Desperately sad and angry - how do I get over this?

[Sadandsadder]

Found out I’ve been lied to and strung along for 5 years by a man who has not been truthful about the nature of his relationship with his ‘ex’ wife.

I’ve finally had enough of being told lies and feeling worthless. The problem is he was my best friend and for the past 6 years we’ve been joined at the hip (well....now I look through a different lens, when it suited him we were).

How do I get over someone?? I know the advice is to keep busy but I’m so angry and sad it feels like a burning rage and a pit of stomach dread and it’s been 48 hours since we broke up.

Channel the anger you feel into something worthwhile. I'm a big fan of having separate interests in relationships to avoid that "joined at the hip" scenario.

Do you have hobbies/interests to distract you?

It's early days and you obviously feel raw, don't be hard on yourself for one. Talk to friends, shout/scream for a bit, listen to break up tunes. Allow yourself to be angry but give yourself a timeline. It won't last forever, time and distance works.

Sorry this has happened

Thank you for the kind response.

At the moment I feel like I’ve wasted so much of my life that I simultaneously want to throw myself into EVERYTHING to make up for lost time, but then the crushing depression of it all has zapped me of the momentum to actually get up and do it.

I really have neglected myself and my own interests in favour of bending over backwards for him.

Why are some men such selfish b@stards???

Buy yourself some new gear, have your hair cut/restyled, go out, walking tall and enjoy yourself.

Ditch him pronto.

Sorry you are going through this .
It hurts like hell I know ... regret there’s no fast track through this .
Be kind to yourself..
You’re allowed to be angry , sad whatever ...
Just work through your feelings and one day it will just start to feel better bit by bit ....
I’m 6 months in ... and have made myself ridiculously busy to get to a good place ...but I look back on the first few weeks and think thank god those horrendous early times are over ...
You’ll reach that too in time

Take care XX

And absolutely NC ... it’s the only way

Delete every form of contact with him absolutely stone cold ghost the fucker. Cry your tears and then brush yourself off and get your life back.
He’s a prick don’t waste anymore time on him, he clearly didn’t give two fucks about you.

I was where you are. I had to unpick the cognitive dissonance, spend time with friends, focused on exercise (lost weight and strengthens) and I’m starting to review my future goals and forget everything I ever pictured with him. It was extremely hard. I’m getting there. Good luck OP

Just let your emotions run its course. It's a difficult time but you know the truth of the man he is, heal yourself you deserve better than him

Thank you. The NC is going to be tough as I know he will harass but I know is the only way.

Been here before with empty promises but then not delivered, every time I feel weaker and I just can’t do this to myself any more.

I thank you all for your kind replies. I will take it day by day

Sadandsadder I'm in the exact same position. My OH had moved in with me and the kids and I thought we were happy - turns out every week when he was going to see his adult son he was actually seeing his ex instead. I've told him to leave, he's gone and I'm working through packing up his things. My kids don't know - they're only 8 and 6 and they love him.
I feel the same as you, waking up and for a minute I forget what's happened then it hits me and is like a pain I carry around all day. I feel empty inside and don't want to do anything.
I'm sorry you're in the same position.

@Oldname so sorry to hear this. When was this? Luckily I don’t have children (he does with his ex), so whilst this has added to my feelings of inadequacy I do recognise I am lucky to not have to bring little people into the trauma.

I am sure as long as your little ones know they have the unconditional love of you, they will soon bounce back. Are you able to get away over the summer - just the 3 of you?

I found out on Sunday. He wanted to stay but I could never trust him.
They aren't his children but he's known them since they were 1 and 3. They'll be ok, I just feel like I've failed them.
And I miss him terribly and am so angry that he took our life away.

hugs @Oldname I know what you mean about trust. I just want to go back to what I now know was ignorant bliss. I hate the fact that I wasn’t enough and that I wasn’t even respected enough to be told the truth. Turns out I was just a bit on the side to be taken advantage of, what a mug.

Block him everywhere you can to prevent him trying to contact you.

If you have mutual friends, stop them from telling you anything about him.

He's the deceitful liar and he has to live with it.

I've had the same happen to me with my daughter's dad. 7 months on, and I still sit and shake my head in disgust of how he treated me. Sometimes I hate him, sometimes I'm neutral, and sometimes I still love him (And then kick myself for feeling that way over someone who's treated my feelings like shit and told countless lies), but you'll get over it. Promise.

Replace old memories with new ones, write a diary, stay busy. Don't spend too long crying over an asshole who didn't deserve you.

Find something or someone else to distract you from thoughts of him, seriously, I done this and never think of my ex anymore. Took me two years of crying and raging and locking myself away first though. Time will heal.

Thanks all x

I really have neglected myself and my own interests in favour of bending over backwards for him

Never do this for a man again. Always maintain your own sense of worth and your own interests.

Yes. A lesson learned. I just feel empty, unfit, useless. I’ve got a long way to go before I live any kind of fulfilling life, I’m in a dead end job and now utterly on my own.

This may seem vindictive but I’m tempted to get in touch with his ‘ex’ wife. He has always kept me at arms length to protect his kids (yes, after almost 6 years!) but I’m now wondering if there’s more she doesn’t know.

He’s ruined my life, I want to ruin his.

Op, is he still married? Has he been lying they have split up? So you have been unwittingly thr other woman?

They were separated, not divorced. I was always told she was resisting divorce for the children’s sake (...I know...makes no sense to me either).

He’s ruined my life, I want to ruin his.

Er no he hasn’t. You are angry and you have every right to be but.... at some point you need to start asking yourself WTAF did I give this half wit sooooo much power?

@AgentJohnson you’re right - I need to channel this anger in to looking after myself, not being vindictive at him, because it’ll only cause others to suffer too. I just wish I could erase him now.