Broken

[brokenandhumiliated]

Forgive me for posting here but I see this topic has more traffic.

My H has upped and left me this afternoon. We have been through a rough patch but I thought things were looking up. We had a lovely day out with the 3 dc yesterday. He cooked and we dtd, after months.

Then this morning he had a demonic rage come over him and he literally cleared the house of his belongings and cleared out my purse (unbeknownst to me also the joint account)

I'm a SAHM, have nothing to my name (rented home), so I humiliated myself and begged him for some money on the phone to feed the dc for today, he came to the park and threw pennies at me through his car window.

I have nothing, I'm in debt to the tune of £900 and I can't seem to pull myself together.

@Rivkka his dad has never given a damn, and his mum is recovering from major surgery. I couldn't do that, it did cross my mind but I couldn't live with myself for bringing this on her. Although she does have form for thinking the sun shines out of her ds arse.

So are you not working at the moment? If so quite honestly going "home" to where your family are, where you'll have more support inc possibly childcare would seem the most sensible thing to do. Get a job, and be somewhere you and DC have much more support Inc financially.

@Graphista not working atm.

Honestly I don't know how much support I'd have with childcare. My parents work ft,so does my sister, I'm no contact with my brother who lives near my parents.

I have an aunt but she's nearing retirement and I wonder if asking her would be cheeky.

Not so much childcare but would staying with your parents or other relative be an option while you get back on your feet? It sounds like you have very little support where you are and if the DC dad isn't going to be taking the kids at all even if your family can only help occasionally you might be better off living back near them. I'm sorry he's being horrible to you all 💐

OP. Message his parents. Tell them exactly what he did and said. Ask them to help. If they won’t they’re arseholes and if not ask your parents if you can move in for a awhile.

Definitely report him for working dodgy cash in hand jobs..I'm guessing he's paying little to no tax? He sounds vile, he needs to pay for his kids!

It's not just childcare its having a support network generally.

Single parenthood is damn hard and even harder with arseholes like our exes!

You need that support.

What a vile man and you are well rid of him. There is something going on in his life: he has already made plans to do something. Time will tell.
The tax department will be very interested to hear of his 'cash in hand' jobs. You must report him.
Is the $900 debt really yours?
Wishing you the very best.

Tomorrow morning set up a claim for universal credit. I think it's everywhere now but if not claim income support and child tax credits. What is the housing situation is it rented?

How on earth did you manage to have a lovely day out,all of you,the day before he went into this manic mode. Does he have form for being so horrible to you and family? This all makes very distressing reading, and can only hope that you can get some help somewhere. which you should be able to.

Definitely report him for working dodgy cash in hand jobs..I'm guessing he's paying little to no tax? He sounds vile, he needs to pay for his kids!

I'd think twice about this...... if he's not paid tax you knew this previously and benefitted from it. Doesn't that mean you've broken the law as well!

See what you're entitled to as a single parent - there are online calculators for this.

Get yourself off any joint accounts pronto or freeze them.

£900 debt is nothing on the scale of things. Speak to your creditors or have Stepchange intervene on your behalf. It is likely worth taking temporary damage to your credit rating in order for the relief of lower payments/writing off/freezing interest in this crisis. You can rebuild a good credit rating over time. (Realistically it's not like you're in a position to use a high credit rating for anything but plunging you into a bigger mess, right now, is it? ).

Also go after him for child support through CMS anyway. It'll inconvenience him, and a lot of these blokes aren't half as clever as they think they are. Fuck him.

I've heard nothing from him all night.
I've got a few things done this morning, the rest can wait. I physically have no energy for anything, barely slept a wink and I feel drained out.

Jeez what a prize cunt. I can understand ending a relationship if it's not working but why be so unpleasant about it? And to his own kids too. Sorry OP. What a nightmare for you.

Just reiterating what the others have said...what a vile vile man to do that to anyone, let alone his children! Have you got money for food to tide you over? Broke my heart to read you had to give them cereal for dinner after he took all the money. Am sure they loved it and thought it was fun, but obviously not long term.
Thinking of you

How awful of him to leave you and your kids with no money for food see what benefits you are entitled to

Hope you are ok op

My sister and mum have given me some money and my dad paid for a food shop so the kids had more than enough to eat today. Even stretched to an ice cream each.
My youngest woke up and asked for daddy today and it broke my heart all over again.

I'm so sorry @brokenandhumiliated

This is one of the worst stories I've heard.

Have you any idea what you'll do next? Are you able to start taking some steps to getting some support financially?

Thinking of you 💐

Frankly this guy sounds compleatly fucking deranged.
Someone capable of what your describing is capable of anything and will lead you a dogs life if you let him. He will be toxic to anyone unlucky enought to find themselfs around him.
I would think seriously about moving to be where your family are, even if they are working full time they can still give you support in many ways and it will have the added bonus of making it harder for him to come around.

How are you broken?

@Alfiemoon1 I'm ok. Just been staying with my parents and trying to chill out! Not easy when he has taken to calling me on no caller id and giving me abuse for not letting him speak to the kids. I don't see why I should when he's done what he did.

He’s trash