guy and that I'm cruelly keeping her away from her dad. If I block contact again she will hate me forever.
Should I cave just this once and chaperone her to a meeting? Is there any way of moving this forward constructively? I can't see how I can justify doing this but I also can't live with the guilt of what its doing to her and seeing her so upset. I've always been absolutely determined for our relationship not to have an impact on her and for us to put her welfare over our own.