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Original poster

STBxW moving goal posts

46 replies

HarmlessChap · 20/07/2019 12:03

Due to a loss of intimacy and affection and W's controlling ways our marriage has ended.

We have agreed to separate and she has a rental (from friends) lined up to move to and I have agreed to stay in the house until its sold, however we are currently still under the same roof with me sleeping on the sofa.

Every couple of weeks she moves her proposed move date back a month. Its getting seriously frustrating now, I just want to move on with my life and ideally start sleeping in a proper bed again, she says I don't have to sleep on the sofa but I really don't want to share a bed with her anymore.

Other than airbnb any ideas of how to find affordable temporary accommodation for 3 months?

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 20/07/2019 12:17

Hurry up and get it sold...or buy a bed and put in the living room....and turn it into a bedroom...That might push her to move quicker

Original poster
HarmlessChap · 20/07/2019 12:27

At the moment the house isn't in a fit state to market, we need to decorate which I was supposed to be doing when she and the kids have moved their stuff out.

It all smacks of yet another layer of control, which I have little choice to put up with.

OP posts:
PicsInRed · 20/07/2019 12:30

Is the rental through friends ready for her yet?

Its not the easiest thing to find a suitable rental property as a single mother. Landlords can be wary.

Hidingwhoiam · 20/07/2019 12:31

Why are her and the kids moving?

Is that what's best for them?

Personally, I would crack on and get the house ready for sale. Do as much as you can with her being there. Get it up for sale.

That's what I did. Though I was staying with the children.

The hall and stairs needed a new carpet so I saved and had it done. Shouldnt have just come down to me, but that's what I did.

Original poster
HarmlessChap · 20/07/2019 12:36

The rental is empty, the friends are just a little disorganized and haven't bothered putting it up for rent yet and are happier renting to someone they know. It can be ready within a couple of weeks of when she tells them she wants to move in

OP posts:
Thehop · 20/07/2019 12:38

Wouldn’t it be easier for you to love out?

Thehop · 20/07/2019 12:38

Sorry move out

BarrenFieldofFucks · 20/07/2019 12:41

Why don't you move? Way easier to move one person and not disrupt the kids?

CruellaFeinberg · 20/07/2019 12:43

Due to a loss of intimacy and affection and W's controlling ways our marriage has ended.

if they have agreed to stay in the house until its sold - its probably because they cannot afford to have that house and the rental - There is somewhere STBX can move in to, so why should OP have to move out and risk further delays

OP- Get cracking on with the things that need doing, and get place up for sale, just do the painting etc

Original poster
HarmlessChap · 20/07/2019 12:50

She will get benefits if she moves to a rental with the children where as she won't if she stays in the marital home.

OP posts:
worriedandannoyed · 20/07/2019 13:00

Will she though if she's a home owner? I think that's one of the questions that's asked when you apply for benefits, especially to help with rent. If she part owns somewhere I don't think she'll get help with rent

Original poster
HarmlessChap · 20/07/2019 13:02

Apparently she does for up to six months. She's been through it all with the CAB.

OP posts:
BarrenFieldofFucks · 20/07/2019 13:05

The only thing she wouldn't be entitled to with a mortgage instead of rent would be the housing benefit element?

Proteinshakesandovieshat · 20/07/2019 13:11

It's not always the case you get housing benefit if you are a home owner. Especially if you have a lot of equity.

The form asks if you own any other property.

She could get some help for the house with a mortgage though. They will pay towards the mortgage, but it's a loan so when the house is sold she would need to pay it back. That's obviously if she remains in the house.

My advice is what it would be to a woman whose stbexh kept changing moving date. Do what you need to do to get your house on the market.

Maybe explain you will get substantially less, if the house goes in the market in it's current state but you are willing to that if that's what its takes.

worriedandannoyed · 20/07/2019 14:38

You only get help with the mortgage interest 9 months after you receive your first benefit payment so you have to wait a while. What will happen after 6 months, how will she pay her rent then? I think whoever stays in the family home should have the children. If I was her I wouldn't be moving anywhere with my children

Original poster
HarmlessChap · 20/07/2019 15:26

Irrespective of what other people would do etc. I take it there are no bright ideas for temporary accommodation?

OP posts:
Original poster
HarmlessChap · 20/07/2019 21:30

A clapped out old camper van with a few months MOT looks like an option.

OP posts:
bigchris · 20/07/2019 22:04

Rent a room in a mates house
Rent a room in a strangers house
Move in with your parents
Move in with her parents

bigchris · 20/07/2019 22:05

All ideas for temporary accommodation, or b and b can be cheap , youth hostel, YMCA etc

HerRoyalNotness · 20/07/2019 22:18

Is temp accommodation for you? If you leave she will probably stay put.

Just do some cosmetic tidying up around her on the house and put it on the market.

happyasasandboy · 20/07/2019 22:50

I hope for her sake she is dragging her feet because she's taken some advice and decided not to move out. She puts herself and the kids in a really vulnerable position if she moves out; there's nothing stopping you then taking an age to sell the house and she'll be struggling to pay her rent Confused

Obviously I am sure you're a nice bloke and it will all go smoothly, but even so, how is she going to house herself and the kids if the sale takes longer than 6 months? And it will; even the fastest sales take several months and you're not on the market yet!

If it's so unbearable living with her then you move in to the rental and take the risks. Otherwise, you may both have to stay put until the house is sold.

LittleWing80 · 20/07/2019 23:22

I wouldn’t move out if I were you or she might never go in the rental. Try to put the house on the market.

TacCat49 · 20/07/2019 23:35

I have to ask why the house needed all this work done after the marriage ended? Just asking.

HeddaGarbled · 21/07/2019 00:32

Yeah, just get the house on the market and stop messing about.

Original poster
HarmlessChap · 21/07/2019 00:36

Yes the temporary accommodation is for me I really want to start moving on with my life having wasted so much time trying to fix an un-fixable relationship. I have no family to go to and the only friend who has offered is a long way from where I work.

I've offered to move out but she is insisting that its she who goes. She "can't understand why I'm choosing to sleep on the sofa rather than share the bed" apparently separated couples do that all the time. Firstly I think that's utter crap and even if it isn't I don't want to, not least because she regularly wakes me to tell me she's annoyed with me breathing loudly.

As has always been the case everything is on her terms. Christ knows what will happen when she finds out I'm dating someone as according to her "nobody will ever want me" and I'm pretty sure she expects me to go into some form of decline without her.

I have to ask why the house needed all this work done after the marriage ended? Just asking.

It just needs redecorating throughout, de-cluttering (we are both hoarders) and some flooring replacing.

I stopped maintaining it as her idea of helping is to go on holiday with the children while I use up my holiday grafting.

FWIW she has been the higher earner for a long time, my business failed last year and I'm trying to rebuild a career so I'm not earning a lot at the moment. She doesn't want to go through solicitors to save money and I think that she is also concerned that I'd go after her pensions. I really don't want anything from her other than freedom.

Everything has been reasonably amicable so far but that's on the basis that I do as she wants.

OP posts: