Anyone in the same boat???

[HumptyDumpty43]

I need to have a blazing row with my boyfriend and vent a lot of pent up frustrations but once I've said everything I need to say, I know I will feel great for 20 mins and then I'll feel like shit. He is driving me mad on several levels. I'll try to put them in order of annoyance.

1. He never listens to anything I say to the point that I don't think he is remotely interested in anything I do or say anymore. He doesn't ask how my day has been, he doesn't seem to care how I am feeling and recently he was no support when I developed issues in my life where I had to give up work as I was having panic attacks and could no longer cope with leaving my home. This lasted for about 18 months and I dealt with all of this on my own with the help of medication and CBT counselling and am now feeling a lot stronger and able to cope more with day to day life. His response to me having to give up work was that I was lazy and to get another job.
2. He has just come back from a night away with his brother & sister in law and has dropped into the conversation that two other couples went on the do. I didn't go because there wasn't a spare ticket, which I was fine about, but it's the fact that he didn't tell me about the other couples going that has really pissed me off. He's just gone out again for the afternoon which I am overjoyed about as I don't have to speak to him for at least another 4 hours.
3. He keeps farting so loudly that it makes me jump!! He thinks it's funny but it's now starting to really repulse me.
4. He is incapable of shutting and locking the front door whether I am in or out of our home, so it's left wide open so anyone could get in. He doesn't see that it's a problem.
5. I have learnt to cope with his dirty clothes constantly being left all over the place and which are always inside out when I pick them up off the floor to be washed and the loo roll never being replaced. We've been together for 11 years so I'm not going to leave him as I don't want to lose my home. What would you do - I feel as though I can live like this but have I got the right to explode with anger at him or should I just put up with it for an easy life? I'm not unhappy just full of resentment and feel the need to smash something.

Are you working now? I would be planning on achieving financial independence from him if not. The relationship you are in sounds soul destroying.

should I just put up with it for an easy life?

It's not an easy life for you though, is it? You've suffered from mental health problems and did he help? No. In fact he probably contributed quite a lot to cause it in the first place.

Re no 5 - stop doing his laundry unless his dirty clothes are actually in the laundry basket. Not in the basket, they don't get washed. Don't replace the loo roll. Leave it empty. Carry one with you every time you go to the loo instead. Sooner or later he will need some loo roll, and when he does, there won't be any!

Do you have dc together?

No4; he leaves the door wide open?
Is he 4?

I am going through so many similar things as you, and don't know what to do either.
My partner doesn't listen to me at all. I went through anxiety completely by myself he told me to just get over it, I had councilling and he used to check to make sure I wasn't on tablets. I will never forgive him. He does absolutely nothing around the house. I do everything

We've been together for 11 years so I'm not going to leave him as I don't want to lose my home.

Then there's little to nothing you can do, OP. Because, you know this: your mental health is bound up with this relationship, which is dysfunctional. If you 'put up', your panic attacks will get worse; if you explode, you're part of the problem. What a way to live.

This is no home for you. You two should not be together.

Wouldn't you be better sorting your life out altogether? If you only stay because of housing, then start looking for a job and a house-share or bedsit to get you started.

Life is short, OP - do you really want to spend the rest of it like this?

To all those women who are in problematic (if not abusive) relationships, and who have a history of anxiety and/or depression:

Have you not considered that your mental health is a sign of your awful relationship? That your psyche is crying out for help? That their is profound wisdom in what you're feeling?

Instead of medicating it, hoping that will deal with it, why don't you both medicate the symptom, and deal with the cause? (Note: this cause isn't just your immediate relationship, but the dynamics of the family you grew up in, which provided a less-than-idea blueprint of what 'love' is and how it is and is not demonstrated.)

What easy life? Sounds like a nightmare to me. Loudly farting because it's 'funny'? Incapable of closing the front door? Leaving dirty clothes everywhere? You have yourself a manchild here. He won't change. He doesn't care about you enough to want to. In fact I don't think he cares about you at all.

Hopefully you are working again and can restore financial independence so you have options.

Brightfuture2019

Your future will not be bright if you allow this to continue.

What you should do.....leave him. But you said you're not going to do that then I have no other advice than to put up & shut up. What other advice can we give.

This made me feel very happy to be single.

Seriously get out.
Your mental health will thank you.

This made me feel very happy to be single

Me too. I'm aghast at what some women put up with for a long long time, then ask for advice while stating they won't leave.

I'm not going to leave him as I don't want to lose my home.

What do you want us to say then?
He couldn't give less of a shit if he tried. If you're ok with that then that's up to you, but there's not really any advice that we can give you that you'll take.

You say you’re the high earner, why would you lose your home? You’re not married, Chuck his useless arse out and raise the bar way higher than this user.

Did anyone get any of my replies to you - I can't find them in the thread.

I tried to reply to you - can you let me know if you received a msg as I can't find my replies in the thread.

No replies visible to me

To Brightfuture2019: I't's an awful situation to be in isn't it. Sometimes, due to trying to keep my mental health stable, I feel it's better the devil you know rather than rock the boat and risk dredging up feelings I know I won't be able to cope with. I also managed to stop drinking just over a year ago and can't risk getting reliant on alcohol again. Vicious circle. Keep in touch, maybe we'll be able to support each other.

To Bookworm4. I can't see any of my replies either. I'm doing something wrong!!

I've just seen your post from April about him looking for sex on no-string websites.

Is there anything good about this man at all?

I don't understand why you put up with any of this from him? Where is your self esteem?

Why would you lose your home if you split up?

What is the housing situation? Rental, owned? In whose name?

You have options here. Have you sought legal advice? This man is a complete waste of space and has undoubetdly contributed in a major way to your MH problems.

I also managed to stop drinking just over a year ago and can't risk getting reliant on alcohol again.

Well done! How much help and support did he give you at that time?