No family support

[acornfed]

I am a mum of three young kids

Over the last 2 years I have, through professional help after a near total psychological collapse, I finally pieced together I have been the family scapegoat and severely emotionally abused throughout my childhood and adulthood by my family of origin which is a highly toxic narcissistic unit.

The realisation was devastating and I can only relate it to grief. I have had to walk away from my family of origin and the concept that I was loved and respected. The truth is I have never been loved or respected in that family unit.

To protect my emotional health and that of my family and walk away was the hardest thing I have ever done. Of course I am being blamed and smeared for doing so by my siblings - feeding into the narrative that "I am bad."

Anyone else been on this situation? Does it ever get better. I feel a huge sense of emptiness and loss. I look around me and all these families on trips with grandparents and the happy social media photos of people on extended family holidays makes me feel so upset I don't have that.

My husband is great. Ever supportive.

I am reaching out for support on this fora as I find it's a painfully isolating experience that few understand.

I have been feeling really panicked the last few days. The sinking feeling that going NC with my brother means I am just entrenching the misunderstandings and the rift. The feeling of no return. I will lose contact with my nieces and nephews who I love. If I go back to them the pain will be even worse as they will unleash themselves on me for leaving.

When someone once posted that they are contorting themselves thinking of ways to stay in an unworkable relationship this is me.

I am in total mental anguish, my kids are noticing, my husband is getting really fed up. WHY can't I just let them GO. It's suffocating me. I can't stop thinking if I just sat down with them - once - and told them how I felt they would come round. But I know they won't. I honestly feel like I am losing my grip.

I think it could help to try to fully realise the cost of staying in these dysfunctional relationships on yourself and on your relationships with others. That makes the nc easier to sustain cos you know what it's for.
I recommend watching some youtubers like kris godinez and richard brannon. Or reading some books.
Sorry that you feel so anguished. How old are your nieces and nephews? Also can you really forge a relationship with them in the midst of the dysfunction? Hard questions. There are other strategies like grey rock but I'm not sure of them if you function is to be the punch bag.

Re-reading thread I'm reminded theres some good material out there on smearing. Why narcs do it, what you can do. Do a search for it. It helps me to realise that what's going on in a smear campaign isnt about me and I couldn't change it. It aldo helped me realise that lots of healthy people listen to smears and dont actually believe them. You let your actions speak for you vis other people's words and most people over time put two and two together. Apart from those in gbe narcs net who have to comply with narcs version of reality. You can only help them if they actually want to listen. Thats not up to you, you can just accept and move on. Knowing that helped me immensely.