AIBU

[GMB2000]

AIBU? My partner of 7 years has just asked me for my drivers license so he can set this account up in my name. Aside from the obvious red flag and everything else...... in a normal relationship would you just hand over your ID and say yeah fine or would you ask for a little context first? Because I asked him what it was he needed it for. He asked me why. I replied with (what I think is a normal response of) I’d just like to know what your using it for. He then asks me if it’s because I’m worried about him having it. I said I’m not worried in the respect of him using it for some kind of monetary gain but I’d just like to know what you need it for. He’s gone off downstairs in an angry huff. Comes back upstairs and says why am i worried, what do I think he’s going to do with it. I reiterated my first point. And now he’s accusing me of always having to be right and never giving him any wiggle room when we have these kinds of conversations, that I always manage to be cool and level headed whilst he gets all emotional and angry. That I’m some how in the wrong for asking him a simple question. I also asked him why he was so upset because he seemed to be overreacting. Now I feel like I’m in the wrong because I’m not annoyed, I just didn’t want to let him manipulate me with guilt. Am I in the wrong?

What account? What for? Why won't he tell you?

Fuck that.

Do you think it might be some kind of surprise for you? An internal flight or something?

Otherwise, YANBU!

No it’s not for anything like that, it’s for a bank account....... I know red flags right there but that aside would you want to know why he was using it. No one would just say yeah here you go right?

I'd definitely want to know why, especially for a bank account!
I'd not hand over blindly no.

Can't believe he thinks you just would!!

No, they wouldn't if they had any sense.

Nope no way no how. Anything in my name i need to know about fully

Thanks. There’s ongoing emotional abuse and I’m trying to note every time something like it happens, it’s just difficult for me to know what a “normal” response is after 7 years of dealing with it. Thanks ladies :)

Dodgy as fuck. Plus illegal.

You need to get rid of him.

I’m confused, do you know anything about this
Account? Did u ask him to do this?

He’s doing this thing called matched betting, it’s complicated but it’s to do with placing bets against each other to make money. It’s not illegal, it’s like a loop hole in the gambling laws (that bit is true, I’ve checked it out). But he wanted to set an account up in my name so he could make double the amount of money off it. What three me was that he was asking about ID for my old address which is why I wanted a bit more explanation. He’s been out for a walk and calmed down now. Glad to know I’m not in the wrong for questioning him.

Hide all your ID. This isn't right.

MASSIVE RED FLAG

He's up to no good, op. There is absolutely no legitimate reason he would need your ID to set up some mysterious account unless you have given him express permission to do so. I'd keep my eyes WIDE open if I were you.

I’m waiting until we’ve sold our house and then leaving him. I know if I leave now he’ll cancel the sale and I’ll be stuck with him for longer (can’t apply for council housing until I don’t own a home). Just concentrating on my DS and keeping sane with the help of
You guys!

Lock up your personal info and make sure your money is in an account he can't touch. I would also make sure he hasn't opened credit cards in your name that you don't know about.

You're not being unreasonable, stick to your guns and if his plans are on the level, he'll tell you about them.

Is he a gambling addict?

Wow that was a leap- so there’s clearly other issues for you to say you’re leaving

Oh yeah loads of other issues haha! He’s an emotional manipulator and this was one example of it. Trying to make it my fault that he was angry, even though all I did was ask a simple question. It’s been going on for a while and I question my thought processes sometimes, thinking things are my fault when they’re not.

Oh a gaslighter. Good you're getting rid. Trust your instincts always.

It's defo a classic abuse tactic. My (D)H uses it too. When they're in the wrong they'll be really angry, refuse to admit the truth and somehow try and turn it around onto you so you either think it's your fault or you're overreacting. It absolutely gets you questioning reality and also makes you question almost every interaction you have with them. It can send you crazy if you don't keep a grip on reality.

Can you sign yourself up to a credit check alert site? Just in case for a few weeks until house sold.

@usersouthcoast already done haha! Great tip though.

I did matched betting last year and didn’t need my driving licence or ID at all. Just name, date of birth, address etc, the usual to set up betting accounts. Don’t let him!

I do matched betting and I need to verify all accounts with driving licence/passport in order to withdraw money from the betting websites. He wants your old address because some bookies specify that only one account per household is allowed to avail of the offers matched bettors use, regardless of having separate credit cards. The problem with matched betting is payments into bookies are marked on you bank/credit card account as exactly that - payments to bookies so could affect your credit rating in the future, even though it isn't gambling, the bank isn't aware of the distinction.