Broken

[brokenandhumiliated]

Forgive me for posting here but I see this topic has more traffic.

My H has upped and left me this afternoon. We have been through a rough patch but I thought things were looking up. We had a lovely day out with the 3 dc yesterday. He cooked and we dtd, after months.

Then this morning he had a demonic rage come over him and he literally cleared the house of his belongings and cleared out my purse (unbeknownst to me also the joint account)

I'm a SAHM, have nothing to my name (rented home), so I humiliated myself and begged him for some money on the phone to feed the dc for today, he came to the park and threw pennies at me through his car window.

I have nothing, I'm in debt to the tune of £900 and I can't seem to pull myself together.

Bump

God how awful of him. Anyone who would see you short like that with 3 kids should fuck off anyway.
Do you have any family or friends to help?
I'd go to council first thing tomorrow with any paperwork that may be relevant.
See what they can do.
Also. Call the CMS - they will contact him
About maintence

Good luck

I’d get this moved to the relationships board, you’ll get lots of support and advice there

If you have friends, ask them for help. A good friend will absolutely help you and be glad to. Could you open a new bank account tomorrow, so at least any money you set up can stay yours. If you get tax credits, call them and get the money paid into new bank account, same with child benefit etc. Sooner you act, sooner you’ll have that stability.
If you owe money, don’t panic. You can write to companies and explain your predicament. They will hold off and can stop interest if you ask. Once you’re sorted, you can offer a small payment to begin paying debts off but still manage day to day living.
It will be ok. Big hugs to you x

@snackarella thank you for replying.

He works cash in hand so I won't get a penny in maintenance, he knows this. I suspect that's why he works this way.

Thankfully I can go stay with my mum for the duration of the summer holidays. What is really grinding on me is that he will know I'm struggling and he won't give a damn. And he be out blowing his money like there's no tomorrow. He can be very generous with peers when out, we're talking restaurants and drinks, always on him. Meanwhile I had to feed my children cereal before bed, and toast and fruit for lunch.

@Ozziewozzie

If I write to my creditors would that affect any future lending?

Get a new bank account and apply for any benefits straight away. You may be able to get a crisis loan from council or visit a local food bank to get through next few days at least . Good luck

Citizens advice will help re creditors and debt, they’re very understanding.

So he stole from you? Well in that case you report the theft to the Police and ring the Bank and inform them you did not give consent for him to do this. Put a block on all cards, and cancel any DD in his name.

Whatever you do please do not beg him to come back. Ring CMS and the DWP and start as you mean to go on.

He clearly planned this. Do not let him back, change the locks. What a monster he is.

We're going to move this one to Relationships, as requested by the OP.

Some of the money was his wages which normally pays for the food shop and the rest was what was remaining of my child benefit.

I've already blocked the cards

OP I’m so sorry. But I mainly want to say what a huge cunt he is.

Go stay with your mum, OP. She will give you the security you need at this fragile time and I’m sure she won’t let you and the kids go hungry. I moved back in with mine and she even does the occasional load of laundry for me!

I just can't wrap my head around how he can walk away and say he wants nothing to do with me or the kids. I've never cried so much in my life. I look at my children and I feel guilt, and upset for them because as things stand, they will not have their daddy in their lives.

Just a few moments ago I've received a text saying he's requested a change of number from his phone provider and not to bother calling his family as they're nor interested.

I spoke to his sister earlier who has always been lovely to me, but she's basically told me her hands are tied.

Good riddance to him OP, he is a vile human being. Personally I would be inclined to report him if he's working dodgy 'cash in hand' jobs. It won't get you any money from him but looks like you won't anyway.
Can you afford the rent on your own with the benefits you will get? If not, go and stay with your mum (do this for a while anyway) and have absolutely NO contact with him at all.

Lots of men do it (and women too) and a lot of them never look back but it’s still early days. People learn to co-parent. My DD has no father I think she has a pretty nice life regardless

My ex acted very similarly.

As per pps tomorrow:

Report theft/inappropriate removal of funds to police and bank

Open a new bank account (NOT with the same bank in fact ideally not even within the same banking group - because you're married and there is small print which can mean your funds can be removed to pay his debts)

Contact council to get council tax single person discount, and also to make emergency appointment with your local welfare rights office, which most councils have and are in my experience the best in advising on benefits and getting things moving! They can also help with emergency grants and food bank referral.

Contact child benefit and tax credits office to get these paid into YOUR account, AND to change your child benefit payments to weekly if not already the case so you're not waiting too long for a payment

Contact dwp to claim any benefits you are eligible for ASAP

Regardless what you THINK he will do contact cms to at least try and chase his arse for cm

Contact EVERYONE you have debts or bills with to inform them of circumstances. In most cases they can help and even if not keeping people properly informed is always advisable. Some may even have tariffs/discounts for single parents. CANCEL any bills where you're paying for anything solely his. Eg phone, car insurance

Do you rent or own your home? In who's name are other assets? Do you have things you can sell/pawn?

You're in a shit situation no doubt but it can be dealt with.

@Graphista

I'll contact the bank tomorrow. Same for CMS.

Unfortunately I have nothing worth selling/pawning. I have a small car, just a little run around that I can't even afford to fuel up. The boys had a games console but he took that. My wedding ring was sold last year to pay for a new car for him, he always promised he would replace that.

Ok. The good news is your posts are all about money. There. Is nothing about loving him or wanting him, it's purely financial.

So you need to get youtself financially sorted, are you claiming all you can? Can you get back into work? Do you have child care?

@Bluntness100 as much as I love him. How can I want him after the disregard he's shown to me and the children. How can I want a man who says they don't care about their children. Those kids are my life, I was ttc for 5 years before we had ds1.

And for him to just walk away knowing I don't have a penny for them is just unforgivable. I'll have to live with the love I have for him until one day I just don't love him anymore.

Wow OP. He sounds vile. Throwing pennies at you?! He sounds like a sociopath and you’re well rid.

@Bluntness100 I have no childcare. I live in a different city to my family.

I foolishly gave up on a levels when I met him, looking back it was him wanting control.
I couldn't do a 9-5 because of some issues with one of the dc. And I know term time work is so hard to come by.

If I claim benefits, I could just about cover the bills and rent but that would leave nothing to fall back on.

@Hithere12 all because I begged for money to feed the kids. I was so embarrassed I got the kids together and walked home.

His words on the phone were 'I'm going to enjoy seeing you struggle'

He's got hundreds of pounds in his pockets, would it have killed him to give me £5/£10 to feed the dc or even buy a bag of groceries and leave it at the door?!

I'd be messaging his parents to say he's left you all with a Handful of coppers to shame him into giving a decent amount.

What a horrible horrible man